new me

Hi Sandy and welocme aboard. Slots was/is my thing to. Very addictive thats for sure. I'd like to think i'm a reasonably intelligent person to and the same goes for many gambling addicts. But the bottom line (in my opinion) is that its am emotional problem. The slots become ones way to switch off from to escape from feelings.. any feelings..take a break from reality.

In my experince when at the machine nothing else really matters... except the anticipation of the next win. At the back of ones mind you know whats coming when you do walk away... reality kicks back in again.. so you delay for as long as possible.. usually until all available monies have been exhausted.

There are of course the practical things you can do.. self-exclusion from arcades, bookies, casino's.. as well as limiting or denying yourself acces to money.. but the real challenge comes with dealing with life and lifes problems without taking the edge off with gambling.

Like you say.. you deserve a better life. One day at a time is the way. Onwards... S.A 🙂

Hi Sandy

Again well done for finding the strength to get help that takes some real courage probably one of the hardest decisions u will ever make and u av made that choice do somethin bout it so know matter how bad u may feel u av made the 1st positive step in turning ur life around

Unfortunately for us gambling can't be beaten but we can make dam sure that gambling doesn't beat us the great thing about this site is we all understand what ur goin through and we all want to help

Read and read diaries there's so much info that will help u so much in ur recovery , support others even its just a few words of support u will be amazed how good it will make u feel and also help u

The best advice u will see repeatedly said is take it one day at a time and stay very close to this site esp when the urges come , fight with everything u av and I promise u will become so much stronger to fight the next day , as time goes av it does become easier just make that decision each day and choose not to gamble

With the support on here and ur own determination u really can change ur life around

I really wish u all the best in ur recovery

Castle2

Thank you so much SA and Castle2. I am now on day 3 and feeling good. You are so right about the feelings/emotions aspect of the slots. When I am hooked up to a machine nothing else is in my head. And that is what I think is the addiction. The zoning out, or switching off of my mind for the duration of the gambling session. I had an abusive husband for far too many years and it took every ounce of courage I had to walk away from that marriage. This week for the first time I have started to make comparisons between the gambling and my ex-husband. I knew he was bad for me and I had to walk away. The gambling is just the same as him. Some times it gives me a great feeling, but the majority of the time it leaves me feeling worthless and disgusted with myself. It feeds my low self-esteem and I can't let that happen. Having a low self-esteem ruins my life. Anything that feeds it has to go. I can't believe I actually feel like this because I have tried everything over the past five years to stop the gambling and nothing has worked. Now it feels like a light has been switched on inside my head. I am finding the biggest struggle comes from the fact that I need to break the habit of doing something that I did very regularly. Not so much beating the addiction, more like beating the 'ritual' of going to the bookies to play machines. Even though I don't want to do it anymore it pops into my head as a little thought many, many times a day. I just shake my head and say 'I got out of that marriage and I can get out of this'. No more lies, no more stealing, no more deceiving people who care about me, no more bad thoughts, no more gambling 🙂

Yo,

Great post , full of honesty and determination !

Day 3 will soon turn into 30 then 300

Every day you will amass more strength every day you will be one step further away from your last bet .

Think I read somewhere it takes 21 days to break the habit , only 18 to go , I am sure you can do that , having been through what you've been through .

Maybe a change in routine , might help to make it easier . Eat breakfast at dinner time and dinner at breakfast time , only joking .....

I think I read a lot , and stayed in . But then the bookies was my problem . If it had been online gambling suppose I would have gone out for walks , visited people .

Anyways , keep posting , there are lots of great people , supportive people on this site who have helped me no end and will do the same for you .

Shiny

Hello and welcome to the forum. Congratulations on starting a diary and therefore the chance of a new life. I say those words because I have experienced change and it began the night I found this forum, the wealth of knowledge it provides and the help and support from people who have and are experiencing the same emotions and thoughts as myself. The people who have replied to you so far are absolutely committed to their diares and the chance of a better life. If you choose to show the same level of committment you will experience peace and happiness in an easily manageable life once again.

I played roulette daily and it was destroying me one loss at a time each and every day. I tried all sorts of different things but eventually I made the decision that I had to prevent myself from walking into a bookies or casino. This single decision made over two hundred days ago has changed my life. I used to wish I could just bet on football and stay away from roulette but it just wasn't possible. Now, with the benefit of time, I realise that I miss out on nothing. I have more money, I am more content and all round happy with life and the things I have.

At the beginning I had to put blocks in place. The single best rule I applied was to not carry a bank card to work where I used to play at lunch time and/or after work. I took away the opportunity. Just like we get used to gambling every day we can also get used to not gambling everyday. It takes a little amount of time and a big amount of committment. At the beginning I ensured I remained positive at all times. I knew I had made the correct decision to stop and still never doubt that decision. My recovery is absolutely mental. I constantly remind myself about how disorganised my life used to be.

Put as much effort into your recovery as you used to into your gambling. If you used to spend hours at the bookies there is no reason why you shouldn't spend hours on here posting and reading.

I wish you well.

Tomso.

welcome aboard the roller coaster ride

carl

Well done Sandy for coming on here and starting a diary...you can already see that people are willing to support and help you despite them having similar battles to fight.

I have found this site so helpful especailly when you realise your not alone.

My story is similar to yours...but online slots and I can relate to using them for escapism.....you sound like you are ready to fight back and as each day passes you will find things getting a bit easier. There will be highs and low's but keep strong!

Forwards not back

Jewels

Hi Sandy... I relate to the euphoric feeling of the slots. That is the addictive nature of them. The "nearly win" all part of the design to get the heart racing at the anticipation of a win and when a win comes the addictive mind wants to repeat that feeling again and again until of course all available funds are depeleted.

Of course it doesn't make it easy to stop doing it though. I am testament to that having been trying to stop and stay stopped for 10 years. It is not easy.

I hope that you are getting through these very difficult first few days. Filling the void is important I think, especially for those of us who gamble to escape ourselves. I took up running.. a healthy adrenaline rush... but to be honest it can be almost anything. Nothing ever fully replaces gambling but doing other stuff helps.

Anyway hope you are doing ok... well done if you are... but even if it has gone wrong come and write about it anyway and start afresh... we have all been there. All the best... S.A 🙂

Thanks again for your great replies, they all keep me focusssed. Nearly wobbled today (Saturday) when I contemplated gambling for about 30 seconds. I managed to hold off the impulse and it went away. I would be so disgusted with myself if I ever gave in. I just can't have that type of life anymore. I deserve better. You deserve better. We all deserve better. I have noticed that I always get the urge whenever I am stressed or very tired so I am trying keep ahead of the situation by keeping mindful. Not allowing myself to do anything on auto pilot. I have in the past found myself standing in front of a slot machine without a clue how I got there. For those of you who are interested I have also been using a great website called 'getselfhelp' and I would recommend you having a look at it. Bye for now

Walked past several betting shops on a high street today (with cash in my purse) and I DIDN'T falter once! So pleased with myself today. YIPPEEEEEEE! No big win ever felt as good as this feeling, especially because it only made me want to re-gamble it all the next day anyway! I don't expect every day to be this easy, but so far I'm doing well. Ten years of wasted life and wasted money. w*f was I thinking!!!

Congratulations on passing those horrible life draining places, feels great doesn't it! I did the same yesterday and it makes me feel a little bit taller each time,

You are doing great, keep it up. You may have wasted that time, energy and money in the past but two things are for sure

1 - you can't get it back

2 - you have regained your future for yourself

Paulds

Well done paulds! I just wish there wasn't so many of the horrible places about. They are everywhere! Where I live you can't walk in any direction without passing several. I have started to wear an elastic band on my wrist and each time I see one of their shop signs I twang it so that I feel a bit of pain. It reminds me of the pain betting shops have caused me over the years. Eventually, I hope to be able to walk past and not even notice them, but I don't know if that is possible. Anyway......here's to another successful day away from the evil flashing lights!

Hi Sandy,

Well done on your determination so far it is impressive. I am similar I look at all these betting shops and how they are just ruining peoples lives. But the big bosses don't care they just after all our money and not bothered about people who get addicted and can't stop. It is horrible.

Have you self excluded? I self excluded from every bookies in my hometown took me a day to do it but now If i get an urge I can't enter any of them. I am day 120 gamble free now and feeling much better about myself I am still paying off the debt I racked up through gambling but it could be worse and I could still be gambling now.

Keep going strong Sandy your doing great 🙂

Kind Regards,

Ricky

Well done to you too Ricky, I'm a long way behind you. I nearly wobbled this afternoon. Tried to talk myself into 'just £20' thinking I could enjoy that and walk away. Noooooooooooooooo! It took me about 2 minutes to talk myself out of it. I imagined having to come on here and, after all my positivity. having to admit I'd weakened. Like I said in a previous post the feeling I am getting from NOT gambling is far better than any feeling I ever got even after a big win. I feel in control again and am so glad I didn't cave. I would have felt dirtied by it. I like it here, in this position of knowing I have stayled clean of the disease for another day. I haven't done the self-exclusion yet as I don't even trust myself to walk through the doors of a bookies at this early stage. But I will do it eventually. The trouble with me is that if I was going to do it a self-exclusion wouldn't stop me, it would just mean I'd have the inconvenience of having to travel further to one where I hadn't been excluded, even if that meant the next town! Anyway, onwards and upwards to that state of mind where it is all in the past, even if the past is only ten days ago!