Need serious help! My life is ruined

Hey rach. ..hope your managing to stay strong love....just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you x

Hi everyone, I am not great. I don't even know who I am anymore.....

I have distanced myself from everyone around me to protect them and myself when this comes out. I don't sleep and have massive fits of upset which my partner is finding it hard to deal with. I know I should just be alone as I have caused enough damage as it is. The thought of not seeing my son is tearing me apart, I can not be away from him he needs me! He has a medical condition too which we have regular hospital visits for and he may need surgery when he's one year old. If I go to prison I will not be here for him! I keep fearing there is something wrong with the new baby as I haven't felt it move and have been so upset and stressed 🙁 everything I worked for in life I have ruined and I will never feel Normal again. I won't survive in prison and it would mean I would have to give birth there! I hope the judge realises how much of an impact it will have, if I go away my partner would have to quit work and we would loose our home as well. Why have I been so selfish and stupid! I can't even talk to anyone as no one knows what to say, people don't understand. I'm sorry for making you worry I don't want that, I'm just glad I can get out my feelings here and not be judged or shamed for them x

Morning rach
I'm sorry to read that your feeling so low...but I can understand why.
There isn't anything I can say to help...except that your right...we here. ...wil not judge you....it's all out of your control now love ...so you have to just go with the flow....make a call to the midwife if your worried about baby.....your family r probabally as scared as you love...try to chat to your mum...and keep posting here. ...we're all rooting for you....x

Hiya Rach, just wanted you to know I'm here too...you are in such a scary place at the moment. Try and lean on your family, and health visitor and midwife...let them comfort and support you, cuddle your son. You are getting through this nightmare, one day things will feel better xx

Hey rach. ...
Just so you now I'm thining of you
X

Hoping your still with us rach x

Hi, I'm still trying to get my head around it all. I can't believe I will be sentenced soon and maybe taken away from my son. I can't cope with not knowing. I won't cope if I am taken away. I know the public and the judge will think it's only fair and there is nothing I can do about it. I have lost myself. I still haven't had counselling and not sure when it will be. I thought it was this week but it was a medical review for something else. Why have I allowed this to happen to me. I am so sorry for what I have done to everyone around me but more importantly my son, he relies on me so much and he needs me to be his mum not taken care of by someone else!

Oh Rach...I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. Just know we're rooting for you. You can get through this x

Hey rach. .I'm so glad you've replied...
I understand that your feeling so low.....your dealing with so much and I know nothing I can say will make you feel any better..
But...I will say anyway...
Those that really know you and love you will always be there for you...no matter what the outcome ..your little one is so young and honestly won't remember this situation....there's nothing more you can do love except go with the flow of things...I truley wish I could find something of comfort to say to you...how long before you have to go to court love...

Sending you a massive hug Rach.
I know it's a truly difficult time for you but as loxxie says it's out of your hands at the moment. As long as you've tried all ways to get the best case for yourself thats all you can do. I can only try to imagine what you must be going through and even then I probably won't get close but please try to look after yourself and your baby. Take any help and comfort that you can get instead of hiding yourself away.
Your family and friends will know the 'real' you. It must be difficult for them seeing you so upset. I'm sure they'd love you to spend time with them.
Take care, we're all thinking of you xx

Hey Rachel been reading this I do hope your OK don't hate your self basically you have no self worth you don't think your capable of happiness so you try to distort what little you have we have to break these cycles.we are all creatures of habit the drive to do it has become too strong and it's your stress default mode.only problem is it causes more stress I hope your little boy is doing well don't give up there will be many slips on the way you just need to change your default mode which won't be easy you will find your way back here looking for answers if you need to talk love we are all here dizzy xxxx

You are all so kind to me, and you don't even know me which is so nice when I read these comments. I have found out I'm having a little girl which has kind off taken my mind of things for a second. I am so lucky to have my son and now be pregnant again. I have a few references, my mums best friend has been told she said I must have had some kind of breakdown as usually i'ma goody goody. When it comes out everyone will be shocked. I've always held down good jobs and people have loved me but now I feel I don't deserve anyone. I don't want to be known as the thief and a bad mum, I already know that's what people think. My main concern now is not being taken away from my children, I'm starting to think less of what others think although I am sad that my family and partner will have to go through the embarrassment of it all. I just wish I could go back to the person I once was, it's hard to think that will ever happen. Maybe in time I can get past this but I fear I will always think I won't be good enough or that I shouldn't be loved after what I've done. Thank you all for your support and well wishes. I hope you are all going strong and will never end up in this awful position from this sick addiction xxx

Rachel,

I am going to deliver some tough love. I work in a health related environment and got caught up in an FOBT. Not any debt, but shock at how low things can go. I got out in time. I am going to offer you the following advice, and if I come across as stern I don't mean to. But I want you to know that I know what I am talking about.

Get your shizzle together and get it together NOW!! You have a little boy and a little girl on the way. Get your head into the programme of recovery and do it now. Stand up, shoulders raised, chest out, head up, and loose that death row look, Judges do not relate well to it.

Use your health porfessionals. Never you mind about shame. We have seen it all done it all and bought the tee-shirt for it all. Nothing shocks, now then, or in the future. You got sucked in, we all got sucked in, and take it from me, I counted myself a clever cookie..that was wide to this world..Judges love reports and references from Health Professionals, saying you CAN COPE, YOU CAN PROVIDE FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU ARE HOPEFUL. You are in counselling, you admit there is a TEMPORARY problem.....but this problem will be sorted.

Rachel now more than anytime in your life you have to fight, you have to fight to keep that family together. You didn't murder anyone, you did what addiction does best....

But enough of the poor me, and I don't know what to do...The judge does not want to see that, you need to give him an option not to give you custody. You need to help yourself. Because he will not help you, if you don't help yourself.

Finally I am Gamble free 41 days today, and do you know how I did that I dug in, knuckled down and did it. There can be no question in your mind that you will ever Gamble again....you see what it does and what it can do. You want to raise two children with high self esteem, and self belief, and how you will do that, lead by example.

You get your solicitor and you tell him that you have pleaded guility, that you wish him to seek the best option for you. When you stand in front of that judge, be honest, but be firm....It was a mistake, it will never happen again, look them in the eye and tell them that..

The Media, and extended family and friends....if they judge you, whisper about you etc. They are not family and they are not friends......good people stand shoulder to shoulder with you in times of crisis....

Rachel, this is your call to arms, this is your choice of what happens...Make that choice wisely......and I really genuinely feel for you, but sometimes, we need to help ourselves. I am not judging in anyways, I can actually easily understand, how it went so badly wrong,

Take care.

Julie

Rachel, you have to listen to julie.
Be the mother you want to be known as. One who will do all she can for her family.
You can do this!
Sending you a bucketful of strength to help you. We're all rooting for you and wanting the best for you xx

Hey hun. ..
Congratulations on the news of a little girl in your tummy.....simply wonderfull...a pigeon pair ....perfect....
Now take notice of julies wonderfull honest and inspiring post.......look that judge in the eye and tell him all the things you've told us....sending you love and hugs x