Need to start all over!

Hi I just want to come on and say thanks for the support.

I have tried to budget this month which is a good start for me. To be honest I could do with 2-3 hundred pounds a month extra to make things more bareable.

Anyway a much better day otherwise.

I know there are people a lot worse off in the world!

Awayout

Hi Awayout....Just read through most of your diary...quite a journey so far but youve done so well and hopefully I can do as good! Whats so good about reading other peoples diaries is realising how not alone we are in this battle...It annoys me sometimes how people dont really quite understand that it is a proper addiction...my friends saying "how can you not have a bet on the Grand National", "one bet wont hurt"....would they say stuff like "one pint wont hurt", if I was a recovering alcoholic. I am jealous in a way how they can control their gambling as I like to gamble but its just not an option as control is my problem!

As for the debt management plan mate, stay away, I actually worked at these places and they are a rip off...Get in touch with a government funded organisation who will not charge for there services.

And also, the colleague at work, sounds like a waste of time to me, dont let them affect you mate, just be nice as pie to them as they are probably just looking for a reaction anyway!

Your doing great and although better times may look along way away at least you are not falling deeper and deeper into that hole!

Hi I would like to say thanks for all the support.

I think now I am not trying to think of how many days Ive been gamble free much better to try and go with the flow and see how well I can do putting the blocks in place.

This weekend will be tough for many of us as Grand National. One good thing though it always puts me off that 'normal punters' might see me on thr machines as they go and place their once yearly bets on the national. I think I would find that all too embarassing!!!!

Lets face it the National is a lottery as so many horses. I wish I was in that situation where I can go and have an odd bet on the national and enjoy it as a bit of fun. But that is dreaming and is many years away if I can ever be like that again!

Thanks also for the advice on the DMP which now I will only take on with the government funded ones!

I have little cash spare for pleasures as my gambling debt must be paid off in the form of 2 loans and 2 overdrafts.

I am trying to think of the debts as chains pulling me down and imprisoning me put on by the gambling industry. When I slowly pay the debt off and not increase the debt the chains will become looser and eventually fall away...

This image also puts me off the gambling which only leads to more gambling win or lose and more debts and pain

I am no longer after that one big win. It more often than not never happens. I am astounded when poeple I know have bought 20- 25 lotto tickets in syndicate then say ' I can't believe I have not even got a tenner'

lets face it the odds of winning are millions to one of the top prize and hundreds to 1000s to one for the other prizes!

Awayout

Should have seen it coming. Sulk over I have lost £215 on the roulette today.

Went in to just do a few horses on the National a silly mistake I ended up on the machines. Had about £280 I could have collected but I just couldn't press collect...

Those machines have still got me I don;t know why. Went back to the cash point twice I have not had the card with me for ages a stark reminder why....

Start of the month again. Only good thing this time I have just enough to put the money back in my acccount for bills. But my overdraft is up to the hilt again after making inroads.

I just realise I cannot go anywhere where the machines are and it just makes me feel sick.

Awayout

If you are serious about your recovery you would march in to every bookies you know and self exclude.

Regards

Steve E

Hi stevey

Thanks for your comments. I am seriously considering excluding. I already have blocks on the computer.

I am really fooling myself that I can have this under control if I go to the local bookies with any access to cash it is gone in a few hours.

I even said to the chap in the bookies I cannot control my money when Im near these machines I never win.

Hope to get myself sorted out very shortly. This is not a lie I dont even have the cash for the photos at the moment...

the fact a 100-1 shot won the grand national is just another reminder of what a mug's game this is... the bookies as usual made a killing....

The relapses are slowing but it needs to stop completely. As soon as things are getting a little bit better I relapse...

Before I had 1000s to lose in savings...and have lost 1000s more in debt I cannot afford to gamble anymore as a pastime. A costly pastime which has become an addiction.

Awayout

You wanted to gamble,its as simple as that.

Seriously considering excluding?????,try to understand that this route and others are merely stumbling blocks to get over IF you want to gamble and you prove that you do time and time again!!!!.

I dont want to sound harsh (again) but it pains me when i see that you seem quite an intelligent guy,you post a lot of good sense about how gambling makes you feel etc BUT you cant seem to make that one further step and keep off the gambling,its almost like you need the relapses to justify your bad feelings about gambling.

Theres not much difference between a lot of people on here,we all have a common goal and believe me i,m not unique in my thoughts,i have my tough moments BUT i will not gamble these days,its no use to me anymore,i,ve done too much damage to return to it.

Its hard at times to resist them urges (for me too sometimes!!!!) but stop making it harder,you KNOW whats needed,free yourself from this gambling c**P and start enjoying a bit of life,you deserve better.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hello Awayout,

Im sorry to hear your relapse.

Steve :- excellent advice for Awayout. He cant go on like this.

I also went into the bookies yesterday. I had 4 horses in works sweepstake. All beat.

I also had 7 horses at £1 ew. All beat.

How unlucky is that? Bloody horses !!!

Very expensive month for me this month. I put £150 away towards a cruise. £100.00 road tax for my car thats worth approximately that. Another £400 bills. Money money money !!!!

Hope you get over that loss Awayout. It may take a wee while but it seems to me you cant go into the bookies anymore.

Make the Choice

Regards

Pauly

Hi Awayout,

Ive read your latest thoughts. The money was always going to go because your addicted to gambling just like I am and everyone else who makes the effort to find these recovery forums.

Its a tough addiction that requires tough action. Do what you have to do to stop yourself gambling.. if you really want to stop.. all the best.. S.A

Thanks for all your support

Massive headache today after losing the much need lolly.

The worst thing is not the money it is seeing my mum let down again. I feel like I am spoiling her life by gambling too I dont want to do that but keep gambling.

Hope I can make improvement again

Awayout

If I were you I would wise up very, very quickly. Your mum can only take so much before she gives up. This has to come from you and it has to be for you.

Do what is right and self exclude fom everywhere in your local area. No excuses.

Take care

Steve E

Just to say thanks for the caring but firm support - it is what I need.

I don't want to let herself down or myself anymore..

Life is very short and I think so many people going round in a real race are missing out on life and I dont want to be like that anymore.

I am doing the same every month and it just has to stop

Awayout

I am doing the same every month and it just has to stop

So now do something about this madness. Self exclusion from betting shops should be your next post.

C'mon you can do it.

Steve E

Awayout,

You are running out of chances. A cat may have 9 lives but your time is running out.

Exclude from the bookies.

End this madness now and forever.

Pauly

I have come to the conclusion that I need to self exclude in the local area.

I realise that I would have paid a large amount of my debt off had I not had the relapses....

It is encouraging that people here are self-excluding even someone who has a bookies next door as workplace.

Thanks for your support

Awayout