Okay,
I've never spoken openly about my gambling, neither have I ever really admitted it being a problem.
I was introduced to online poker ten years or so ago and enjoy playing poker, I do it with friends and online and never lose a huge amount, just 50 pounds or so a month. It is a leisure activity for me. A while ago though I started going onto the casino apps on these poker sites and found myself betting more and more. I would be playing poker for the first couple of hours just to get a bit of extra money then go straight to the slots or live roulette. What made this worse is I would then lie about how much I'm depositing to my partner. Normally it is only money we could 'technically' spare, but the mindset of 'we have this so I could gable it' is still very much ingrained in my mind.
A few months ago I gambled more than normal as we had more spare money than normal and was so ashamed in the morning. I felt depressed, stupid that I didn't stop at the right moment, ashamed that I had to admit to my partner that I had deposited around £800 of disposable income just on slots. She was supportive and we made some rules - I would be truthful if I ever deposited, the poker account with a casino link was de-activated.
Fast forward to last month and I won a lot in one month - cashing out around 4k - all with my original 50 buck deposit. Obviously this has then led to this month me thinking I am on a winning streak and ended up depositing 400 over the past two nights. Now only have I depostied money that should be earmarked for Christmas but I lied constantly about what I deposited last night, initieally saying I hadn't deposited at all, then saying it was just a hundred and now this morning admitting the full amount after my partner had seen the bank accounts.
She didn't speak to me today and is staying at a friends tonight. I really think I may have pushed her too far this time. And yet I still logged onto the poker site today and was contemplating reversing the cashout left on there - I didn't, thank fully - but the fact I was in that mindset proves I have an issue with gmbling.
I just hope she will forgive me, again, and I won't let her down again.
Hi there
I get the impression you are probably more responsible than many CGs on here, myself included (I'm basing this on limited data but including the fact you have told your partner and discussed boundaries). I was properly addicted for 12 years before I sought help and told anyone.
It seems like you have two broad options. Obviously you need to stop as it is deeply upsetting for your partner, of course there are probably many other reasons why you should stop but this is enough already.
You could get a very tight system of controls in place to prevent you from gambling (see numerous references to 'breaking the triangle'). This combined with your partner's monitoring could be enough to stop the gambling. Personally I think this is inadequate, certainly for 99% of gamblers on here. Your case situation of being more responsible and in less deep makes more of a case for this approach, but I still think you are missing out by choosing this option.
The other approach is to address why you have an addictive nature. This can seem daunting. But it is also a fantastic opportunity to learn more about yourself and self-improve. Addiction happens for a reason, it is a symptom of an underlying issue. This is fairly well established amongst psychs and people heavily involved in this field (although not always accepted on here).
Consider that your addiction is trying to tell you something - there's a question being posed to you. There can be a stigma to this second approach, but this stigma is all in our minds and is worth breaking through. The first approach cuts out the symptom without treating the cause. The first approach is definitely better than doing nothing.
Best wishes
Louis
Hi Louis,
Thanks for your comment.
Since that night I have downloaded k9 to block gambling sites and gave spoken to an online person on here to discuss my options.i am intrigued as to why I do have an addictive personality as it is like that with everything. I did have some counselling a while ago for a separate issue so I may see if I can get some more sessions, focusing on my gambling.
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