Need to start all over!

Thanks for your support. Much appreciated!

You are right Jas 'what if' is just a negative thought. I was just being open and honest about what was going through my head when gambling/lottery thoughts were going through my head on Wednesday.

There are so many lottery draws now it is unbelievable how it has spiralled. There must be some people spending money they cannot afford on the lotto every week poor old pensioners etc etc;

Sorry to hear about your relapse Green. Your post touched me about going through 'feeling low' I can empathise with you.

We can do it again. I think total abstinence is the only way for me the same for you???

Many a time one scratchcard/lotto has brought me back to hravy gambling.

Gambling is such a selfish and self destructive activity for me. Perhaps some others can gamble sensibly every week but I know I cannot. I will always have that large binge in the end.

Maybe when I was feeling down and lonely I was trying to destroy myself by gambling self destructively. I know that I have got an addiction now due to gambling as a 'way out' or blanking out other problems.

I do not want gambling in my life anymore. I have failed before giving up but I feel serious this time. I hope the pain of the low feeling following my recent relapse never fades to spur my recovery.

Here's to better days ahead.

Awayout

Have u self excluded yet.

You will have a great feeling when you do , start the weekend off on a great note by self excluding in the morning.

Regain some power.

Cheers

Quite proud. Was tempted to buy lotto Sat. But fortunately quite busy that day.

12 days gamble free Sunday (today)

Not getting complacent as no money to gamble with.

Dont want to start the spiral out of control happening again!

Awayout

Hi Awayout and just to say well done. Keep strong and take care Min

Hi

You seemed to miss my question Awayout.

Self excluded or not???

Yes, well done on your gambling free time! Keep working your recovery one day at a time, one minute at a time as necessary. All the best.. S.A 🙂

Hello there. Have read through your whole diary over the last few days, mostly feeling terrible for you and i have pulled most of my hair out reading your posts. I joined the site on Sunday after a terrible gambling roulette spree mid week. I have been gambling since 16 and am now 24 but have been a heavy roulette player for 3 years. All my close friends were massive spinners of the reel too so our social lifes led us to the bookies. I have similar crippling debts to you at 24 and that is no good thing and i understand how much of a burden this can be.

Since Sunday i have recieved advice about how to deal with my problems (i did know how to do deal with them but just needed someone to be brutally honest, who knows what we are going through)

1. My bank card is at my parents with all my i.d so no way to access money in my account.

2. direct debits to pay my bills so never need cash to pay which will only lead me into the roulette to try and catch number 8 which as you know will happen 1-100 spins if you have money on it.

3. I have gone to all the bookies in my local town and self excluded. They all know me well and i even have the odd drink with one of there staff members. I was a bit embarassed but f*** it id rather be a bit embarrased then carry on years down the line losing 2k of my wages a month. + what ever i borrow/loan.

4. Started playing golf. i hate golf!! im so cr** but me and a friend go and have a laugh, got some crappy old clubs and off we go. (our goal is to play in a amatures tournament in 18 months! never going to happen! we are useless)

5. Money that i cant touch will be used for me and my missus to get a place and slowly pay my debts. I have already had a place but lost it due to gambling and nearly lost her.

I really admire your honestly in your diary and wish you all the luck in the future. My attitude is that im not going to be a victim of machines that will maybe give me a buzz but the bad times always outweigh the good times. I loved a bet on the horses, loved the lottery but i will now not touch anything to do with gambling. I know it has only been a week but im going to tackle this with a MASSIVE positive attitude. You only live once and at the end of the day its up too you. ONLY YOU.

Theres a lot of people on here who give you advice and stick by you and we all want you to succeed. I know my opnion probably counts for s**t but hey!! Make your mum proud she seems like a diamond. Please exlude yourself from the bookies just think of your mum when you go in and all the times shes bailed you out and fill those forms in. Trust me mate you will feel great when you do. Get blocks online and instaed of typing in roulette type in MUM.

Sorry for the essay. I respect you so much and the burden and struggles you have faced and will face. (im sure im going to have an awful time too.) Stay strong My friend. God Bless you and i hope you all the luck.

Well AWAYOUT strategy has about summed it up. I know last week you were feeling somewhat vulnerable and struggled with some of the home truths, but the time has come to self exclude and do this properly.

Please do it

Just to say although I have not ben gambling this weekend just feeling a bit down.

I wouldn't say exactly depressed but lethargic not wanting to get up and do anything. Maybe I think that's the easy way out it is not.....

I am just feeling aimless. Negative thoughts like I have never had a really decent job earnt good money - decent relationship etc etc...

I know people will say get up and do something but I am mid 30s now and so much time seems to have been wasted gambling and not getting on with enjoying my life...

Need to get myself kick started.

Guess I am also still reeling from the recent big relapse I allowed myself to fall fowl to.

I really want to change but can I when I have been on the same track for so long since about 20...???

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

It is no surprise that you find yourself feeling very low in your life at times with this constant struggle with this addiction. We have all been there believe me, and prior to finding this site, for many years I aimlessly drifted through life, gambling, trying to give up, gambling again etc etc.

The truth is, until YOU really want to stop, you probably won't. You have to want to do it for you, no-one else, it has to come from within.

Recently, you are constantly "ducking" the issue of self-exclusion in your diary, well, not even just recently, you have done so for a long time. Man City keeps asking you to do it, you keep ignoring him.

The only way to control this addiction, is to build from the bottom up, with proper, strong, immovable barriers at the base to stop the constant relapses that you are suffering from.

The moods and the depression are part of the healing process. Your emotions will feel like you have lost someone as a huge part of your normal day routine and life has gone, and you have to replace that loss with something else more positive.

I know you have read all this before, you have been around this site for a fair while.

So you have to find those changes within you and for you.

It's up to you at the end of the day to fight it, and feeling sorry for yourself and playing the victim will not beat the demons.

I hope you can summon up the energy to move forward, the first thing you need to do is to close those doors of opportunity for gambling to come and take you again.

All the best.

Weldy

I have been at it again - money lent for living expenses £10 here and £10 there popping into the bookies after work.

Money was meant for licing expenses so I have cheated myself and mum again.

I need to put an end to this like banging my head against a brick wall.

I need to swallow my pride and get those photos and forms

Awayout

Hi, Awayout

Your right mate it's time to swallow the pride and self-exclude, Although at the time i felt shame while self-excluding, it was by FAR the best thing i ever did.

I was shopping in town the other day and bumped into a lady who managed one of the arcades i had spent years of my life and thousands of pounds in, she asked how i was doing and congratulated me on my gambling free time, i was expecting her to say when are you popping in again. The people who work in these places are just human, There is no shame in admitting your problem and self-excluding.

It's the only way, if you want to make a difference in your life it is a must, no excuses bite the bullet and get it done.

we are all here to support you mate, but you and you alone need to do this, if you want a gamble free life you have no choice.

all the best be strong and self-exclude!

green x

Hi Awayout,

Do you ever read the advice that people put on your diary?

Go and get those forms - don't just say it!

Weldy

Hi Awayout,

£10 here and £10 there. Soon it will £5.00 there and £2.50 there and then at some point you simply grind to a halt. This is indeed what happened to me. I simply ran out of money or sources to get more money. I was told firmly my my mum.. " do not ask me or any member of the family for money".. this was of course after i had gone through the tears and the bailouts. Eventually i went into rehab and some years down the line I am progressively turning my life around for the better. Gambling addiction is progressive it only gets worse. Its my opinion but i also think its fact as well.

But what I would say is that their are options at any point. It maybe that you hit a major life crisis.. family or job related and your are forced to do something positive to help yourself. This is what happened to me.

There are options at any point to help you overcome gambling addiction but the starting place is always a strong resolve and determination not to gamble anymore. The end game for the compulsive gambler tends to be.. prison, insanity and/or death. Sobering words from the GA literature.

Take care and take action to help yourself.. S.A

Hi Awayout,

how's things mate ? good i hope, keep posting mate.

green x