Need to start all over!

Hi Awayout... I agree with Shiny.. your honesty is commendable... you just say it as it is.. best way.

To answer your question, yes i declared myself bankrupt some years ago. It wasn't easy making the decision... and bankruptcy isn't an easy option. It does have long term consequnces. But for me it was the right decsion given my cicumstances and my state of mind. Although I have gambled since then.. my laspes have been few and far between.

One of the things that helped me to make the decsion was when somebody said the follow... What would you rather??... deal with your debts now or wait for your parents to die to pay off your gambling debts (ie if i got some inheritance).????

Another thing that helped me make the decision was a sober assessment of my reality ie without significant re-training I was unlikely to find a job that would pay significantly more than "not very much"... and I would more than likely carry my debts for decades to come.

Bankruptcy is not the right decsion for all Cg's in debt but it is for some of us and I reckon it is for you to (just my opinion). It doesn't address the underlying reasons for gambling but it does give you a fresh start and a fighting chance to turn things around. It might not stop you gambling altogether but it will stop you getting loans or overdrafts or gambling on credit cards. Like I says before.. you will have to live within your means.

Anyway... it cannot do any harm to talk it through with C.A.B, national debt line etc.. get the facts.. see where the law currently stands with gambling debt.

Again this is all just my opinion. Just ignore if you disagree. All the best mate ..S.A

Yo

Was thinking bout you today , hope you have made through today .

Keep posting mate , plenty of non judgemental people here who will walk this recovery journey with you

Shiny xxxxx

Hi diary.

So nice that my diary is being read long as it is. It was so nice that you told me you read it Shiny. It is long and about my second diary under this username and I had an older one under a different username so this is a long struggle..

I do sometimes feel a little embarrassed having kept such a long diary with the amount of relapses. But, longterm it may make me see where I am going wrong.

The thing is about Bankruptcy is that I think they would see me as being able to afford the debt as still home with parent (albeit on a low part time wage under 10k!). I think maybe it is worth looking into.

I have also thought about the parent thing both of mine are fast approaching 70, and when you see the amount of people leaving this world well under 65 it really makes you think..

I still feel like a child in my late 30's. If I am on my lonesome again it will be a big shock. My room is a mess at home, years of clutter (not quite secret hoarder). I have a low paid job debt and no savings if the worse came to the worse..

I sincerely pray both my parent reach a ripe age but none of us know what is around the corner. Another factor is I live with one parent and their partner so this makes things that more complicated should one depart. Particularly as the partner sees me as a bit of a waster... and they could end up with control of everything anyway.

Having that other person not approve of my actions gambling etc in the past makes going bankrupt that much more difficult and will only add to them seeing me as a waster...

I am not being morbid, but practical. When you get to your late 30s you realise the clock is ticking more and you need to change your life around when you are in a rut as I am..

Things were starting to get better financially then the last few month's relapses have put me back well and truly to the tune of 4.5k. Not a fortune to some but someone on my low wage yes..

In a way maybe I have been hoping that everything comes down to a crunch with the banks demanding their loans and overdrafts back.. so I can start afresh. It seems all I have done is let the credit status to improve a bit and take out more credit once I was able.

It was a 10 year consolidation loan of total 20k (including interest) that I took in 2007 that was the really big mistake - although the bank encouraged it when I went over my overdraft back then and missed on payment on a small loan... Now I owe roughly 15k whereas it was 10.5k a couple months ago..

I really regret having gambled again,, and wasting all this money after my hard work...

To pay off my debt will take 65 months or about 5 and a half years.

This I know is a long time and none of know what is around the corner etc. Maybe I will look into the citizens advice / cccs.

I am never going to be able to afford property of my own on my sort of wage in anycase, so I am going to have to weigh things up..

I still think though despite my ups and downs if struggling more financially and seeing the 'errors of my ways' the hard way helps stop my addicition then it is worth it. Despite being a little worse off financially it may make me stronger

Awayout

Hello away out.

I think I've asked you this before but for someone on part time poor wages where are you getting these hundreds to gamble?

Going bankrupt certainly won't make you a waster but continuing to gamble will. Prove them wrong friend,bankruptcy is an option but so is a debt management plan to which citizen advice can advise of the non profitable organisations.im with payplan and hardly hear from my creditors these days and believe me its a helluva lot more debt than yours.

Get you finger oot friend and do something before it gets worse.

A comp gambler always looks to blame others but only YOU can do it.start believing in YOURSELF and prove them wrong.

Keep fighting the fight,never give up giving up !!

Nothing changes if nothing changes !!!

Firstly. I should not have gambled I had already slowly increased to an overdraft of 3k had just paid it off in May then started gambling again all gone by this month and also took out another loan to the tune of 1.5k. Almost all gone, that is where the money has come from borrowing/overdraft...

I paid off that overdraft and I can do it again slowly..

Patience for me is the key to quitting gambling and recovery. Gambling seems to feed on rash and foolish decisions with the inevitable bad outcome.. Whereas patience and time rewards..

I can do this. But if the banks were to call in my overdraft I would be forced to go down the DMP/bankruptcy root...

I am the one to blame, although I did not invent the FOBTs and roulette. So I am the one to sort this out. I am trying to see the 'compulsive gambling me' as someone who is in prison at the moment and I do not want to ever let out again.

I pray the 'alter ego' me is now well and truly locked up. One bet on the horses, one pound in the FOBTs/arcade is one bet too far.

I know I can do this.

Awayout

Hold that thought awayout.

You can do this ! Stay away from the first bet, it leads you back to disaster everytime.

No one said this was going to be easy but its definatly worth it.

Small chunks, little steps will make it seem much more manageable. One day at a time, put a plan together for your debt and start to move forward.

Blondie 🙂

The bank is the one at fault giving you a 3k overdraft on 10k per annum wages.

I would be challenging the bank about this.

Take positives away out in the fact that you were 23k in debt when you started your diary almost 4 years ago and are now 15k in debt.

Would like to know where you wasted £100s somewhere else other than gambling ? That could've saved you even more debt.

We as comp gamblers have to learn how to control our monies again.im still finding it difficult.

dont disappear from your diary,post hourly if need be and especially dailly.

Keep fighting the fight its what your diary is for.

Hi all! I know it is my diary but I seem to do better when I write like diary is on show to others, so that is what I shall do.

Doing fairly well. Self excluding from the final 'haunt' was a godsend and I even managed to go shopping there on a day off and buy some shoes without gambling!

You are right the banks have been quite irresponsible allowing me to increase my OD and take out a consilidation loan which effectively doubled the long term debt I was in. Looking back I should have taken a different course of action back then like DMP.. but there threatened me with red letters and I took the bait (foolishly)

To top it off the 3k overdraft was at a bank where my low monthly wage is paid in so they should have seen quite clearly I could not afford it.. Guess they are after long term profit and certainly they have made nearly as much from the overdraft in charges over the years...

That is why I was so stupid as to not cancel the OD when I had slowly managef to get it riight down at the end of May... it went on gambling again..

I am fed up of the vicious cycle , 15k is a lot but if I no longer gamble I will get there. I saved up the 3k I will do it again...

I do now see the light at the end of the tunnel - I just think I have compounded my problems..

Maybe with the ability and temptation to gamble in a big way was always going to lead to going back and losing more. Now I have taken the final steps in self excluding from the one or two places I thought I could trust myself to gamble in in another town close by.

My jouney has been a long learning curve, I am still learning about myself and emotions I have been hiding for years...

I am looking forward to that day when my debts are clear and I can continue to build a new life that I can honestly say I have only started to build from 5 August 2012 when I stopped gambling...

Stay safe everyone. It is Saturday and for a change I have no energy to give to gambling, or inclination to gamble...

Awayout

Hi Awayout... good stuff on the final self-exclusions and like you say, your debts start to go down when you don't gamble. Onwards.. S.A 🙂

Doing well staying off the gambling.

Only wish I had self excluded from the arcades sooner. I always thought it was just the bookies FOBTs that were the problem. It was the arcades that lead to a downward spiral and entering a bookies I was banned from and eventually relapsing in a bad way over several weeks at both places...

I know I cannot control my gambling yet I went back to the arcades. Although roulette machines was the main problem before. The arcades eventually triggered me going back to the heavy gambling on FOBTs a few times, and before I knew it I was pumping 500 a week into the Fruit machines too.. very sad after I was doing so much better.

I know it probably sounds like 'whining' but that is over now. I know the money is gone. There is light at the end of the tunnel I just need to stay off the gambling..

Awayout

I am going to have a countdown staying off gambling. I am just focusing on the rest of August gamble free. Then I am counting down 65 months. In bite size chunks till I get to being gamble free and debt free, which is a nice aim.

Work is a pain with a nasty little twerp of a supervisor

But still hey ho I am gamble free

Awayout!

Morning ,

What a joy it is to hear you sound so positive .

You can do this , and that post shows your self belief .

Rightly or wrongly I think being positive is almost as effective as self cancelling .

For you my friend , it looks like the only way now is up .

Shiny xxxxx

Weather is changing for the worse and quite stressful because busier at work with more kids off.

I am looking forward to September gamble free as my first whole month. I try not to dwell on it but the reality of the stupid amount of money I lost in the last few months has really hit home. Whereas at the time it seemed like money I could 'risk'. When all it was doing was feeding the gambling...

Could have 'decked' someone yesterday who reminded me of my gambling past who I hardly even recognised and came in the public facing venue where I worked and said: ' I haven't seen you in the bookies for ages' as if I was a friend which I am not, hardly recognised them.

I of course did not mention that gambling has ruined me and I no longer want to even think about gambling. But I did say ' I don't go in the bookies anymore' full stop..

They then went quiet. I was not going to give them any more information about the recent relapse and 1000s lost I could not afford and in loads of debt. Obviously the only interest in me was my gambling activity.

Sometimes you have to deal with the reminders of your gambling past.. it builds your defences up though.

It was quite embarrassing revealing that I was a gambler to people at all where I worked.. I am ashamed of it and that past side of me.. the wastefulness of emotions, time and resources... that it what I am ashamed of. As well as the detrimental effect of some close members of my family...

I now realise though I am self excluded from the bookies and only went in a handful of times and played on the FOBTs, even once was too much just like the recovering alcoholic who cannot touch one drink.

I must always remember one gamble is one too many. As we all know it will set me on the road to hell. Which it did. I was doing so well not touching FOBTs since end of last December 2011. Then for some idiotic reason I ventured in to my peril in June/July and thought I was safe in arcades as I never was a slots gambler.. WRONG I cannot touch any form of gambling as it will just lead to binge gambling.

I know I was a binge gambler. Who might think they can go back to small bets then before he knows it he is back to chasing smaller losses into huge losses bigger and bigger bets in 3/4 fateful sessions.

I know I sound serious but that is the reality. My one bet had cost me about 5k further in debt, when the debts were beginning to come down slowly but surely...

Life is serious when you behaving like a lunatic. Throwing your hard earned cash away. It is bad enough effectively working for the banks as most of your cash is going to loan/overdraft/CC payments but to add to the misery by more gambling is ridiculous.

All the blocks are in place. There are ways to gamble even with all this in place. I need to be stronger willed...

I don't want to be left destitute and seen by my family as a waster and a failure.. Time is starting to run out. I am nearly 40 and I have seen quite a few people my age and younger die too young.

I have got to change. I used gambling as a way of blocking the reality out, using it as an excuse to try and dig myself out of problems but it just has added to them big time.

Life can be fun, but gambling just sucks the joy out of it for me and countless others...

Even with little or no money, I can enjoy life without a gamble.

Awayout

Yo,

What a great post , such honesty and written from the depths of your heart .

Even today people , ask me in the street how's my luck . Want them to bog off . I would never ask them , what the f*****k has it got to do with you . But like you say , I do not do that anymore .....

Even a year down the line , I still get asked the same questions although though rarely now .

You are doing well , you can get through Sept and beyond , your blocks are in place and your post showed that you have the determination cause the fact that you have had enough shines through .

Keep on keeping on my friend .....

Shiny x

Thanks Shiny.

Your post really inspired me.

I am having to be soo careful with money at the moment as I have a debts to service. I was just feeling a bit down about the stupidity of the recent relapses and getting myself into debt when things were getting better.

I also have overspent on things that I don't even need which is so easy to do when you try and console yourself.

It keeps crossing my mind about what I could have done with that few thousand pounds. I know it is gone and thinking about it too much is just tying me in knots rather than moving on.

I am determined to go for the finishing line this time, and never turn back to gambling.

Awayout