Never too late to make a fresh start

Hi Ryan, thanks for the encouragment! Not a dry January but certainly much drier than any other month!

Great lie in this morning and feeling really fresh to go and enjoy the FA Cup, off to watch Rochdale v Nottingham Forrest in the pouring rain!

Day 35, almost 10% of the way to a year!

No urges at all really, was dreaming about winning last night though. I'm also obsessed by the next Newcastle manager odds, not because I want a bet, because it gives some insight to who's in the running!

Monday I will be starting exercising again and also start doing more home cooking, we've been lazy for far too long which leads to eating junk!

So are you a Rochdale fan then or just along for some FA Cup magic? I'm a Tranmere fan and if you are a Rochdale fan you will be delighted that we were stupid enough to pay you for George Donnely, he can't even get on our bench at the moment, hes useless! Quite often when watching sport I wonder what the odds would be, not because of wanting a bet, maybe more out of habit or to see if they relect my opinion on the outcome. I found last year that once I started checking out odds it quickly became more difficult to refrain from gambling. I now totally avoid looking at odds, apart from when its enforced on you by commentators talking about them etc.....

Enjoy the game today, keep up the fight and if youve not spoken to your mum yet maybe nows the time. You will feel so much better once everythings out in the open.

Great day yesterday watching the Dale followed by a curry! Not been to see Rochdale in years as usually play on a Saturday, thinking of getting a season ticket next season.

Day 36 today and been to visit my dad for lunch. He knows nothing really of my recent gambling problems. He's always complaining about his own money problems so find it hard to ask him for any financial help and he's very old fashioned and would probably just tell me to man up about my gambling problem. Might have to go to him eventually as a last resort but not sure he would do anything to help anyway.

Big shop done today for healthy eating tomorrow, I've also penned in a 2 mile run tomorrow morning, whether or not i'll get out of bed is another thing!

No thoughts of gambling, really feel in a different place to what I have before. Keeping all the blockers firmly in place though, no point in adding any temptation. Was reading a post of here somewhere that someone quit gambling, went to vegas and didn't gamble, that was amazing to me, would love if I could do such a thing. I love Las Vegas but wonder if it would be the same without gambling, that being said last time I went a few of my mates didn't gamble and still loved it!

Day 37 and post 100..

Back to work properly with most people also in, everyone in the same detox frame of mind and starting 2015 off with enthusiasm 🙂

My mind feels a lot clearer than ever before. Putting much more effort into work rather than gambling and worrying!

Still struggling with sleeping but hopefully getting back on the exercise will help with that.

Absolutely no urge to gamble, only have access to a small amount of cash which helps. Had the odd fleeting thought about what games I'd bet on with the football etc but quickly changed my thought process.

Have urges to earn more money to pay off my debts though, need to be careful and accept that there is no magic wand that is going to get me easy money.

Day 38 and a long one!

Hard going back to work! Enjoying it though, finding I'm thinking a lot clearer and contributing more which in turns gives some pride instead of the usual self loathing.

Still want another job and seen one today that could be very interesting, not sure of the salary but it's a job I've always wanted to do. Pity salary is so important to me know, I think when my debts are cleared I'm going to reevaluate what I want to do career wise.

No thoughts of gambling again. Plenty of thoughts of money and how I've not got any but happy to be skint for now rather than making the problem worse.

Back to the gym today which was knackering! Enjoyed it though and the healthy eating is going well. Weighed myself yesterday and an all time high of 94.50 kilos on the scale. I think a slim version of me would be around 80 kilos so about 2 stone to lose. Giving myself 6 months to get where I want to be but a few smaller milestones along the way.

Thanks NT - completely agree with the sentiment but because of the money I owe to family it would be doing them an injustice by not paying them back as quickly as possible. Although if I explained my case I'm sure they would wait a bit longer for the money! Going to fill in the application tonight and get it sent off, hopefully the money will be more and everyones a winner 🙂

Day 39 today.

Feeling pretty good! Getting deep into my mind management book 'The Chimp Paradox' and I can relate to most of the stuff in it.

One of the things I was reading today is that the brain has a computer section which stores morals and values, information, processes etc and a lot of people suffer from the 'TheFridge Door' complex. This come from a situation like when you are a child and you come home with a picture you've drawn at school on your first day and your parents say they are so proud of you and love you and put the picture on the fridge. From then on you think you have to do something to be loved and to give you self worth. As you are so young your brain can't tell you that your family is proud of you and loves you whatever. There's a bit more to it that that but thought that might make sense why we are so scared to tell our loved ones what we've done as we've tried all these years to impress our family with our acheivements. Certainly could be the case for me!

Only a 1/3 into the book but feel I'm getting something out of it.

Today will mainly consist of work then home to cook up a storm! Might play a bit of playstation to stop me thinking of all the chocolate lying around the house!

Hi tears, thanks for sharing that, I can relate to that.

And well done on 39 days

Suzanne xx

Welcome to the Big 40 🙂

Hope you managed to avoid those chocolates, I know how us CG's like to do things by halves - Not!

If it helps, you are impressing me! Keep strong - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT!

No chocolates! Still on the meat, veg and fruit exclusively! Zapping my energy but read that is normal in the first couple of weeks coming from a diet made of pizzas, coke and chocolate bars!

Onto Day 40

No thoughts of gambling, think I might have dreamt about it again but can't remember! Not that it matters, can't get in debt in my sleep!

All my thoughts are currently on saving money, and being in a good place for when I tell my mum the problem.

Could also do with upping my game at home, I've been really lazy over the years, leaving all the chore to my wife who is more than a saint. It's definitly mind over matter, for some reason I get all anxious about doing the smallest of tasks!

Looking forward to the weekend although no real plans, bit of exercise and some sleep!

Day 41

Yesterday was pretty ordinary. No gambling or thoughts of. Read a little bit about John Hartson and his problem gambling on the BBC website yesterday. It's great that it brings some publicity to the struggles people are facing, that even people earning £50k a week find themselves addicted.

If only the NHS would see it as a problem...that's something I'm really interested in. The future of the NHS...big general election coming up and it's top of the things I'm interested in.

Got a little bit of flu today but soldiering on, read that when people stop eating copious amounts of sugar etc you can get a bit ill in the first couple of weeks so hopefully breeze through it.

Still need to get the application in for this new job I've seen, procrastinating a little bit but my lap top isn't the best for word processing so will use my wifes work laptop this weekend.

Still asking myself daily, why is this time any different to the times before when I've tried to stop and failed? Guess it's because I've been fully honest for the first time and feel a massive weight off my shoulders. Also really feel clear that gambling will not ever help me financially which is part of the reason I always went back, have a little £5 bet and if it wins I can have a night out etc. I know I can't do that now, maybe it was the final straw, not sure..

Hi tears,

41 days is great going, well done,

Suzanne xx

Thanks for the post in my diary, make sure you stay a day ahead of me! Make sure you get the application done this weekend, its a much better use of your time than studying sports odds. That fiver bet leads to a very dark place, don't ever forget that.

Have a good weekend pal!

Day 42 - 6 weeks. Must be approaching a record!

Full of a cold but today involves sitting in front of the TV watching sport and keeping warm.

Starting to get into the swing of things with my new diet, really hard at first and think it's contributing to my cold but bought a load more ingredients to makes some nice dishes.

Roll on the 30th when I get paid! I'm planning to telling my mum beggining of February so will be a telling time..

Day 43

Still full of a bloody cold, spent most the day in bed!

No thoughts of gambling today. In fact I'm feeling really good/confident, but going to have to watch for complacency.

Just watching snooker with the fire on full blast! Had to bail on a family meal as wasn't up to it.

Looking forward to this flu clearing up then can get to the gym. Busy week at work from tomorrow, hopefully might hear back from the job I applied for next week too.

Thanks NT for the positive words.

Day 44.

Unfortunately had to phone in sick at work today, think the cold is on it's way out but zapped me of all energy and didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Weighed myself in today and lost 7.5lbs this week which is quite extreme! Don't think hardly eating this weekend has helped.

Some weird thoughts about gambling last night, looking back on old bets I had thinking 'if only i'd done this instead of that'. Had to give myself a talking to!

Nothing else to report, just trying to recover from this lurgy!