Need to start all over!

Hi

Thanks for the support. I hope all works out for you. It seems like you had your ups and downs. Believe me I have been there.

I look back and see long periods of months without a bet and suddenly losing control one night and losing thousands. I understand now that no bet is small and harmless because it eventually leads to more and more and more.

I passed my first day but I feel too bad. Shame and disbelief are unbearable. It will go away and things will be back on track. I am sure of it and I feel lucky that I have people to relate to.

Thanks again,

C.A.

Thanks CA that takes something to support someone else when you are feeling down.

As you can see I am noway near fully recovered addict but noone will or should judge you here as we all have had problems at some stage. Every individuals story and recovery is different though,

One thing I have noticed the 'poor me' syndrome does not get you out the mess it keeps you there longer.

I can remember how I have had decent amounts of cash almost in my ***. Feeling elated that I was some kind of 'bigshot' with all this cash on the table (online etc). Then moments later the tables to turn and the luck run out and feeling like bursting in tears when it had gone.

There have been times when I had won lost won it all back only for the losses to follow on the very same day...

It is a pointeless and sad existence. Even this beautiful sunny day I know there will be 1000s in the bookies hoping the machine will pay out watching for winners that never come or of they do only to be followed by losers another time. The only losers are the gamblers.

'When was the last time you saw a bookies close down I ask myself?' The answer is they are not they are thriving on addictive gambling and in fact I see more and more opening up even in 'poor communities'.

Awayout

"It is a pointeless and sad existence Awayout, what you said really sums it up for me. I am so glad to now have a purpose in everything I do. I do it for me and yet I know my family and friends are also gaining from the "new" me.

And any gambling environment is geared to make us all losers. But no more for us eh? we will be the winners. Min x

Hi awayout,

Just checking in to yr diary. Hope you are doing ok?

Weldy

Hello Awayout you keeping okay? You need to get more barriers up with the Derby just around the corner. Stay strong !!!

pauly

Hi Pauly/Others thanks for your concern

I did get in trouble with the exchanges on horses once where you can be a backer or booky yourself. Needless to say I lost in the end.

I am not having a problem with horses it is all forms of roulette (except real casino). It is the bookies FOBT that really got me hooked and spending big money out of my league.

I was a 'normal gambler' until the bookies machines were introduced some time ago over ten years???

I don't really get excited by the horses anymore as betting has taken so much out of my life.

I have some big debt like many people here and all due to Roulette. The temptation is you can win big very fast but also lose big very quickly when you are on a losing run...

Does anyone else here have a previous/current problem with the roulette machines/online?

Awayout

hi mate

i had/have a huge addiction to roulette.i only discovered the fobts about 5 year ago,by accident and was instantly addicted,after never playing a game of roulette of any form in my entire life.at that point 5 years ago,fruit machines were my vice.i was addicted to them,but these machines in the bookies blew that away and did no longer bother with fruit machines,even tho i was addicted to them.just shows how powerful and deadly these machines are.ive spent easily tens of thousands in them,only really having a few good wins in the 5 years playing them.when i say good wins,£500 or so,which isnt even really that good considering the amount a put in.but to be fair,as much as i hate these machines,and roulette in the whole,if i wasnt gambling on them,would still have been fruit machines.im a gambler!end off!maybe if you wasnt playing these,another form of gambling would be taking your money?

Hi I have let myself and my mother and supporters here down again.

I thought I had won £1000 after joining a casino online and turning to live and automated roueltte again. Never hardly hit the bank the second time.

I felt like it wasn't me also ahve borrowed money to stop me going over my overdraft limit.

I feel so sick up to 3:30sm again this morning losing £1700 money for my overdraft, bills etc.

Now no money for bills. Started thinking I would not touch the last £500 for bills but I have.

I will not be coming back to this site again until I see some improvement.

May not even have the computer

Awayout

So sorry to hear your relapse away. you must be totally devasted. My heart goes out to you. You need to go to GA meetings now.

Pauly

Thanks for sharing that on here. I don't have to gamble today because you are doing it for me and letting me know how painful this addiction is if I don't follow simple rules.

Keep posting

Steve E

hi awayout,

Don't give up on your recovery, when i have f***** up in the past the easy option is to say balls to this and hit the self-destruct button, keep gambling mate and things will get worse, you know that, keep fighting don't let the b*****d that is gambling win. you be the winner!

all the best and keep posting.

green x

I would love to go to a GA meeting but there are no near ones.

Yes maybe people who are thinking about gambling will be put off by reading my diary but I do not want to be the 'victim' of gambling anymore.

I think the only way foward for me is the complete abstinence from all forms of gambling. I know it will be tough and I have now decided to meet this head on.

No more excuses please I say to myself.

Thanks Green for your energy boost I really needed that rallying call again!

Awayout

If there was a betting shop offering a free £100 worth of spins and you keep profits and it was twice the distance away as your nearest GA meeting would you go?

Of course you would, so get yourself motivated and get to a GA meeting

Regards

Steve E

I am not making excuses. I have no car I finish work at around 6. No money for trains etc I think the nearest one is exeter..

I will consider going when I am on holiday again though.

I am near Taunton I believe there was a Taunton meet once but that has closed. There must be problem gamblers in the area but I think the nearest one is Exeter.

Stevey. Actually I would probably not be going to the betting shops it is online where the problem lies although I started with the FOBTs and that is where my addiction started.

I am aiming to go 6 months gamble free. If I can do that I will have achieved something but you are right I do need some kind of help. Does anyone ahve experience of going to the doctor for a counsellor on the NHS???

I am still in a state of shock from reckless and compulsive gambling yesterday morning into the early hours I never thought I would do that again...

Now it is a case of keeping the banks at bay and keeping my mind on work so I do not make any hashes. Very easy when you are worried about money...

Awayout

hi mate

I hear what stevey is saying, but also see that you are,well at rock bottom just now. ive been there myself, many of times. we just wish we could rewind the clock, but we cant and now you have to face up to the effects this latest gambling binge. really is an awful addiction,just hang in there mate,as hard as it is,try not to get too down.be good if you could now put it behind you as what as happened as happened and you cant change that.stay close to this site,put down your thoughts,ur feelings!i do and i find it helps me.

all the best

neil