Need to start all over!

Yes, just take it a day at a time and an hour at a time if needed.

Bookies really have no morals or values in life don't they? There is a simple solution to keeping CGs away - membership only and the ease of being able to self-exclude from every single bookie in the country with ease using that membership when needed.

I really do hope that this will happen one day then bookies will return to what they used to be in the old days - a smittering of people just trying the occasional small bet that they can afford.

It's hard, I know, but only you can make the right choices for yourself. It's time for you and all of us on here to move forward and the only way to do this is to STOP and stay WELL away from gambling hell-holes.

Stay strong and stay positive mate.

NT

Hi Awayout... remember that when all is said and done compulsive gambling is not about the money but of course when deep in debt we convince ourselves that it is. As is always the case for addicted gamblers, myself very much included.. any winnings always go back from whence they came.. its just a question of time. The only win is not to play. Stay focussed as i try to do the same... S.A 🙂

I have been in that arcade again. Up to daily limit as usual. You are all right the only way to win is to stop.

Things only started getting better earlier in the year because I was not gambling. The gambling has ruined everything again but not my determination to quit. I only think I let myself down today because I needed the fix. The gambling itself was pointless cannot say I really intended to keep any money I just wanted the fix..

I feel so angry at myself. I am going to direct that anger at gambling.

Need to remind myself gambling is S***e s**t, cr**, etc hope some of these words are allowed.

Everyday I am going to drop in and remind myself that gambling is the pits as often as I can and direct some of that energy drive and anger into constructive things.

Awayout

Just a reminder Gambling is S***e

Will help me keep focused although no 'opportunity' to gamble today

Awayout

#2 What lovely weather. Enjoyed the weekend apart from the gambling on Sat.

Just calling in to remind myself gambling is S***e. Not particularly looking forward to having to work with the public on such a nice day. You tend to get those little smirks: 'you are in here, we are enjoying the weather types', anyone who has worked in retail will know what I am talking about.

As soon as some people see a bit of nice weather you do get that sarcasm ' Oh it's so nice out there, pity you are stuck in here all day, smile' . Not so long ago they were coming in miserable with all the rain, gloomy weather. Now it will be the few sarcastic gloating types, (wearing their sunglasses in doors etc) and of course the irritable, moaning impatient hot types. Again anyone who has ever worked in retail/public facing will know what I am on about.

Nevermind, at least I am not gambling.

I want this to be the road to starting my life again. Will be over 40 once things are sorted, with not a lot to show but at least I will not be in debt.

Awayout

Hi mate... the consequnces of gambling are S***e. Stay strong in your resolve as i do the same.. S.A

Thanks for calling in SA

I was just checking in after a hard week working in this lovely weather and is was nice to see you dropping in.

Today is day 6. Saturdays are where I am falling down at the moment. It had always been my 'betting day' when I started with gambling. This tied in with the N Lottery which made things worse. Nearly every Saturday has revolved round gamblng which is sad when you think about it...

Awayout

HI Awayout,

Well done on day 6, so saturday is approaching, what will do differnet to all the other saturdays when you might of had a bet ?

This is a programme about change also, we have to change our habits thoughts and behavouirs.. this doesnt happen over night but small changes. Maybe tomorrow is the time for change, do something different that will distract you from gambling.

Keep strong

Blondie

Good news made day #7 not going gambling.

I have to admit I wasted my money somewhere else. Nothing to do with gambling but still a waste and were talking 100s. So I really need to turn off that self destruct button as regards the wasting of money itself.

The reality is I have no money, only around 15k of debt. Althought this would be quite a chunk less if I pay off the major loan earlier. But I can only do that if I manage my money.

I wasted a similar amount as I did last Saturday on this other wasteful thing (not gambling).

For some reason I think it makes me feel like 'a big man' splurging money and wasting it. In reality though I have next to nothing. There is some kind of kick from wasting the much needed money and I don't understand why.

So I admit to being free from gambling for the first time in ages but I am still wasting my money and making things financially and emotionally harder for myself. I had already splurged the money somewhere else so did not gamble, but the net effect has been the same: mindless waste of money and longer to pay of debt,,,

What the f* is wrong with me?

Don't I want a better life??? I have to admit I was so tempted to gamble again to win the money frittered on 'other things' yesterday...

Managed to stay away wasteful pursuits of my hard earned cash and not replace gambling with other forms of cash spending addicitons

Has anyone else here experience this problem, waasting money on other things replaceing the gambling bug???

Awayout

Hi Awayout...

You ask.. Has anyone else here experience this problem, waasting money on other things replaceing the gambling bug???

Yes for sure.. a boozy night out and all that that entails is the obvious example... ie the booze, the fast food, take aways, taxi's etc. Its all relative I think. Spending money for instant gratification isn't necessarilly a bad thing.. it just depends if you can afford it and why your doing it. Its like the other week I was out with frineds after a run race and spent alot relative to my income but it was worth it cos it was social and fun.

I guess other folk may waste money buying clothes and "stuff" they don't need. maybe they buy it on impulse just to cheer self up. Occasionally i do that but not very often.

Its very easy to swap one addiction for another... but for me its the gambling that has always caused the most unpleasant consequences. Its the gambling that has to stay stopped for me. Keep working at it mate... S.A

Hi SA, and diary

You are so right, if you have the money to treat yourself with nice things that is fine. It is when you are wasting money you cannot afford on things you don't really need.

In a way the waste of money on useless things is a very similar feeling to me as wasting it on gambling. Except gambling you see no real pleasure or outcome you are simply wasting money on an addiction.

I did spend a lot of Money I should not have as I could not really afford it, but it was a change from gambling. Now I just need to spend within my means again and get back to where I was at the end of May financially as I was beginning to get the debt down.. This will take a few years of graft again but I know it can be done if I save hard and am careful with the little I gratefully have..

Gamcare is really a tower of strength and I seem to be gaining more focus again by writing more here. So often I am writing one thing leaving the diary a while and then going back to feeding the addiciton.. but at least I can review what is happening to me and try and change.

The addiction is like a 'monster' lurking there all the time. I just need to make sure the monster stays in the cage and I don't let it out! haha

Awayout

Sorry to have to impart a relapse but I went and did £500 in the arcade. Unbelievable and stupid given the jackpot in the £1 machines is no more than £500. I never intended to waste anything near that but even one bet for me is too dangerous...

A terrible day, again not setting out to relapse like that. It is obvious I cannot just go out normally in the other town with the arcades.

Anyway, I ended up spending the max on my two debit cards. After going back to the cash points twice. To top it all off I lost my bus ticket and panicked as I realised that I had no money to buy another one to get home with as I had reached my limit..

This led me to go back to the arcade and look for it. I decided there and then I was going to ask to borrow the cash for the bus ticket when I could not find it. The helpful girl in the arcade then asked me if was a certain type of advertising on the back as it had been chucked in the bin!

Low and behold it was in the bin (relief). Then I realised the amount of stress this had given me and I decided there and then I never wanted to gamble like this again. I could have been left with no access to money to get another ticket home and would have had to blag the return trip.

I explained I never intended to spend so much money when I came in, and asked to exclude. The nightmare is over I am now self excluded from all the arcades in the area as well as the bookies I am already excluded from...

I do wish I had done this sooner when I was beginning to recover financially before. Instead I am a few thousand more in debt that I was 2 months ago. This is because I left the door open to some form of gambling. Although returning to the bookies in this other town should never have been allowed as I was already self excluded but no staff recognised me.

This has been another expensive relapse,, but now I am protected for the future with a chance to recover again.

Awayout

Hi Awayout...You bring back many a bad memory for me. A number of times I have left myself with no access to any money at all and no bus ticket and have literally walked for miles to get home, sometimes in the middle of the night and in the rain. At these times I became a pathetic wreck of a human being so racked with self-hatred and for a few hours at least just wanting to die.

So easy to forget these dark times.. so if its any crumb of comfort.. you have helped bolster my own resolve and I hope it bolsters your resolve to.. becuase it can get even worse.

As for self-exclusion its a good thing but as we both know it doesn't stop us gambling if we really want to gamble. I have also gambled in a place ive been excluded from and not been challenged though ive also had the opposite and what you might expect ie being surrounded by all the staff and escorted out.

Ive always thought that in your situation some sort of bancrutpcy type scenario might just take the pressure off and help in your resolve to keep off the gambling ie in not having kids or assets. It will also bring to an end all the access to mainstream credit for a number of years and force you to live within your means... thats no bad thing is it??

Bring this chapter in your life to an end. Like you say time to recover. Work at it as I do the same. Keep safe... S.A

Thanks SA. Hope you are having time to watch the Olympics.

A momentous time to bring this nightmare to an end. I am now fully banned from all the places I have liked going. This time it is for real..

Cannot access gambling on computer/internet or bookmakers. Although as happened to you (SA) I was not recognised as I should have been...

Trying not to think about what I could have done with the few thousand wasted in the last 8 weeks. Probably a very nice seat at the Olympics, hotel the lot...

My concentration has been pathetic recently. Need to concentrate my efforts on finding a better job. Cannot be much worse ones out there as I am on low pay, have a b***ch of a manager and am seeing younger people coming in and being given opportuties whilst the new area manager has overlooked my potential..

Feel a bit numbed by recent events and the waste of money. I suppose I will have to think that is the best £**** ever spent if I never gamble like that again..

I know that bankruptcy might be an option, did you do that SA? It is just I would rather dig myself out of my own mess as I made it although I have no quams regarding the thieving banks losing their money...

Awayout

Hi,

Just wanted to thank you for keeping your diary , I read most of it last night and what a journey you have been on.

Your honesty is second to none .

Keep fighting the good fight my friend .

Shiny xxxxxxxx