New beginnings!

Hello my friend!!

Hope the weather is not dampening your spirits too much today… I’m trying my hardest not to let it get to me!

Sooo glad things are picking up for you and that you are starting to leave work behind when you get home! Blondie is spot on.. you give it your all when you are there and that’s all that should be asked of you.

Keep on going mate.. you’re doing brilliantly and you’re starting to see the rewards of being gamble free… isn’t it great?!

Take care mate and have a good day.. albeit a little wet!!

xxxx

Hey Lucy,

Just checking in really to see if all is still good in your world. You know how much I value your famous smile :). Hope to hear from you soon!

Flagg

hey lucy

carl

Thanks 4 ur posts lately mate hope ur doin well and smiling haha

im just doing sum quick posts so il catch up wih u again soon

cheers

Good Morning World

Thanks for the posts and i will get back to you all over the next couple of days 😉

So how is Lucy's world?..........

Alot happeneing in my life at the moment, the first and most important is that i am still bet free!

Very tired right now, a long half term and one that's been very busy but as always also rewarding when you see a smile from the young people just cause you listenend and advised them and they feel not so alone and that life can get better in time 🙂

As for me , well where do i start .........

Had a couple of dates lol and well is the single life for me ? emmmmmmmm difficult one, i like being with someone but i also love being on my own , doing my own thing . My confidence has grown a lot lately, i'm starting to see maybe what others see and although still alot of self doubt it is growing and i feel good when stepping out and it feels good when i see someone looking just cause i might look ok or maybe they are thinking what the bloody hell does she look like lol lol

It's quite conflicting because at times i get bored and then the thoughts come back as i want some kind of buzz, now do i get a high from gambling?

When your off it the mind starts playing tricks in making you think how much you had a good time on it, how much you enjoyed it and that it was great! but you then take a step back and think NO it really wasn't like that, you never won or if you did as a cg you always put it back till it was all gone and then some more on top, so why does the brain say to you it was good when it really was not? .................

So another part of this journey i must get over, blocks in place which without would make this sooo much harder when the mind tricks us into thinking it would be a good buzz!!

I'm not struggling like i have before when the thoughts come, it's not the pain i felt before and although i slipped back in August it does remind me that it's just not worth going back there, it brings nothing but misery and regret, now that's something i do not miss believe me!

A friend said last night that we have to try and not look for the highs and just get in that middle lane in cruise control but very difficult when you have lived your life getting the buzz from the highs so i am still looking for that , i know that i should not look for something to replace the gambling as i am then only transferring it too another and that whatever it would be would prob turn into another addiction, just wish i could be happy with what i have instead of looking for a high!

In spite of my thinking i'm really ok , a few decisions to make as the ex is now showing me and telling me all i wanted to hear for years but his still drinking and i'm scared if i went back it would go back to how it was and then i would in turn go back to the dark days!

So another week at work left then off to the mountains to get my clarity as i always do when i'm in the clouds 🙂

Flaggs weekly check in will keep me motivated for the run up to xmas which is a very difficult time for me and i know once i get too that end week and i know i will the start to 2013 will really be a huge turning point in getting to be just happy with being me and hopefully stop looking for a new high !

Not sure if that makes sense as usual but i need to put these thoughts down to help me on my recovery.

Keep strong all and have a great bet free weekend!

Smiling Lucy xxxxxx

Boston,

Good morning. I am glad to read that you are still gamble free and it is vital you continue on the same path. I enjoyed reading your post and was interested to read about your thoughts towards gambling i.e. remembering what we thought were the good times, the great wins and the buzz that comes with that. This is known as "J****E thinking" and most people suffering from addiction will experience it. I no longer experience it with gambling but it is the reason why I am constantly quitting and re-starting smoking. Even when I quit smoking and I'm doing well I start to get these thoughts such as "just one" or "I'll only smoke when out drinking". I know this is not possible for me but my mind will try to convince us otherwise. We are intelligent people and know our thoughts are not rational.

When I used to experience J****E thinking at the beginning of my gambling quit I used to recall the great wins and the buzz. I decided to put all my great wins down on paper. I couldn't get to ten and had been gambling almost everyday for five years. Less than ten big wins in over 1600 days and attempts. You are an intelligent person don't allow J****E thinking to cloud what you know. You want to stop gambling because of all the bad that it brings to your life. The badness inside us wants to trick us into doing the bad things that we so desperately don't want to do anymore. For me, that is gambling and smoking for others it may be drink and drugs.

Also, any man lucky enough to take you out for a date will be in for a truly interesting and enjoyable night. You would be a catch for anyone.

Keep up the good work.

Tomso.

hi lucy

carl

Hello lucy thanks 4 the post gud 2 see you posting.

So ur going on dates haha fair play 2 u.

Yea its funny how the disease tricks us into thinking of the odd win we had the longer wer bet free we still have to be careful it truely is a cunning baffling and powerful disease but i gave this disease so many second chances but it broke my heart again every time i dont want it anymore no heart 4 it scared 2 of it .

The blocks r great me not having a debit card means im safe in my own house and it woz this forum that i got that idea not exactly rocket science but i never thought of it before.

Take care mate

P.S il look out 4 you on blind date hahaha

Lucy.

"I cannot win because I cannot stop"

At it that is the badge that unites us!!!!

So glad to read your back to smiling, inside and out.

Thought of you yesterday when the vidi printer announced a glut of goals!!! A result I was keen to hear, I support 19 other clubs this year lol one each week to beat that lot down the road lol !!!!

sarah has too had a long half term, I am sure the efforts will be rewarded next week.

And dating !!! The vision of notting hill comes to fore

"come on willy let's get sloshed" lol.

Keep making the choice that suits, keep enjoying.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Up the hammers!!!

Mornin Lucy

Always nice to hear from u , it's good to see that u now av found a balance with this site and it looks like it's really working for u and that's all that matters

Thought of u yesterday when the hammers score came through one suspects the stoke game will be not as exciting but the aim is to win so enjoy , watched my lot Friday night and av to say they played really well but had some real bad luck and in the end the match was talked bout for all the wrong reasons ruined by a mindless thug ! But hey that's the world we live in today

On that our world we live in now is a much better place and esp without gambling in it , we now both know too much to ever go back to that evil world , we av took some knocks on the way but we're still standing and fighting

Good on ya with the dating and as much as it pains me to say lol av to agree with Tomso there will be one lucky man out there , think u will know when it's right but there's no rush stick to the one day at a time and see what happens

All I do know is ur life is soooooooo much better now

Take care and catch up soon

Castle2

Hi Lucy, you should always find reasons to be proud of yourself, love and above all else believe in yourself. I know it's really difficult at times for all of us because we're often conditioned to feel pretty worthless as well as reinforcing those thoughts upon our selves as well. Yet Lucy, you sound lovely, someone who has made something of your life by the positive impact you've made on so many others. You're inspiring and that makes you very special.

That middle lane! If only we were all designed to coast down it. I too long to find it but I like to hit the outside lane, driving backwards with my eyes closed. I'm getting much better as I get older but throughout my life I've always craved that passion, the excitement of that 'buzz.' From an early age I was seeking excitement from all areas of life and growing up I always rejected stable relationships for destructive ones because the excitement and uncertainty made me feel alive, although it killed me too if that makes sense. I sometimes used to long to be like others in a well ordered sense of stability especially concerning relationships but part of me always knew I'd get bored and move on quickly. I don't know why this destructive attraction makes me tick but it does, I can't change, nor do I want to because I feel different from more stable people, I feel more passion for life. Yet it's difficult to exist like this forever and it's all about adapting. The buzz and excitement I crave must be free from self destruction to a certain extent.

I got my fix through gambling, a real buzz but its taken me this long to realise it was a cheap, artificial and ultimately costly way of getting my fix. Now I have to learn to love the norm or select positive alternatives.

Maybe with time the fires inside will burn themselves out and common sense will prevail.

Dating again! Now that's exciting, the anticipation, chemistry (hopefully) and the sense of the unknown. All good and I wish you well in that area. You've one last fleeting week before you can put your feet up, I hope this week goes quicker for you than it will for me. Take care Lucy. Always be proud and believe in yourself, be selective but never be over cautious and love who you are because you're brilliantly unique.

Steve

Hi Lucy, you should always find reasons to be proud of yourself, love and above all else believe in yourself. I know it's really difficult at times for all of us because we're often conditioned to feel pretty worthless as well as reinforcing those thoughts upon our selves as well. Yet Lucy, you sound lovely, someone who has made something of your life by the positive impact you've made on so many others. You're inspiring and that makes you very special.

That middle lane! If only we were all designed to coast down it. I too long to find it but I like to hit the outside lane, driving backwards with my eyes closed. I'm getting much better as I get older but throughout my life I've always craved that passion, the excitement of that 'buzz.' From an early age I was seeking excitement from all areas of life and growing up I always rejected stable relationships for destructive ones because the excitement and uncertainty made me feel alive, although it killed me too if that makes sense. I sometimes used to long to be like others in a well ordered sense of stability especially concerning relationships but part of me always knew I'd get bored and move on quickly. I don't know why this destructive attraction makes me tick but it does, I can't change, nor do I want to because I feel different from more stable people, I feel more passion for life. Yet it's difficult to exist like this forever and it's all about adapting. The buzz and excitement I crave must be free from self destruction to a certain extent.

I got my fix through gambling, a real buzz but its taken me this long to realise it was a cheap, artificial and ultimately costly way of getting my fix. Now I have to learn to love the norm or select positive alternatives.

Maybe with time the fires inside will burn themselves out and common sense will prevail.

Dating again! Now that's exciting, the anticipation, chemistry (hopefully) and the sense of the unknown. All good and I wish you well in that area. You've one last fleeting week before you can put your feet up, I hope this week goes quicker for you than it will for me. Take care Lucy. Always be proud and believe in yourself, be selective but never be over cautious and love who you are because you're brilliantly unique.

Steve

Hi lucy just wanted to pop in and say hello and i hope ur ok. We both joined the forum the same day and i just want to thank u 4 all ur support from that day.

Ur a gud person and i hope u enjoy ur week off next week.

Stay strong

Hi Lucy,

I wanted to thank you for sticking with me when I fell down and for your continued support. I too struggle with understanding why I behave at times like a moth darting into the flame.. living today as if tomorrow may never come. That's why for me.. these days are all about focus, and taking it slowly, one day at a time. We are resolved! Gonna do it this time eh!! Stay strong girl!! -joanxxx

Hi Lucy,

Always love reading your posts lucy and cant help but smile when I see how well your doing,and back in the game eh.. Nudge nudge wink wink.

Hope you enjoy the half term, your doing brilliant lucy .

Take care

Blondie xxx