No looking back

Heading for a bath then bed so guess I can say day 1 gf done. Its been a tough day. Struggling with mental health badly and I've missed the escape gambling gives me. Tomorrow's another day.

Thoughts with you all Stace x

Thankyou bal. Hope your well x

Nearly 4am and I've not been able to sleep. Been in bed since 9.30 ?? 

Wide awake with only my thoughts for company. Tried coping techniques,  tried a warm drink, listened to relaxing sounds, even got up and tidied up abit. Still wide awake.! Kids will have me up in just over 3 hours ?

Its been so so hard not to gamble tonight, urges bad.

I absolutely hate how gamblings taken over years of my life. I hate how I use it to escape. I hate the person it turns me into. I don't get a buzz from gambling, I don't enjoy it, I don't do it to win...thats pointless anyway because anything won would just be gambled away. Its purely for escape, surely there's something out there that I haven't tried yet that will give me the same escape. Il keep searching. ???

Had a bad week and an absolutely terrible day, don't know whats next...cant even think straight

So 2 weeks gf, not sure how I've done it, with everything going on but I have. 

Today I managed to take the kids on a train to the shops 20 minutes away, and bought them all new trainers and socks (5 pairs of trainers??), also treated them to mcdonalds. They were really good and it was nice to be able to go shopping without having to constantly check bank balance or worse not having the money to get them the things they need. So its been a nice day.

I've not been on here much, as there's qlot going on in my life at the moment and I've not felt in the right heads pace but I'm doing OK gambling wise, I learn something from each relapse and it makes me just that bit stronger when I start again.

Take care all ?

Cracking stace, well done xxx

23 days gf ?

With meds and support, my mental health is also starting to improve, slowly but it is improving day by day

I knew it would stace xxx

Hi Stace, 

So many people in your corner, get ready for a long ramble,

Yesterday you asked me what works for me and helps me stay gamble free.

And it is a very fair and interesting question to ponder on and think about.

I  can sit and offer advice till the cows come home (as you are probably starting to realize, lol)

From my own continuing recovery i can tell you without the biggest single factor is mental energy.

Allow me to explain if you will, during previous attempts to quit gambling i have done it from a position of desperation and all the stress and depression that comes with it. (i know you will relate to that)

After many years and many attempts i have realized that being mentally drained , depressed and  anxious is not very conducive to doing anything positive.

So a decision was made consciously to try from a position of strength, and it went something like this 

1, my job pays me for working 37 hours /week, i am not paid to be stressed or take work home , or think long into the early hours about problems at work.

2, gambling was only fun for a few days out of the 35 +years ive gambled,it had no right to any part of my life previously , but thats done, it certainly has no right to be thought about in my life right now, and it goes without saying it will have none of my time in the future.

3, i have found relaxing and finding true peace is better than any gambling high (i sound like an old hippy , but its true none the less)

4, i have found any kind of decision most of all lifestyle and quitting gambling is impossible to consider and fight whilst, tired , depressed, mentally drained or whilst still having gambling thoughts.

My Plan of action was (and still is in this order)

1, get my mental health and well being back on an even keel ,

2, put all negative thoughts and worries out of my mind as often as possible to recharge my batteries.

3, once feeling strong quit gambling with help , support and positivity.

4, make major lifestyle changes.

The biggest part of any of this is realizing i am worth the effort, i deserve to relax and find peace within myself, and that this is for me and no one else.

So from afar working through what i know of you , you should without doubt firstly try to recharge your batteries, to do this take at least an hour a day out of your life and relax, do not let any thoughts or problems into your mind (can you really solve problems at 3 in the morning anyway ?).Make sure you eat and drink properly and the same goes for resting.

You will not notice anything overnight but you will gradually start to feel stronger and then you can realistically make plans and start to tackle addiction.

Be very proud of how truly strong you are, the people we think are strong will not admit to needing help and reassurance, but the people that are truly deep down strong are the ones that show they`re vulnerabilities, you influence and help so many people and you really dont see it , its time to turn the help support and inspiration you show to others to yourself, be selfish.

Be positive you can and i have absolutely no doubt will start to turn things round, dont think about gambling, or not gambling OR ANY OF THAT NEGATIVE STUFF WE USED TO THINK WERE IMPORTANT , spend the next few weeks thinking about you , relax , get sleep , start to get back the mental energy you have used that you should have saved for yourself. 

Then you can start to plan on quitting again.

You can do it Stace!!

I echo this stace, I beleive in the 12 steps (I've never done them) the first is to admit you are powerless to addiction...    In that case just give up trying to beat it..... Surrender wave the white flag give up trying to beat it and like lidssays get some well deserved rest ......  All the best Adam xxx

I'm sure its been about a week since I gambled. I've had so much going on that I've felt so overwhelmed. There's massive things going on within my family, and there's been some changes that I'm getting my head around slowly. 

This weekend I've felt myself and kids become closer, I've spent more time with them instead of gambling, and I've noticed the changed in them. They seem happier. Gambling really does affect family life so much,  sometimes we don't even realise it. My kids are my everything,  and I'm determined to get better for them. I have a long way to go with my mental health but I'm on the right path. I'm getting alot of support and once I'm stable enough I will be having psychological trauma therapy.

All I want is to be stable mentally and no longer feel the need to gamble. Gambling destroys so much, yet its the one thing I find some peace in when I need to escape my head, something I'm working hard on.

I was only going to focus on my mental health and family for abit before I worked on the no gambling but when I thought about it properly I realised that wouldn't work, as I would end up in debt, in trouble, lying to partner and so on and that would in turn affect me mentally. So I'm tackling everything at same time.

My head is like one big tangly mess currently. I'm starting to slowly untangle it by talking , accepting help but also writing it all down in a notebook. Its making more sense and easier to deal with when I see it written in front of me.

I've got a long road ahead of me. But it's a road I'm going to fight to stay on, for mine and my families future 

Stace

So very glad that you`ve posted

Congratulations you are on the right path and facing in the right direction.

``I'm starting to slowly untangle it by talking`` , Slowly starting is awesome, you are doing something very constructive.

You will get better, small steps slowly.

Don`t put pressure on yourself, just do your best.

I found peace sat at a machine for hours on end, and thought  that was the only place where i could feel that way, it isn't and never was but because of addiction i never sought peace in other areas of life.

Yours is not the only head that is one big tangly mess all the time ......but i have an excuse mine is because i am a man!!, lol

Take care Stace, so glad to see you post. 

Thankyou for your post lids, means alot ❤ 

DIARY

Not going to be posting much as I have alot to work on in my personal life which is hard going but each day I'm fighting and getting stronger. Happy to say I'm still gf, around 12ish days, had moments of really wanting the escape gambling gives but I've managed to stay strong. 

Great start xxx