Need to start all over!

Just to say I have made it 7 days now without a bet and feels great.

Went out and there was temptation but depsite thinking about a bet countered it with the positve thoughts:

'No I don't want to risk my money and happiness I cannot afford it, I am happier not gambling and being a non-gambler'

' I am going to just spend a couple quid to treat myself to a snack rather than waste it on gambling'.

'If I gamble I would be breaking the trust given to me by my familt after promising I would not gamble money'

'Think of the disappointment and upset that would be cause if I gamble'

'Even if I won it would not be enough - better just budgeting and not isking losing more...'

Good to know my brain is finally battling this disease I think today was a hurdle because I felt the non-gambler side stay strong over the normally stronger gambler side. I now realise the 'non-gamble' me is amd always has been the rational me and it has taken me time to realise my strength as a non-gambler.

I think when I pay off my first loan that came about from gambling I am going to have a little celebration. Without using gambling to attempt to try and pay it off which has been my downfall in the last relapses I had.

Will be several months away as on low wage but will be something to work towards....

A day at a time....best approach I am finding....'going with the flow is working'...not 'going with the addiction' as I have done 1000s of times.....

AWAYOUT

Hi...

Just wanted to say... well done on your gambling free time.. a good acheivment..

A day at a time is all we can do. Regards.. S.A 🙂

I just reporting in to say feeling fine staying off all gambling activity. I am trying not to relect too much time on the time, money and pain caused by gambling the last 10 years.

Like my mum said 'you have to look forward'.

I am looking at this as a bridge to my recovery with one day at a time. There are old faces I see that remind me of the gambling on a daily basis. I just need to remember I need to be a 'non-gambler' now.

I now recognise myself as a compulsive binge gambler. I cannot gamble normally so must kepe reminding myself of that.

It's amazing when you see true story after story about people who start innocently enough (including myself) with the penny fruit machines . Then the horses and dogs and before they know it roulette machines and online/casinos.

I have already taken that dreadful journey and I want to turn my back on it all. It is both worrying and reasssuring that I am not alone in this. But before I turned to help I felt so alone with this illness.

This is such a social problem. But I must remember this is also my problem and I need to turn my back on the 'old life' and giving my money away to the bookies/casinos which has been the ruin of me.

It is going to take a lot of work and recovery time but I think I may have started my journey at last by looking in on myself. This is a painful thing to do but I am sure it can be done within myself.

One day at a time my last day gambling was February 3 2009.

It is giving me strength the advice offered here and reading people's diaries who are even further on into their recovery.

AWAYOUT

Just to say today makes 12 days free from gambling.

This is a test but it is a bit easier as I do not have the money to burn. I have the bill money in a safe place and have learnt my lesson touching that in the past.

No more of that. My bill account is for bills only.

I can honestly say I am 12 days without betting on roulette. I even went off the idea of buying a lotto ticket as it was a rollover which is very unusual for me.

I think that one bet can start the ball rolling in the wrong direction which I cannot afford to do.

One problem I have is filling the time. To be honest although I like listening to music etc the main part of my life still seems ocused on paying off the debt and ways of warning extra money.

I have made myself short and taken (in effect) money from my family. I am going to keep reminding myself the money is gone and where the money has been wasted.

I never knew money could be such a boring subject but it is! Especially when your finances are down in the doldrums..

Have been down a couple times this weekend especially being Valentines day being a single etc. But where I would have wasily gambled before this time I saw what the 'down feelings' could lead to (more gambling-financial loss- depression)

I am finding that get up and go quite hard to do at the moment. Partly as I am not happy in my job and what I have done to myself. But all I can do is look forward...

I have noticed that on some days since cutting out gambing I have more good days than bad. I am trying not to be too inward and down on myself and notice my confidence/self esteem has been generally higher. There were times when I had a false sense of confidence when winning but it was short lived and false!

Quite annoying the fliers I am getting via email from gambling companies. I try to 'unsubscribe' to emails but find they are still sending them. This includes well known highstreet names that I have self excluded to online. Are they just rubbing salt in the wound???

Go with the flow!

Awayout

Hi..

Keep fighting the good fight! Am sure you will.

I see so much of me in what you say.. the work stress, the relatively low wage, the single status and the "down feelings" and also the big debts.. that is until I decided to take the bankruptcy route.. though I know as you have said before you don't want to take that route.. fair play I can understand your reasoning.

The lottery is a tough one I know...I just say to myself its like living on a dream that aint gonna happen.. spend the pound on a snack instead.. thats what i say. All the best to you and your on-going recovery.. S.A 🙂

Hello,

Well done I'm glad your still as determined as 12 days ago. Keep fighting your doing really well. I had a slip myself a few days ago and thats enough for me. Going to start saving for holidays and work to my house. See how it goes anyway.

Thankfully im paid on the 25th February..... It seems ages away.

Keep up the good work,

Pauly

Pauly jsut to say thanks for your support and also I know what you mean about waiting for that payday!

I have to really budget hard now just to get by and all because of chasing my losses/wins and compulsive gambling.

I am being extra vigilant today. As today I have reached day 14 roulette free. Roulette has been my nemesis for the last ten years and I intend to fightthe urges.

I do get the odd gambling thought especially when I am feeling bored or downa bout my debt. For example a 'lottery plan' crossed my mind working out how much I could spend on the lottery and that it would be miles less than roulette.

Also the roulette machines occasionally come into my head especially early in the morning after getting up or after a stressful working day!

I do notice the stressy days actually are much fewer since slowing up the gambling again. Which I think proves to me when I gamble it just fuels the addiction and does not give any real pleasure.

I have to keep reminding myself it is the act of gamblng that is stupid (and not me) as a form of 'investment' it is probably the riskiest.

The lack of self-esteem thing is still an issue which I never saw creeping up on me as the gambling took over.

I have to keep looking at my finances and 2006 diary to remind me of the sorts of amounts I was betting and even in January this year. Clearly I can remind myself gambling is a problem for me:

1) Simply put I cannot afford to gamble (need cash for loans/overdrafts)

2) I am a non-gambler at the moment if I were to start again it woud continue my involvement as a compulsive uncontrollable person/gambler

3) I will always be a compulisve gambler so must look out for the signs that trigger me to gamble

I pray everyone is having a good day GAMBLEFREE

AWAYOUT

somehow managed to send the same post twice. Second one now deleted!

hi mate

glad to see you are keeping on the right path,its all very well saying you wont gamble if you are low on funds.fact is if we really wanted to gamble we would and would always find £10 £20 to do so.keep up the great work.

Hello,

No bother at all Awayout I can relate to your points entirely. You really are showing grit determination to go off roulette as long. You deserve credit for that.

I had a bad experience last week. Id a few pounds on a favourite horse. It was a photo finish and i waited, and waited for the result. I looked up at the screen and my horse came up 1st. I was relieved. i went up to collect and the clerk said sorry the result wasnt in, but id saw it come up first. When the result came in my horse was placed 2nd. The clerk even said to me he saw it come up first. I was devasted. But it made me see the gangsters at work.

It will take a while to get over but it might just be a valuable lesson which may help me in the long run.

I get paid next wednesday but as we know thats a long way away. i managed to get a part-time job on top of my own one so shoulld help me out aswell.

I tryed to top my loan up on Saturday morning but i was refused. Another wake up call and eventually im forced to face the reality of my spending sprees. I do enjoy the feeling of spending but the ramifications last longer into the future.

Stay strong awayout and i must say your diary gives me strength and determination to go down the right path. I only have this one life and its not worth wasting.

Im sure retail is tough work as im a civil servant its not too pressured but as with all jobs the screw is tightening all the time.

Anyway keep up the good work and stay determined. Put the money you save away and buy something for yourself. We all need to stop funding the bookmakers lavish lifestyle.....

regards,

Pauly

Just to stay feeling good today reading similar people getting over their addictions.

I have now made 15 days without roulette. but I admit to one bet on a dog where I lost £2 and walked straight out and today 2 lottery tickets.

I know I shoud be staying off everything but the roulette and the casinos online are doing the main damage.

I realise even that £4 lost in the last couple weeks would have been better in my pocket especially as my mum is still in effect supporting me by letting me keep some of my cash for debts rather than given her the 'full amount' I should. Do feel guilty about that and so I should.

Trying to focus on decent ways to make money even if they only provide fruits slowly rather than rash gambling where we have all got into deep trouble.

AWAYOUT

4 is better than 400 although as you said better none than 4. But if these little wagers make you not "gamble" then that has to be good. It´s just as long as you can see the difference and not make the 4 into 400 chasing. Keep it up.

Just to say feeling a bit vulnerable today. I have had a tiring week with stress at work and cold/throat infection.

I don't know if some of this is the 'withdrawal symptoms'. I have to remember that if I were to gamble/Relapse big time I would just feel 100 times worse so I am going to stay off!!!

Don't even fancy a wager on the Euromillions/Lotto at the moment gambling and the thought of what I have let it take from my financial and personal life just makes me feel sick (honestly)

Also feel irritated as decorating going on in the house around my private space at unholy hours for me!

But I am determined I will not turn to the gambling.

AWAYOUT!

Hey mate

Keep up the great work

15 days is brilliant and your heading in the right direction.

All the best

SB

Having a nice gamble free day.

I am finding I am not turning to gambling to 'release stress' as many times as before.

I also have a good plan in place where I am going to cypher as much as I can to slowly speed up paying off my massive gambling debts.

I have 2 large overdrafts and one smaller loan and one huge consolidation loan.

I cannot afford to tackle everything at once just keeping the big ones at bay is tough. But I have reached a compromise to my mum who I pay some bills that I will give her slightly less now so I can pay off the smaller loan quicker and have more 'free cash'.

It took some time to convince her that I was serious about this and not just 'stealing' money from her for gambling. I am not suprised as I have let her down so many times before.

I realise in the short term my mother is getting less keep. But once the loan is clear then the overdrafts things will be a hell of a lot easier although there is 8 years 10 months left on the large consolidation loan.

How did I get myself in this mess???

Of course I know the answer. I am just going to have to slowly dig myself out of this hole. I really pray I will live long enough to see these dark times through.

Not thinking of gambling but 'money making schemes' constantly going through my head as I am poor. But gambling is not one of them!

AWAYOUT