New beginnings!

Morning,

Thank you for your post.

Sorry you are feeling down , I go through the same thing every other week. Readers of my diary must think oh not that again , lol

I am no expert , I am just as broken as the rest of us. But maybe this is part of the process, maybe the reflection helps us to find the answers to what was really going on in our minds.

You should be proud , very very proud of how far you have come. There have been times when I have needed to go back to taking just for today, down to just for the next 10 minutes.

For me going through these stages, has kept me away from the first bet for months and months.

I have no doubt it will be the same for you, I really do hope it easies quickly.

If not keep posting, as many times today as you need to I will be checking every hour or so, and try to help if I can.

Take care honey

Dusty

Thanks Dusty,

Been reading a few diaries this morning then gave myself a good talking too to snap out of this,

don't think i will fully understand what made me gamble as bad as i did and i know i can't change the past. I have made changes since starting on here, left hubby, son moved out and looking for a new job, i now know these changes had to happen for me to move on and most days i'm really positive until that black cloud looms over then i get all confused again, not with the changes i've made but with this horrible complusion. Decided drinking wine to sleep does not help so that's not going to happen again.

Like you i would zone out, tell me son to go away if he was near me (his 20 and just talks for england lol ) when i was gambling and totally ignored everyone, phone calls, friends and family. Started spending time with friends again and they say i'm getting back to the good me which helps. I hope the cloud does'nt visit too often but with support of just writing down these feelings really help.

Take Care Lucy x

Where do i start today?

The last 2 days have been torture!

Well was out of sorts all week but by thursday i was going into meltdown.

The last time i felt like this was my last big loss and i had NOT been gambling!

Lost my ex father in law and as ex is still here i had to support his family which turned out with me doing nearly everthing for his Mum until wed night i said his family had to help but still had to go to arrange the funeral.

Woke up the next day in tears and have not stopped crying since, this is a new thing for me i'm not really a cryer but could not seem to stop.

The decisions i have made since stopping have not been settled as soon as i would have liked, i can be impatient!

The good news is i have not wanted to gamble but have been so scared that all of a sudden i would start to try to escape yet again and not have the conviction to not do it.

Don't know why i'm feeling like this and all these new emotions and feelings have surfaced and not sure how to deal with them.

I am usually strong and when i set out to achieve something i can usually do it (apart from stopping in the past, have gone a couple of weeks but this is my longest abstinence so far), however i just seemed to be falling apart.

Was meant to be going out last night with friends but did not go as was sure i would come home after a few and gamble, i did not want to do this so that was my answer and today i have woke feeling a little stronger.

I hate what this has made me, had some tough times throughout my life but this is the hardest journey i have taken on!

I should be thankful that i have not gone over the edge and the gambling is on hold , please god may it stay on hold.

I now need to have some time out to sort out my emotions and am going to see my Mum today and spend the day with my siblings if they are still talking to me after knowing what i done but Mum said they are fine and looking forward to seeing me. Tomorrow i am going to spend the day with my son, he moved out a couple of weeks ago and i have not really seen much of him, a little scared as he lives in a seaside resort which has casinos and arcades but am determind not to go there!

Now i have put all that down am feeling stronger and i know i will NOT let this horrible complusion beat me, i am going to win this time!

Lets hope my next post will be i am still getting there and am stronger, maybe we need to go through this to understand what gambling does to you, maybe it makes us stronger in the future remembering just how it can make us feel.

Hope all have managed to stay bet free.

Lucy x

A strong post from you there and many thanks for sharing it with us all. I hope that sharing all this has helped you as much as it has helped me realise what this evil world of gambling WILL do to people.

But take it from me. This period will pass.

These recovery journeys of ours are not going to be easy at all. There will be very low and difficult times but there are also plenty of positive days to be had.

They will come, just keep strong and stay very positive right now. By not gambling, you are doing brilliantly!

NT

What a difference a couple of days make!

Did not gamble even though i thought i would , really proud of myself.

Spent time away from the house and it was good, i really need ex to leave as it's really difficult but can't until next week, i believe this will help.

Mum gave me a good talking too over the weekend and reminded me of the person i used to be and not the miserable one i had become, she reminded me of all the things i have accomplished throughout my life and that i can be that person again.

Also spent time with my son which was great!

I've had some really strong support with this journey and know i proberbly would not have come this far without it.

Also slept better over the last couple of days, don't know if that's all the driving i have done or whether i just crashed but i do feel better about life.

I know i am going to do this !

Hope all staying bet free too xxx

Great stuff, so nice to see people battling their demons. Keep it up

Today i have decided enough is enough!

I am fed up with feeling up and down and am determind to find positives in each day to get me through!

My positives today are:

I have not gambled

I am still here, in good health (even though i smoke too much)

I have a great son

I have a good family

I have some good friends

I will not let my situation get me down, i have made these changes to give me a better life so i just need to be patient and get on with it.

I am going to enjoy life and not let situations or people bring me down.

I am a nice, caring person deep down and adore helping young people make the correct changes in their life for my job so now it's time i did the same for me.

Never thought i could give myself therapy but hey it kinda works!

Stay bet free all

Lucy x

Hi Lucy

Really good to hear you being more positive about things. You should be really proud of yourself for what you have achieved so far! When I first came to this site, I remember you being one of the first to give me support and you had only been here a short time yourself! You will never know how much your words helped me through those dark early days!

You are a nice, caring person and you have some great postives in your life to let things get you down too much!

Stay strong and you will reap the benefits I'm sure!

6 weeks today!

In one way it has flown by, at other way times has felt like eternity but i'm still doing it and must say feel really proud of myself!

The benefits i have seen are:

I have money again!

I do not feel guilty

I do not feel ashamed

I am getting back to being the person i was

Most of the time i'm happier

I know these benefits will continue to grow with my recovery and i'm excited to see what this new life will bring.

My positives for today are:

I have not gambled

I am going out with an Aunt today without feelings of guilt as she would normally give me money because i would say i'm skint but not tell tell it was because i had gambled it all!

My ex is looking at a place, yeepee about time!

Heres to a bet free day for all

Lucy x

Morning Early Bird,

6 weeks, that's the way to do it.

Looking at the positives , feeling positive , seems to breed more positives. So add this to today's, you made this dusty old fairy think about all the positives in her life, what a great way to start the day, all I need now is some sun shine. For that I thank you.

Have a nice day out with you Aunt , can picture her face when you pay for lunch, would that be another positive, they just keep coming and coming.

Dusty x

Good Morning world!

Positives for today:

I have not gambled

I was able to pay for lunch yesterday for my Aunt

I am going to take my Nan out today and pay for her lunch

I have a smile on my face

I am staying really positive at present, yesterday i realised that for the first time in over 30years since i was a litte girl i will NOT be putting a bet on the National this weekend !

Hope all stay bet free too

Lucy xxx

Good Morning to you too,

All these free lunches going, better stick my name on list.lol

I can feel your satisfaction , and your positivity , good for you !

Dusty

Good Morning world!

Trouble sleeping again but not sure why still feeling good!

Positives for today:

I have not gambled

I had a great day yesterday with my Nan and sister and paid for lunch!

I have some great friends

I am going out tonight to party!

I had my first tattoo and LOVE it lol

I know i am going to do this

Well, wishing all a good weekend and a bet free one!

Lucy x

Morning Boston,

Great last two posts! Being able to treat both yourself and others without worrying about money must have been a great feeling.

Plenty more of this to come!

Have a great weekend.

NT

Good Morning

A little late for me but just got up after a good night out, was very merry and had a ball!

My Positives today are:

I have not gambled even after coming home merry!

Spent time with my son yesterday and he bought breakfast

I'm smiling again

My bestest friend is back from oz

Got told i looked really well and happy from people i have not spent time with in about 2 years!

Just goes to show if we can get rid of all that rubbish baggage things can look so much brighter!

Have a good bet free day

Lucy x