I'm a new member but long time gambling addict. I started gambling about 18 years ago when I 15 or maybe even earlier. It all started with the 5p a spin fruit machines in the arcades. I would spend countless hours in the arcades on family holidays trying to hit the £5 jackpots. Then when I was about 18 I got into poker - started playing for a fiver here and there with my mates then discovered that I could play poker online. I was working full time, living at home with my parents and paying no rent - yet by the time I started uni a year later I didn't have a penny to my name. I had a relapse while at uni where I ended up gambling away my student loan and having to ask my mum to bail me out.
Since then I have gambled on and off for about 15 years mainly on roulette / slots. If I had to put a number on it id say it must be cira £30k total losses. I would categorise myself as somewhat of a binge gambler. I can abstain for months at a time but always end up following the following cycle (taken from another post):
1. Gamble
2. Maybe win
3. Get greedy and try to win more
4. Lose
5. Chase
6. Lose big
7. Sulk
8. Eventually mentally delete the effect of the big loss
9. Gamble.................and so on.
Right now I am currently in the sulk phase. My partner went to her mums for a week and I took that opportunity to gamble (in hindsight obviously a clear trigger for me). By last night I was up £250 but by the time I was finished in the early hours of this morning I was down £750. Waking up feeling the usual guilt and self hate that follows such a loss.
I have always dreamed (like every compulsive gambler) of winning back everything I've ever lost and resetting the count but today I am looking at it a different way.
If I had actually stopped gambling a few years ago like I planned I'd probably be about £4-5k better off. So I am not looking at it as losing £30k but potentially gaining what I would lose over the rest of my life. Going forwards, every time I choose not to gamble is more money I have back in my life that I would have most likely lost.
Its time to stop the drain.
I will check back in soon.
Alex
Good luck with your Journey, we have all been through those phases and i like you thinking on not dwelling on what you have previously lost but what you will now save in money you would likely to lose if you hadn't started your journey.
Have you put all blocks in place.
*Gambling transactions with your bank.
* registering with gamstop and self excluding for 5 years
* downloading gamban to block sites on your devices.
I'm newbie too I'm on day 24. I've found the forums so so helpful, make sure you pop along in the chat rooms 1pm and 8pm daily for 1 hour. Very useful and supportive
I think the first step of admitting you’re situation is a good start, secretaddict above has some sound advice. It is indeed a journey and I hope one you continue on this site and hopefully in physical meetings as that also becomes a major barrier away from gambling i have found.
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