Need to start all over!

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NNS
 NNS
(@nns)
Posts: 175
 

hi mate

dont beat yourself up.it sure is tough beating this gambling game.very tough!!admire your honesty and you come back here rather than hide away.keep fighting it mate,,you/we will get there one day,,just have to keep fighting it.

 
Posted : 15th January 2009 9:29 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

Thanks for your support already feeling better staying off gambling 2 days.

I am finding that since coming to terms with this disease a bit better I am able to recover from relapses much quicker and get on with my life again.

I know ideally I do not want any relapses whatsoever. Then my life will become much rosier.

AWAYOUT

 
Posted : 16th January 2009 7:19 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

hello awayout

i would like to talk with you, i think we talked a bit when i first joined back in september.

anyhow my email is [email protected] email me if you like.

 
Posted : 17th January 2009 4:31 pm
(@Anonymous)
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OK nwm yes I think I remember emailing you before. Will try and contact soon. I I will try and read up on your diary. Hope you are doing better than me!

That has just woken me up to the fact that I have really not met my own targets as regarding giving up gambling.

The last few weeks have been hell again and all because of a stupid spinning wheel produced by some electronics and a lump of metal.

When I saw the machine last week Ibeing opened after ominously my £10 note got stuck I saw how inhuman and all the components of the machine. A machine basically designed to take out cash.

Also the gambling relapse last Wednesday on the betting terminals messed my mind up at work because of the stress and tiredness.

I made an error at work which could not be corrected so cost the company a bit of money. Not the kind of thing you want to do in these tough times!

Anyway I did not think of it afterwards but I am sure the lax concentation stemmed from the gambling blow out.

I did meet someone else who also lost all his cash on these machines and he even offered to self exclude with me but photos were needed.

This really woke me up to the fact that a lot of people in the bookies seemingly havaing fun but actually with big debts and emotional problems from gambling addiction.

Day 3 today gamble free but I am trying not to think of each individual day as this does not seem to work for me. I am trying to take the advice of someone else here and think of this time as a 'breather' from gambling which sort of takes the pressure off the whole experience.

Awayout

 
Posted : 18th January 2009 12:17 am
(@Anonymous)
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Hi, I am a machine addict, I started on this site sept last year and it helped me so much, but today i have realised that I am creeping back to my old ways, I had excluded myself from local arcades but did not from the local bingo, of which I cant actually print the name, anyway after 500 down today I have self excluded, so what now, any way like you say some times it does not help counting each day but you do what works for you, Best Wishers Bandit x

 
Posted : 18th January 2009 12:54 am
NNS
 NNS
(@nns)
Posts: 175
 

hi mate

hope you are feeling ok today,just wanted to pick up on the point"people seemingly having fun on these machines".

id estimate about 95% of these people are down after playing these machines.they just cannot be beaten,they cant!!ok some people will have good days,i had a few myself,maybe reach £500,feel good for a few hours,but it all just goes back in.it really does!people who think they are big shots on these machines are fools.ive seen many of grown men shouting,swearing,kicking these machines,seen grown men presssing the button then turning away as they canot bear to see if they have won or lost.maybe that spin deciedes whether they eat properly or not that week.they really are fixed up to the eyeballs,random my a**e!!addictive as they may be ill never touch one of them lumps of metal and glass again in my life.strong words but i wont and hope u can find it in yourself to do the same,i have lost all interest in them..they aint ruining my life no more!!!i wish u very best!.

 
Posted : 18th January 2009 1:01 am
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

Thanks Neil a good post glad you are keeping off those lumps of metal.

Just to let you know I was one of those 'grown men' swearing and I never normally do that. Swearing at an inanimate object as if it were alive!

i not only dislike those of metal but the 'social life' if you can call it that associated with those machines! I actually had a couple of spectators and someone swore at me with foul language after watching me lose saying I was a ******** ****. They of courxe had just won some money in these machines are thougfht they were God for the day!!! The fact I was losing did not stop that particular **** watching me lose everything. It was asif he was just rubbing salt in the wounds and wanted to see me lose or not win again like he had just done....

I confess I am still occasionally think about those machines even after losing my bill money recently last Wednesda after being bailed out.

I had £5 in my pocket but spent in on a book instead I am pleased to report. I really do not trust myself with any cash at the moment!!!

Anyway this is my 4th day without gambling and I feel just fine!!!! Having a relaxing Sunday. Money seems to be alot on my mind selling things etc; but that ios a normal reaction for me and I am aware that I need to stay away from the old gambling game.

AWAYOUT

 
Posted : 18th January 2009 11:51 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

hi awayout. have just read your diary.... i as u know stopped for 3 months in septmeber then in december i bought a lap top for one of my kids for xmas without gamblock on it... needless too say i have been playing on it almost every week since... im now once again checking my bank account every day juggling money i cannot afforf too juggle.. and receiving bank statements every few days instead of twice a mth like when i stopped.. this time will be hard as yes i still have the laptop without gamblock on it.. but i cant play at my normal bingo site no more as they think i will be basically returning my account back too the use it had when i first opended it... so for me now take each day at a time.. just a quick question you said you needed photos too stop yourself going into the bookies?? why didnt you buy these instead of the book?? then you would have that BARRIER in place. anyways hope it works out for you take care shell x

 
Posted : 18th January 2009 5:48 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

For some reason I am getting into my head I can really stay off roulette betting machines.

I am saying to myself I need to stay away for the rest of the year which is 11 months? Am I just fooling myself and is this an impossible task?

Yet today I admit to buying 3 pounds worth of scratchcards and did not win a penny so I guess that may be for the best. I really dont think I can stay off gambling totally for the rest of the year but I do think I can can out the roulette which would be a great start.

I could have had a much nicer month by not gambling on the roulette and I must make that stick it in my memory and conscience which is a harder thing to do.

Had an OK day at work a couple thongs were annoying and I think if I had had the means I may have found myself in the bookies.

I was doing quite well until last month. I must remember to ne extra careful watcing for signs over the Christmas period in future. As much good work was undone. I have not had to have a 'bail out' for many months and I think that was a wake up call to the fact I am still vulnerable to being tempted to gamble.

So all blocks in place as regards no card in hand/cheques to cash.

 
Posted : 21st January 2009 12:15 am
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

Hi I am in that horrible void again of knowing I should not gamble as it is not good for me but there is such a void as gambling has been the main part of my life I am ashamed to say!!!!

I am joining in with a club tonight I am in which hopefully will take my mind off the debt.

I know money is only a number. But when you have done yourself in to a tune of £23,000 and lost all your savings it is hard not to keep thinking of the debt. I know it is a lot of money and I know it could get even worse if I let gambling take over again.... The only saving grace is that I cannot secure anykind of credit loans/overdraft or even a c card again which stops me going in deeper.

The main danger which I think scares a lot of people is using bill/food money and feeling desperate which I did this month and had to be bailed by parent (again ashamed to say).

I am in a low paid job so the debt alone will take 9 years to pay over time because of the high interest accrued from consolidation loan....It sounds awful but I am almost wishing my life away to see that debt free day and actually be able to save some money.

i feel like I am a burden an a drain on the parents I am living with. I have dreams of having my own business one day so if I go bankrupt that may never be possible.

I have applied for jobs but being in a part time job and the current market has probably put employers off when applying.

I know to some people earning the national average and above 23k is probably nothing but to me it seens a life sentence.

I know gambling is not the answer when I have 'won' large chunks of cash I have never paid off debt only to gamble again and lose more.

I have considered bankruptcy but fear for the phonecalls to my parents home etc and the implications it may have.....for the future.....

Does anyone here have experience of IVA/Bankruptcy/Debt management plansI cannot see things getting any better with this debt hanging over my head for the next 9 years?

AWAYOUT

 
Posted : 22nd January 2009 11:18 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hello Awayout,

I've read most of your diary and i can really sympathise with you and i understand the problems you face. There is no doubt gambling can be very exciting and the buzz you get can be hard to find elsewhere.

Money is just a numbere but im sure it rests heavy on your shoulders the debt you've ran up. Try and not think years ahead and take each day and week at a time Awayout. If i can help you in anyway i will. If i can give you a bit of advice. See when you next get paid fill your cupboards with groceries, buy some electric, bus tickets the essentials to get you through the tough times. If you go to work just bring say a £10.00 leave your wallet and bank cards at home. set yourself a daily budget it works for me. If you do wander into the bookies just remember how a bad state the economy is and that the pound today is certainly best kept in your pocket. i know you could say all this is common sense but you must start to think about your future. I would also say never think of yourself as a burden to your parents. They are probably glad to help you out at times. I myself am in a lower paid job even though i graduated with a degree. i work in the civil service in Belfast. My neighbour once told me that horses is one of the best ways for the poor man to win a bit of money. But just rmember how bad it feels to lose. You here the screams and yells of the disgruntled punter in the bookies losing yet again as yet another beaten docket gets thrown through the air. I remember ages ago i was in the bookies and the language of some punters was a disgrace i wouldnt repeat it. I thought to myself is that man enjoying himself when i see him raging and cursing you know the answer is no.

take your time Awayout and consider your options. I usually draw up the bills for the month and see whats left over. Pay the priority bills and if you have spare cash your doing well in this economic climate. Anyway best of luck Awayout im with you 100%

Pauly

 
Posted : 22nd January 2009 8:30 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

Thanks Pauly I have read your post and feel much better now!

I am feeling the pinch not only as you say because of the debt but added with the stress of the economic climate. This sounds sick but I almost hear myself wishing I would get the sack so I would have to go bankrupt and start over!!!

I know that is not the attitude and we have to take responsibility for our actions which is why I am trying to pay back over the years even though I blame the banks for the high interest in consolidation loans!!!!

The budget idea is good. The sickening feeling I have is this month I did have some good spare cash from doing some trading. I spent the lot on the FOBTS. I could have used it to keep things sweet and pay off a little of the debts but of course you never think of that is you are in gambling mode!!!

It is a true saying 'good money after bad' when you are a gambler. I aways find it infinitely worse throwing 'good money' down the drain you have worked for than the 'dirty money' of gambling....

Anyway I was feeling itchy today and I am taking your advice carrying little cash etc. I have to have someone go with me to the bank with my card now as I really cannot reust myself because of teh FOBTs.

I agree about the swearing. Someone I think I mentioned swore at me for being an idiot losing on those machines after they had stood there and watched me lose that is!!!!

Some of those people through the gambling in the bookies are the meanest and most cruel spirited people on the face of the earth. Dont know about you but I can recognise a gambler at a 100 paces. Rushing to the cash point looking all elated then another day seeing them look in despair.

Must remind ourselves not to go back to that hell.

Have a good day!!

AWAYOUT

 
Posted : 24th January 2009 1:35 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hello Awayout,

Im glad you feel a little better. Im no expert in advice as ive made loads of mistakes myself. I relate to your diary though and im just trying to give you tips on helping you save cash. I agree with you that when you have ready cash in your wallet you have in a way a little power. Its only when all them crisp notes disappear from your wallet that you regret your actions. normally when i gambled it wasnt until i went home and closed the door that it hit home. Hold on pauly you'd ten crisp bank of england notes now you have none. The penny drops so to speak. ;P

See them FOBT or whatever you call them i grew to hate them. I used to play the golden track 3 game. the greyhound game. I always picked trap 5 which was 8-1. you know something, i saw myself having rougly 20 games and never winning one. i went away very angry. You know Awayout the height of bad manners is the guy who stands behind you watching you play these fruit machines/FOBT machines. id say they enjoy watching you lose some people. I just think the game machine is for 1 player. why would i want some stranger watching. see when your losing you could tuen round and choke them.

My advice on the cash thing is only a suggestion. see if you go in with £20 and lose it you'll probably run to the bank machine if you have your bank cards with you. mind you when you lose £20 it can be tempting to get the bus home and grab your wallet and try and recover the loss. I did that before alright. Hope im not waffling on too much id a few pints of cobra tonight washed down with a glass of CAVA. PS be carefull if your in town drunk as i know myself you might be more likely to have a flutter. personally speaking i took up running this year and cut out the pinting during the week. Life has more to offer than the gambling and i know its hard for everyone on here to stop it.

As for the swearing that man was very ignorant. As if he cared you lost money he was probably some drunken b*m passing through.

yeah Awayout you can tell the gambler a mile off. dont you see thew same old faces in them bookies be it *********** or ******. They shout damm i was going to back dog 2 and i changed my docket. its fixed the racing. Sure look at john mccrecrick isnt he a sight for sore eyes and i dont just mean the time he was on big brother. hehehe

Nice to read your latest entry Awayout all the very best in your mission. I hope i help you. your diary certainly helped me too.

All the best,

Pauly

 
Posted : 24th January 2009 10:59 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Hi glad to report although I have a gambling problem I do not have an alcohol one.

At times though I have turned to a drop of the hard stuff. I think I am the kind of person who it is possible to turn to drink longterm but so far I have not taken to the bottle as the 'answer to my problems'. Gambing addiction for me enough in itself.

I was feeling fine today but then began thinking about the number of instalments I need to pay long term. It is a lot but when I split it down over time the single instalments dont seem so bad!!!!

However, then I found myself thinking about money in the way I should not as a person with a gambling problem. Sorry if I am over analysing myself but this diary is for me !!!!

I starting thinking well perhaps I could win those 100 instalments bit by bit how mad is that do we ever learn when fighting this addiction. It is the addiction I should have learnt by now that has led to me being this amount in debt.

I know the debt will be gone over several years if I just make sure I have a couple hundred a month to pay the instalments. As long as I stay away from gambling I know I can do it.

I wonder if anyone here is having similar thoughts about gambling to get their debts sorted out even though we know it is not the right way to sort things out????

These stupid little thoughts I know do matter as they influence out actual actions. It is only our ability to control ourselves against the negative addiction thoughts that can keep us all on the straight and narrow....

Really I am realising I am my own worst enemy as what is best for me. At least for the last 10 years I have not looked out for myself by gambling.

It is weird reaching a kind of emotional and financial bottom is the only time after all these years I am beginning to see sense as regards gambling.

The curremt recession has only made things clearer regarding the money. I simply cannot afford to risk money and that is all due to the money lost on gambling.

I would say 80% of my debt has been caused as a direct result of gambling....

Anyway just my thought for the day....

AWAYOUT

 
Posted : 26th January 2009 12:41 am
NNS
 NNS
(@nns)
Posts: 175
 

hi awayout

i like to read your posts.they make me think.i dont have thoughts off gambling to work my way into my debts.it simply will not work.all it will do is put me/ u into even more finiancial trouble.and me personally if i went on a little winning streak would i pay of my debts?.of course i wouldnt,id gamble until i lost it all and more.keep posting awayout and above all dont give ur hard earned money to the big fat smug smelly bookmaker!!!hes had enough of ur money!!regards,neil

 
Posted : 26th January 2009 2:03 am
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