Need to start all over!

hi mate

a good positive post,always nice to see.life may be tough finiacally,but a life of gambling really isnt worth living,because it is no life.im just over 3 weeks gamble free and havent felt this good for a long time,even a new woman thrown in for good measure.i aint messsing up this time,

all the best mate and stay gamble free and see how much better life becomes.

Thanks for post Neil your doing well without the gambling in your life.

Had a few pounds bet on Sunday, but had protection in place with very little cash on me.

I'm feeling better than I was when I was not looking out for myself and have cut gambling right back but I am feeling aimless.

I like wheeling and dealing to make a bit of spare cash. Stupidly instead of gambling I have had the compulsion to buy stuff to try and sell on in an effort to make some much needed dosh.

Good intentions but items have not been selling particularly well so I have overspent leaving myself in the same 'penniless state'

I think I need to shift my emphasis on money completely I must not swap one compulsion for another which seems very easy to do once you try to stop the gambling.

I am perhaps concerned I am swapping the habit of buying speculatively in the same way as I gambled. I must focus on my debts and not on 'mad hare' schemes.

I don't think in my current state of mind I have any real 'business sense' just the compulsion to want to go out and buy things I cannot really afford instead.

Again the guilt is resurfing as I said I would not start buying too much stuff and I have instead of addressing the things that matter. the debts to family and the banks.

I need to refocus again and stay off gambling but I cant help but think I am going to waste spare cash in some form or another.

I really don't know how I have developed this weak attitude towards money,,,,

AWAYOUT

I don't think its a weak attitude towards money that you suffer from. I think that at this moment in time and over recent months.. its debt and life stress.. that leads to alot of the behaviours and actions you talk about. I can relate.. ive been there.. the low wage.. the big debts.. feelings of stuckness for want of a better word.

For me if you can find ways.. not to foucs on the debts.. and to find healthy ways ( I emphasize healthy lol) to chill out and relax away from it all.. then the better things maybe.

anyway just wanted to say hello really.. hello! 🙂

Hello Awayout,

Your turning into a cross between John McCrerick and Dickie Davison. Joking aside its tough when you struggle with money. Stay strong and take every new day at a time. I just got paid on the 24th February. Most of it is gone already although on important bills. Going to liverpool on a stag so its quite an expensive month. Dont get me wrong im looking forward to a good weekend with a few pints etc. I just ordered oil for the house. Living off the electric heater for a few months. So getting oil now ive money. Stay off the roulette and take it easy.

Kind regards,

Pauly

_____________________________________

Just to say another gf day.

No money but enjoyed the day but as usual thinking about bills etc

Did the right thing though was paid today and have paid all bills at the start of the month.

Feels pretty good. I know I still use the cash to gamble but it is in another account. I know that I was not strong enough to keep back any of my wage for bills before it just completely took over.

AWAYOUT

Should be happy went to church and a lovely sunny day.

But to be honest I am unhappy in my job constantly trying to makes ends meet partly due to working a poorly paid job but mainly because of the gambling.

I know for sure had I had a well paid job when the addiction was in control I would have spent everything anyway.

2009 feels like the years for me. I am Ok when I am doing something but as soon as I stop to think about it I get a depressed to be honest.

Other times I feel really up that I am staying off the gambling.

But there is more to life than money money money. But I am constantly thinking about it and always go back to worrying about not having enough all the time!

The weird thing is I go to church and am quite spiritual but feel so materialistic. Perhaps that is why the church is helping with coping with having this addiction.

In fact I am usnig this Lent period to give up the gambling. Lent is 40 days now that will be a miracle. 3 days into lent so far. Perhaps anyone else might try the same.

I tried this spreadsheet thing to work out my debt and it turns out my debt is only going down a couple hundred a month with all the interest on overdrafts etc I have to pay out monthly,

I feel quite proud that I am doing this the hard way by not going bankrupt or IVA but it really is a hard slog.

Anyway hope everyone is doing well today.

AWAYOUT

Hi Awayout,

One option is to take your debts to a debt management company.. CCCS or Payplan are FREE.. they can negotiate reduced payments and freezing of interest. What happens in pratice is that you open a basic bank account with a bank that you do not have debt with and then make one payment to the debt management company.. who then distrubute.

Your debt goes down quicker.

Apologies if your already fully aware of this option.

I also relate to your thoughts about keeping busy... but then when not busy.. lifes stresses just come right on back with avengence... Ive also been having a bit of a hard time of it in that department leading to.. anger and depression and a whole host of other negative emotions.. but i have to cope with it and cope with it I will.

I think the particular cruelty of this addiction is that gambling can seem like the solution to the problem as well as the cause. An alcoholic or drug addict would never think that another drink or injecting something will solve lifes problems... not so the gambling addict.

Keep focussed Awayout.. if the church and spirituality helps.. then keep using it. Whatever works! 🙂

Thanks for your very informed post.

I am considering the 'other options'

Also cheered me up hearing from someone.

AWAYOUT

Just off to work thought Id better post.

Had a good confidence building yesterday. Was put to the test as I needed cash card for something glad to say I did not give in to temptation.

Probably helped Id forgot the pin.

Just wd enough for essentials. Also walked past bookies. Still have that tenner in my pocket for essentials so a much better month staying off ggs.

This Lent thing is helping - giving up all gambling including lottery for 40days/nights. I am giving some money I would normally spend to charity instead.

Looking ahead which is good.

Awful weather yesterday would have tipped me in normal circumstances but I am feeling stronger.

AWAYOUT

Hi.. hows things?

The weather is very grotty here today... but it doesn't dampen my spirits

All the best.. S.A

Well I have to own up. To cut things short I sent a long post yesterday which disappeared and I could not bare to write it again (long one)

Basically took a cheque out cashed £100 following a 'tip letter' which I normally ignore (but this was freephone) and put £20 on. It lost I then had a go on a horse £2 I thought thats not going to do any harm. the worst thing happened it came in second in a photo finish.

I should have done the right thing and ran a mile. I was only meant to be going in to check the horse. I then found myself on the roulette getting up to £155 from £78 but then just could not take the winnings as usual.

I think we all know the first mistake I made was allowing myself access to the cheque to cash.

Things are quite stressy at work losing hours/staff numbers which should not be an excuse but does not help!

Anyway this was Saturday and I had done other things. The worse thing was losing my mums trust again. She gave me £4 towards a haircut that was the last £4 I took out my pocket.

Felt so stupid/guilty yet again £104 lost in all from the bank keeping my bill money.

The only thing I have kept off in Lent apart from that one day now is lottery.

I feel a bit of a fraud.

But until the debt is gone I do not feel I can move on with my life and that will be 9 years in total...

I dont want pity I know I have done wrong and could have used that cash towards my debts instead of giving it to the bookies. I think I am going to give up my cheque books as well as so tempting in occasions.

I don't know why I never seem to want nice things to happen for myself. When things are up I just want to throw it all away why????

Anyway Starting hoping things are going better for you...

AWAYOUT

hi awayout

just saying a quick hi.sorry to see u caved in to these d**n machines,ive been where you are now hundreds of times.it not great i know,but dont beat yourself up.its happened now.its gone!dust yourself down,chin up and keep strong.easier said than done i know,but you have to keep working on it mate,and hopefully like me you will have one day where you will finally realise it really is time to give up this nonsence once and for all.

wishing you all the best

neil

Hi HappyNeil nice that you have changed your name to a cheery one!!!

I have continued down the wrong road on my own in the house feeling lonely. Suddenly found myself looking for casinos accepting paypal.

Found an old one deposited £5 from a different type of account simialr to Paypal. But forgot the password found now the casino clsoed my account and has kept the fiver before even playing - evil ********

The other one I joined I unfortunately managed to wager the rest of my overdraft about £150. They now have told me this was linked to a group where I should have been excluded and after P****** that much needed money now block my account after taking the money! I am sure they scam known excluded people. How can it be right they take the money from the people they have self excluded if they try and join again!!!

So a bad week financially what with £104 on Saturday and another £145 to day that is £244 I feel absolutely sick.

This time I am not going to tell my mother as she went out for a nice day. I am not going to ruin it and take full responsibility.

Well back to the drawing board. I can't really explain what made me go back except it felt like an old habit coming back!

I should have recognised the signs...feeling better about things (bit of cash in the bank) then losing on Saturday.

Always remember anyone thinking of that one 'innocent bet'. One bet will just led ro another.

Unfortunately was unable to stop myself today. This is when gamblock etc would have been extremely useful. But unfortunately where there is a will there is a way with this evil disease.

Cant even say I really enjoyed the roulette I played just worried about the cash L-L-W-W-W-L-L-L- USUAL pattern....

I will come clean and say that going on the FOBTs yesterday and even entering the bookies is what has led to these awful events today.

Gambling has ruined my weekend after staying off a few weeks.

I have really had enough

I was going to hide this weekend relapse but I know people to not prejudge me here and no what I am going through.

This disease is killing me a bit low at the moment but I take full responsibility for my actions. I chose to gamble this weekend and risked carrying money which is always a problem , This in turn led to me craving more gambling action today.....

AWAYOUT

I think pressures last week at work and this one ahead probably triggered my recent relapse over the weekend!

All I can do is try again....

Only thing is I am in that lethargic mode which makes things harder to get over guess it's the rollercoaster down/low mode the addict gets....

I feel like I have no energy after the weekend relapse especially after yesterday.

Anyway I know the 'poor me' scenario does me no good so I am just going to pick myself up and start again!

Thats the nature of this illness. One day is all it takes to ruin weeks of good work. So I hope this wards people off being tempted if they are.

Off to work I go to a part time job I hate working for the bookies (in effect). Bit depressed but I think if I can get over this week I should be OK again. Still have the main bill money for 17th March. Will then scrape for the rest towards the end.

There was no need to be in this situation. i think I am going to have o put in more blocks!

AWAYOUT

Hi.. the more road blocks to gambling the easier it can become to not gamble. When i started having thoughts of gambling online I installed a blocker. My thoughts to gamble online have now diminished. Try to keep yourself safe as i try to keep myself safe... and keep writing... good or bad.. sooner or later you will find what works for you.. kind regards... S.A 🙂