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Why do i continue making life harder for myself Suzanne? Whats inside me where i feel the need to continue to hurt myself.

I have a job that i can do in my sleep, im a single lad with no ties. Life should be so easy.

And i have this image in my head of the person id like to be and that could be my goal but im constantly damaging myself and picking myself up.

I cant do anything about the scan, but i can control my gambling addiction.

Im giving up my bank card (again) . My ma can mind it and ill ask her to carry it with her so im not tempted when shes not in the house. Until i actually accept im powerless over gambling this situation will continue

Hey Hun,

I don't know why we keep punishing ourselves, but we do, I wished I knew the answer, I believe more people do than let on in different scenarios, when you look at the bigger picture, celebetries punish themselves with drug/ drink abuse and they've must ask that question to themselves, and sadly a few of them lose their lives when they have everything materially and financially.

Your scan will sort your eye problem out, and hopefully you will get it ASAP, for your own peace of mind,

Does your mum know about your scan xxxx

Hi Stephen , not posted before and now twice in one day , whats going on ?.

Not butting in on your chat with Suzanne but again as earlier , I think its in our nature as Compulsive gamblers to see the person we aspire to be but because of what we do we never allow ourselves to become that person?, its as if we feel w'e*e not worthy of that position in life ? to achieve our goal , our dreams .

Truth is though , you are worthy and you can get to where you want !. But in order to achieve those things you have to move on from the place your at now ?.

As you said your in a good position and the only thing I can see thats stopping you achieve your goal , your dream, is you buddy ?.

Let go off all the cr+P , all the difficult times youv'e been through and the past , lock it away and move forward to a better life , the live you strive to have !. There's no place in your life for the bad things that have happened anymore , the past , none of us can change but the future is a whole different matter !.

It's all about cause and effect , gambling is the cause of your problem and the effect is you not being to be the person you really want to be .

Youv'e battled through many things and your still fighting , still punching your way through life , so definately nothin wrong with your guts and determination my friend , just stay focused and what you want will come !

Best wishes for now Stephen and will catch up with you later my friend !.................Alan

Thanks Suzanne, i havent told anyone about the scan to be honest. I think im better off waititng for the test and results before i do.

Alan thanks for the message appreciate it. Its only me thats stopping me in life. Maybe its time to switch that into a positive?

Yesterday i accepted fully i was powerless over gambling. My ma wasnt home till late yesterday but i left my bank card in her room. I left a note telling her to take out the rent i owed and to take money out for my sisters' xmas presents. So the next time i get paid the money stuff can get sorted for me.

So yesterday had some positive. Now its about what i do between paydays. I wont spend the next few weeks feeling sorry for myself. Even if i just go the gym it will help my mind

Morning Stephen , good for you my friend !, Now thats taking charge and doing something about the situation , accept what we can't change and be positive about the things you can !.

The Gym sound's a good idea, as they say " sound in body , sound in mind " ! , Not sure who they were ?, but sounds good to me ! Ha! Ha!.

Take care my friend and stay strong >>>>>>>>>>......................Alan

Hi Stephen,

It's good to see you in a positive frame of mind.

Keep strong and take of you

Suzanne xxx

Stephen2105 wrote:

Thanks Suzanne, i havent told anyone about the scan to be honest. I think im better off waititng for the test and results before i do.

Alan thanks for the message appreciate it. Its only me thats stopping me in life. Maybe its time to switch that into a positive?

Yesterday i accepted fully i was powerless over gambling. My ma wasnt home till late yesterday but i left my bank card in her room. I left a note telling her to take out the rent i owed and to take money out for my sisters' xmas presents. So the next time i get paid the money stuff can get sorted for me.

So yesterday had some positive. Now its about what i do between paydays. I wont spend the next few weeks feeling sorry for myself. Even if i just go the gym it will help my mind

Asking for help is never easy. Well done Stephen

Just been looking online and i do have the symptoms of a tumour. I was doing quite well the past few days emotionally and i knew i shouldnt have googled the symptoms, but i still have flashbacks of the eye doctor asking me if i had been sick the past year and thinking at the time it was really odd question to ask at an eye exam.

Just needed somewhere to say that

Hi Stephen, just picked up on your last post , please try and not read to much into what the internet is telling you , its not always right and sometimes we see things that are not really there , I myself have done the same thing over lumps , bumps and moles all of which turned out to be something harmless !.

I'm sure that if doctors thought you had something serious like a tumour , they wouldn't wait a month for a scan?.

Try not to worry Buddy , things will work out . BEST WISHES ...................ALAN

Agree with Alan, Stephen,

We read into too much when we check in on Dr Google 🙂

Keep positive and stay strong, it will get sorted soon.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Stephen, completely understand the fear that kicks in with this type of thing, have been there myself. Just wanted to try to reasure you as others have done that if a doctor or consultant suspects cancer the NH system is to see you within a number of days and you would not be waiting so long, I had my scan the following week. Just to add that even if if they find a tumour, my nephew has one behind his eye which was discovered after a rugby accident, it can be benign as his was and easily treated. If it turns out the worst scenario as mine was, you are getting treatment and everyone here will be behind you, taking care of you and offering hugs and support and planning your gamble free future with you. Thinking of you. xxx

Thanks for the replies, i knew i shouldnt be looking at google i just couldnt help myself. And thanks for the info Dragonfly.

I got my appointment letter yesterday, my appointment is next friday.

I dont feel sorry for myself. Im nervous about the scan but i dont have self pity. Last year i went to my xmas party with over 100 days gamble free behind me, i had a lot of good things going in my life. But i allowed one knock as an excuse to gamble. So a year later instead of going to the work xmas party ill be having a scan, i have no friends to talk to, i dont own a phone and im completey isolated. Im telling my story so people appreciate their recovery (regardless if its a day or ten years) and dont allow themselves to feed the addiction .

have a nice and safe weekend

Hope you are having a calm and safe weekend Stephen.

Keep strong and keep positive,

Suzanne xxx

Hi Suzanne, im currently in work. I work Monday to friday normally but its overtime.

Havent been thinking of gambling, other stuff occuping my mind.

Hope you're having a nice weekend for both of us suzanne x

Hey Stephen,

Working overtime and keeping busy, am pleased you are not at home dwelling on stuff.

Am ok thanks, at home cooking home made beef casserole with dumplings of course:)) having a drink or two lol, and listening to Adele:s album, and keeping an eye on here.

Keep strong Stephen, and keep believing in you, I do xxxx

PS keep posting when you can

Suzanne xxx