New beginnings!

Hi Lucy

It is so great to see how you've turned a corner in the last few days and how positive you are now being. I have no doubt that this is a big turning point for you in your life and you will now reap the benefits of being gamble free!

Thanks for your post, keep up the good work and most of all, keep enjoying yourself as you seem to be doing!

Onwards and upwards x

What's wrong with me today!

Just about to head out to ex father in laws afuneral and all i want to do is stay here and gamble!

But i have'nt !

Lucy.

Just for today be kind to yourself. I found that as a compulsive gambler I used to whilst at it use gambling as a tool to deal with emotions a way to deal with grief. I could not remember the last time I had cried,in recovery I have cried alot and not all tears of sadness. Today you have an emotional day and this addiction will try to use it to its end, So just for today be kind to yourself.

duncs compulsive gambler No bet today.

Hey Lucy,

I had a read of your diary yesterday and I just wanted to say what you are achieving so far is great! I don't think there is a day where it's easy but there are days when we can enjoy life without the worry of gambling! The longer we stay on that road to recovery the more days we can enjoy life!

Today sounds like its particularly tough the key is to stay strong and use today as a springboard to get through the "easier days" beat today you can beat anyday! I'll be looking out for you and offering encouragement as you have done for me so far!

Don't know what happenend today!

I was fine when i got up and appeared really happy then the ex started saying some strange stuff and i became all panicky and did not know what to do.

So this is what i did

I searched for a new site i had not self excluded from and started to open an account!

I was thinking if i'm playing then i don't have to deal with the ex, then felt really bad as he was about to say goodbye to his dad for the last time.

I then came on here to remind me of how i and others have been doing and went back to the site to self exclude before i had a chance to deposit and play.

I did NOT gamble but was oh so close it has scared me a bit, really thought i was getting this under control and have been feeling so great, i'm really disappointed with myself even though i did not do it!

My ex broke down and that has scared me too as in all of 16 years i have never seen him show any emotion what so ever.

I think today was always going to be tough as it was the day i finally said goodbye forever to his family, it all dawned on me that things are changing forever and my life is something so different from a couple of months ago.

I cried as i left , i cried for all that i have done, i cried for being this weak person who can still at times think to escape to a world of hell is better than dealing with whats in front of her, i cried because someone i used to love was hurting so bad and i cried because i'm scared.

There is positives out of all this and i am trying to find some each day:

Today it is that i did not gamble

Today is the real start now of the new life i have chosen for me

I am now back home on my own and have no desire to gamble, this is a weird feeling as only 7 hours ago i nearly did!

Don't know if any of that makes sense but felt i had to put it down.

Lucy

Hi Lucy

Firstly I want to say a massive well done today.. you should be very proud of yourself!

As gamblers, we found a way to block out painful feelings and difficult situations through gambling. Of course, we inadvertantly created far greater problems for ourselves in the process!!

What I'm trying to say, is that we have to find other ways of dealing with these situations that are not detrimental to us in the long run! Ways in which people who aren't gamblers would deal with them!

So today is a massive step for you, because you didn't resort to gambling, you dealt with things in other ways and whilst it might have been painful, you will recover quicker and it will stand you good stead in the future!

Who needs gambling eh? Well done once again! 🙂

Hi Boston, just read your diary. Well done on not gambling at such a tough time, it is so easy to gamble to escape painful feelings but the fact you resisted shows your courage and true determination 🙂 Well done! Stay strong and keep going 🙂 x

Hi Lucy

A massive well done for resisting gambling to block ur problems out , me and u are in a very similar place with no partner so I know how hard it is everyday is different , please be so proud of urself for not giving in and draw strength from it , I gambled to block everything out but av now learned to face up to my problems , it really is about choices we make choose to gamble or not we know why we do it , I am really pleased u made the right choice when the goin got tough it will make u stronger and life will get easier

Take care

Castle2

Lucy,

I can't really think of anything that could have made your day worse other than if you had gambled! You resisted even on a bad day and that is one hell of a positive step! You then managed to list more positives from the day that takes courage!

The diary should be used for reflection as much as it is to record daily thoughts and I believe what you wrote regarding yesterday will give you great strength on future difficult days!

Keep up your really good work and take comfort in the knowledge that many people on here are looking out for you!

Flagg

First day back to work after 2 weeks today!

Work would nearly always be a big trigger for me when it was difficult but i decided that i had to change my mind set for this to not happen.

Today i made the choice to not get stressed when times were tough, i realised that how i felt or how my body language was being portrayed also affected how others behaved, being the boss is tough at times lol

Today i made others feel good and was really positive!

2 staff who have been off for nearly 2 months said i had changed so much and seemed really happy.

Really pleased that i did NOT gamble yesterday and for that today i am feeling stronger again.

Positives today:

I did not gamble

I smiled

I laughed

I helped others overcome some difficult moments

I had a young person give me a hug and say thank you for being there and listening

Feel pretty good!

Hope all have managed to stay bet free today

Lucy x

Not gambling = The real you

Simples.

NT

Hi Lucy

Your last post made me smile for a couple of reasons.

Firstly because it is so heartening too see you go through the darkness unscathed and back into the light 🙂

Secondly, I was exactly the same as you when I was a boss. My mood was always dictated by how much I had won or lost (so more often than not I was in a bad mood!) and when I look back my poor staff must have hated me at times!

At least now your staff are seeing the real you and that must make you feel great - well done again! And thanks for making me smile 🙂

Lucy,

I hope the day is treating you well and you have plenty of positives to take from your day much like yesterday!

Stay strong x

Felt a little low this morning after some difficulties last night (NOT GAMBLING)

Did'nt have time to think about gambling though but still went to work without my smile.

But hey, some wise words and encouragment pulled me out of that feeling pretty quick.

Before when i would start to get down it could drag me into bad thoughts of the dreaded slots but not today.

My thoughts turned from negative back to the positive, that's where they should be, looking for solutions to the problems not wallowing in them.

So my positives for today :

I did not gamble

I turned from feeling rubbish to ' i'am good'

I stayed positive for my staff and in turn they were great today in difficult times

I am smiling again now

I have some pretty cool mates

Hope all stayed bet free today

Lucy xx

lucy just read your diary, its amazing, you have positive way of thinking and i admire you cause you were sometimes very close to gamble but you didnt do it!that means a lot to me cause on my first relapse i blew very easily thousands of euros.

keep strong and remember:you give courage to me and all the members!