Need to start all over!

Hi Awayout

Your anger at being changed around is justified but you were annoyed at te manager so you should have asked the manager what was going on instead of speaking to others. I'm sure word will get back to the manager you were not happy. Just ask and I'm sure you will be given a full explanation whether you agree or not. No one has ever been sacked for asking questions to a supervisor if done in the right light. Glad you are going along in a strongerframe of mind.

Take care

Just dropping in. Yes Smiler you are right I felt that after I had the outburst. I think I was feeling more liable to 'snap' as I had been on that customer facing role all week selling lottery products and fancied a change.

Selling lottery stuff has not helped my addiction but at least you can see the sheer amount of addiction and greed and desperation might I add.

Before I probably encouraged people to buy more of these products by saying I liked a flutter too now I am more neutral and try to avoid saying anything that might fuel addiction or encourage gambling among others or to myself. I have even seen parents getting young children to pick their numbers etc (obviously the parents are buying) I find this behaviour absolutely disgusting. Even the parents trying to let them give me the slips. Then I firmly say they are not allowed to gamble...

People say things like: 'this is a winner isnt it?' (yes Im psychic!) 'Make me a winner ' (If I could do that would I be working here?) etc etc 'you have sold me a winner haven't you or I will be back to beat you up! - or you will be in trouble' (yes I am not joking customers say that sort of thing and they think they are being funny and that was a woman!). 'This is definitely a winner isn't it'.

It is as if they are trying to get me involved in their gambling experience and that I somehow have an influence on their luck. Obviously I do not want to be involved in their gambling experience for my own sanity also. I don't care now if they were to win a million I don't want to be involved in the 'hype'.

I try now to think OK I don't like what I am doing it's a job but I am not going to try and get involved in their 'lucky streak' etc I am just selling the product. Sometimes though I do not think this is doing me or my recovery any good at all..

You see such desperate people and it should have been enough to put me off gambling for life but I was blind to it when I was addicted myself and wanted 'my chance at the jackpot'.

People here can probably see why I want a job away from the lottery products. Unfortuntely I am not in a financial position to be able to jack it in. It certainly is not nice doing a lot of hours selling lottery products... as a recovering gambler.

I really look forward to the weekends and NOT gambling

Awayout

I don't know why could be the 'winter blues' but no get up and go today although I did go to church as usual.

I cannot seem to get to grips with not wasting any free time I have. I am trying to make a bit of extra money on those well known auction sites, but I never seem to get enough done. Largely because I am enjoying an after dinner nap.

Just got out of bed again at 4 in the afternoon, guess it is a nice place to keep warm and try and shout out my present and past problems.

I know it is not good for me to do this but it seems the only way of recharging my batteries.

I may be focusing far too much on the need to find ways of getting some extra money together. I am also finding I am spending/wasting too much money on 'things' on stuff I dont need with the excuse I could make some money out of it.

I really need to stop this reckless spending habit. Spending money at auctions could simply replace my gambling addiciton if I am not careful. In fact gambling and the auctions went together at times. I guess maybe the buying/selling at auctions could be given me some of the same adrenaline rush and downer when you waste money.

Have spent out quite a lot of my money on auction stuff so I need to watch myself there if I am going to recover some of my debts mainly caused by my gambling.

I need to find things away from gambling that are not 'money focused' or cost much money if I can. I also find Februrary a lonely time as it reminds me of the fact I am single at nearly 40 when so many people seem to be enjoying the things that come with relationships and Valentines day etc.

I know a lot of this false and equally I have missed out on rows and heartbreak but I would like to find someone out there one day.

Trying to settle my mind on other things

Awayout

Just dropping in.

Getting into the second month of my time completely gamble free now.

Feeling much better when I am working and doing things. I realise over the last 10 years especially I have been very selfish and not given family the time and love I should have been. My relationships have suffered with the gambling.

I think I will only ever hold down a serious relationship with not gambling.

Got called in for extra overtime as someone was sick but feel much better for it because if kept my mind off things. Yes it was a but stressful getting ready quickly but I think in fact it did me good.

My mind seems to be clearing of late and I only fleetingly pass over to thoughts of gambling on the odd occasion like the end of the day after work on the way home -especially lottery as that was a habit I had since about 2005.

There are some family issues with some illness with a close member recently who I had been out of touch with and I feel a sense of guilt about that. I need to do something about it.

Anyway a feeling of onwards and upwards today! Not so cold in SW UK today. Anyone who feels like it can drop into my diary.

Feel better able to cope with lifes ups and downs without choosing the gambling as an option. Well and truly I hope that door is closed and I can move on with a new chapter in my life.

Awayout

Hi Matey

Apart from illness etc that is the most positive I have heard from you since I started reading your diary. It is all down to staying away from gambling. If we don't gamble we have a chance of winning. Take care

Hi awayout,

Your sounding really positive atm and to cope with selling gambling products while dealing with this addiction shows some real inner strength.

Keep up the good work hun your doing great.

Stay Strong

E xx

Thanks for the replies.

Feeling quite positive. If I can get to 2 months I will be ecstatic.

Lousy day at work working with the general public.

Not everyone is bad - but then you get some people who seem to go out their way to 'wind you up.' Else it is natural ability. I would be interested in hearing from anyone else who has worked in retail/dealing with customers..

Looking forward to a 'nomal day' tomorrow.

Awayout

Hi Awayout

Imagine you take a ruck sack to work and it can be filled with things from your stresses or it can be filled wit things others put in. The difference is you can deal with the things you have put in they belong to you so sort them. Others will burden you with problems but all you do is discard them from your rucksack. They don't belong to you so get rid. Take care

Doing well in my recovery!

Will be debt free in just under five years at my reckoning if I don't gamble and use my money wisely. Could actually be debt free earlier if I am more careful with my cash generally and even find a better job.

I will try not to focus on the debt too much. I just need to concentrate on my recovery and other things will fall in place..

Thinking about love a lot this week being single man (Valentines weekend) . Still there are a lot of singles out their so now my mind is off gambling I can concentrate on my social life a bit more and maybe some dating!

Awayout

Good on ya...get out there and spread the Awayout love ...take care ...Rach

Doing OK. Wed. was tough for some reason - heard about someone winning 7k on hotpicks lottery (4 numbers). I used to like doing three numbers the same for months. But I always ended up buying more...

Managed to walk past and is just over a month and a half without any gambling. Have been spending out on stuff I can't really afford so I must watch out for that.

It is the gambling though on 31/12/11 that put my financial situtation back more than a step or two!

Awayout

Yes, it's nice to treat yourself a little and it's great that you are keeping an eye on this. You don't want to go from one addiction to the other!

As for the person who won 7k, I actually feel sorry for him/her. If that person is a CG, this will probably lead to the loss of that 7k plus more.

Hopefully he/she will see sense and stop now.

Just remember what you did on 31/12/11 and that you must still be feeling the effects of that day. I am still feeling the effects of numerous events in the past few years and I am striving to get over these by remaining totally gamble free for the rest of my life.

High expectations, I know, but that is the reality of my situation at the moment.

GT

Hi matey... well done on your gambling free time... keep going.. keep safe.. S.A

Well done on the gambling free time - i'm just back here and am trying to find that inspiration again

Take Care

Blues

Hi Awayout... if you have fallen off the recovery boat then just get back on and start over.

If you haven't fallen off the recovery boat.. then well done to you. Give us an update anyway.

All the best matey.. S.A 🙂