new me

hi Sandy,

I only have just read the last post on your diary and will now make it a priority to read your through..you know what its like ...often you cant read everyones diaries and you stick to the ones you have known over time...

I can so identify with the comparisan that you are making there and well done for being brave and writing that as making a comparisan such as that in that context really makes people like me understand a lot more the urges and the cycle of addiction and how powerful it is...

The subject is emotive but sometimes we need the sharp shock to see it in those terms for better understanding...

As an ex other half of a gambler and carrying the inherited,learned illness of codependany I also have also recently written a similar post by making the comparison between codependency and gambling...

As like gambling,codependancy is equally as damaging as it can be the other side of the coin to addiction or the driver of addiction... but it is hidden and not discussed becasue for many its"normal" as its so built into our culture as normal and into religion even!..to be self sacrificing and not worthy of love.

I understand what you are saying in you post and it has made me understand addiction a lot more now by reading your words which i think took a lot of guts to write.

keep strong

R and D xx

Hi sandy. Just read a few posts of your diary. I also have the same opinion that our addiction is not very understood by others or very well seen compared to other addictions. And yet, more and more of us fall for this everyday. It is indeed very bad what we do as often it leads us to hurting people that care about us a lot. Count me as another supporter on your road to recovery. Stay strong

Sandy.

Your post for sure gets the brain working and whatever edge you can find is your choice.

I had a question asked early in recovery at my GA.

How much do you love your wife and kids ??

The answer would be however much you stake upon the next bet you place. That would be there worth to you as that next bet will lead to another and the destructive addiction will take charge again.

So in my minds eye I don't have a big enough stake and the odds well, simply not enough.

Result is my money stays in my pocket, the question?? Every time I get the urge it rings in my ears.

Each recovery is individual, bespoke my wish the outcome the same"abstain and maintain"

Duncs compulsive gambler No Bet today

Thank you for your supportive and intelligent responses. Tis true that we all need to find a way that works for us, but sharing our own method just might help someone else and that's why I posted. For me, I can't think of anything more horrific than wanting to abuse a child, so making the connection with gambling makes me feel repulsed, sickened and fuious with myself for even contemplating 'followng through' on my own sick urge. This place is a God send because it helps me, helps others and we all help each other. Long may it continue

yeah its good to hear other peoples tips and tricks to staying gamble free. guess what works for one may not work for all but its nice to see it out there just in case it works.

hey sandy ..

Just a flyer...its good you shared your method and its a form of aversion therepy...I know a few pals that stopped smoking years ago by taking the herb Lobelia..

When they wanted a cig they smoked the lobelia instead which makes you feel nauseaus....so they came to associate smoking with feeling sick and were repulsed and stopped.

keep posting Sandy...

R and D xx

Yo,

Thank you for your lovely piston my thread .

Could relate to your post , I read something on here at the beginning of my recovery . Which I do not want to go into , but it was a light bulb moment about abuse , and how to relate that to gambling .

Really resonated with me .

I think what ever stops us , is a good thing , for different people it can be different things . Anyways waffling a bit , sorry 🙂

Keep going Hun , one of the biggest things this site has taught me , is be positive and believe in yourself .

They seem to help most people .

Night sleep well

Shiny xxxxxx

I am feeling good today. The little thought flits in and out of my head every few hours but I just keep batting it away. I'm so fed up of all the gambling adverts on tv and the number of programmes sponsored by gambling companies. It makes it harder to forget with all these reminders. One thing I do know though is that beating this thing is do-able because I've read through so many diaries on here and the evidence is there in black and white. People do succeed in their battles and hopefully I will too.

On another point I AM FREEZING this morning. How cold is it today???????? And am I the only person still waiting for summer to arrive? Bye for now folks!

Gambling adverts and sponsorship will unfortunately be with us for the time being. There is nothing that we can do about it except to laugh at them and tell them that they are not going to take any more of our money.

Oh boy, no!

NT

HI Sandy,

Your right it can be done, people are doing it every day by just living in the day ! Today I will not gamble.

Keep posting, keep reading, keep making the right choice for your future happiness your doing just great .

Take care

Blondie x

Well I first logged on here on 4th September vowing never to gamble again and in that two months I have fallen six times! What the f is wrong with me? I say all the right things to myself and I vow it will never ever happen again. Then, without warning. I'm doing it again. Today I lost £180 and I am disgusted with myself once more. I've reached the point now where I have started thinking maybe I just can't beat it. Maybe it's live this way or suicide. Surely I am worth more than this. I sometimes think I'm addicted to the feeling I get after I've lost, more than the gambling itself. After I've done it I just pile all the insults on to myself that I can think of. You're a piece of sh**. You are a waste of oxygen. You are a disgusting, horrible b*****d, what else did you expect of yourself. This life is all you deserve......and so it goes on. It feels more familiar for me to hate myself than to love myself. So I need to work on my self-esteem. I need to love myself and tell myself that I DESERVE a better life. I must be worth more than this crazy existence. But how can I sustain this feeling? I am ok with it today, maybe tomorrow, but after a few days I slip into bad habits. Tomorrow I am going to start again. Well from tonight really. 1st November 2012. This time I must succeed. Please God don't let me fail again. I can't stand much more of this awful disease.

hey Sandy..

First thing ...its uncondtional..door swings both ways.funnily enough I was only thinking about your posts the other day ..

Just re read you last post on 26th...full of optimisim...i know dont feel that today BUT you can bounce back to that i promise.

You came back....thats all that matters..

If you can just try and not beat yourself up...the YOU you are imagining now is not the "YOU' I am imagining.

Take it easy tonight..be kind to you and tomorrow wake up and just come back on the path..

Sandy ,you say you have fallen six times ..well if my maths is still ok ..In two months..it could have been 60 times if you were betting daily....

PROGRESS not perfection Sandy...

try and rest that head if you can...and yes...you do deserve a better life as you said right from day 1

Hugs

R and D xx

guess we all felt what your feeling and more than a few times over here. some how we think placing that bet is gonna make all our dreams come true and it just takes em all away.

hi sandy i felt just how your feeling 3days ago im a waste of space dont deserve to live ive beat myself up so many time over the last 35 years felt sick more times than pregnant woman im still trying to understand why 3 days ago i felt so bad as ive been gambling free for 2 weeks so what the f happened on tuesday i dont know meant be a good Q to ask on my diarie you keep focused you r human it the habit thats the monster not u so get th t self esteem up and get some blocks and self barring in place they r a massive help best of luck andy

YIPPEE!!! Seven full days under my belt and I am feeling very pleased about it. I know I have a long way to go (as in the rest of my life) but when I look at the whole picture I have 'fallen' only six times since I first joined the forum in August. Still six times more than I wanted but God it is a massive step towards beating this thing. And my last 'fall' was one week yesterday so today is day eight and I feel strong and steady. I am more convinced than ever that my poor self-esteem leads me to fail (together with a bit of habitual behaviour) so I have been working hard on improving how I feel about myself and it seems to be helping. In my present state of mind I feel I can do it! I just need to watch out for my mood dropping as it is then that I am most vulnerable. I'm feeling so positive today! I'm going to read through some of the posts now and give my support. Together we are one. As individuals we are alone.