Well dear diary this is the first input on my new diary page , have sent my old one " In the begining " off to the cyber scrap heap where it belongs, as I got really fed up of looking back at where I'd been .
So on day 250 of being gamble free I'ts time for a fresh start and as the title suggests I'm feeling pretty good and very optimistic about the future right now .
Every day at the moment life just seems to get better since giving up gambling , I wake every morning and apart from some severe pain in my dodgy right hip , I look forward to the day ahead , for the first time in many years I feel at peace with myself and am looking forward to the future as never before .
It's so nice just to spend time with those around me that I love , enjoying simple things again , conversation , company , a chilled beer or nice glass of wine , or as today walking the dogs for miles through an empty forest with my partner who's been my rock alongside my kids for a very long time . So different from 9 months ago when everything revolved around gambling and the need for money , the greed filled hours , fuel'd by the fact of " enough was never enough " , I'ts only now that I can look back and realise that I didn't actually need any of it and that I already had it all , I suppose like many on here it was the false lifestyle that any winnings would have offered me , the money and the trappings of being a succesfull gambler I could have proudly lavished on my family but I now know that that wasn't what they needed either and that it was all an illusion created by myself in order to justify continuing to gamble .
I'm under no illusion I'll always have to keep my guard up , just as with my diabetes It's always going to be there hovering in the background but will remain perfectly managable with proper control in place . 9 months ago I was like a scattered jigsaw , all over the place my life so fragmented I really could see no way of getting myself back together again , scared of opening post because of bills and Credit card debt , telling lies to cover my spending , loss of all self esteem and unable to look my loved ones in the eye for fear of being outed but wow what a turnaround now !, my self respect has returned, I'm feeling happy and honest to myself and those around me, all the parts of the jigsaw finally coming back together so the pictures looking good .
To anyone who reads this especially if your new to the site , then I'll just say this " You can turn your life around , you just have to want to enough !" .
Alan , a compulsive gambler , reclaiming life , "One day at a time " .
Nice Alan. I hope I can post such an inspiring post when I hit day250 congrats
Yeahhhh...what a lovely post Alan. .the simple lifes are the best ones...made up for you xxx
Mr Alan welcome back my friend 250 days of winning, noticed you spouting your words of wisdom around these parts lately, Which was nice to see.
So if it's your 250 then I must be 15 days away and may it always remain that way.
KTF
Good frame of mind Alan. Made up for you. Tri
Wow what a read Alan thank you for giving me some inspiration that I can turn things around.
Congratulations one how far you've come.
Hi mate - you are an inspiration! Enjoy your new diary!
Hi alan and wlcome bk hun and well done on 250 days gf thats amazing xxx
Welcome back and congrats on 250 days
Nice one Alan!
Nice to see you back Al
Oohhhh....I'm a bit blonde today
Just seen it's 250 days for you my booty...woohooooooopopppppoooohhhoooooooooopppwwoppp
That's Devonian dilect for well done xxxx
Hi Alan,
Good luck in your new diary. 250 days is amazing.
I loved your first post it was very inspirational. What you say is so true that money really isn't everything. Thankyou for all the advice you have given me aswell.
I am like you Alan. I will have to keep my guard up from gambling for the rest of my life and am lucky too that my wife has stood by and supported me.
One thing does make me happy. I owned a small property and used it to free equity so my wife and i can get out dream home. So gambling never managed to take that away and steal my wives dreams.
Things can change and they have for us. But as a toad i need to stay safe in the lily pad and avoid temptation. There's alot of predators out there like snakes and voles. Ready to bite you.
Toad.
Good to see you back Alan and well done on 250 days.
Hi Alan, for obvious reasons the recovery diary pages contain a lot of pain, distress and anguish so it's nice to see some light and optimism. Congrats on reaching 250 days and I wish you strength on the journey ahead.
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