No looking back

23 days gf ?

With meds and support, my mental health is also starting to improve, slowly but it is improving day by day

I knew it would stace xxx

Hi Stace, 

So many people in your corner, get ready for a long ramble,

Yesterday you asked me what works for me and helps me stay gamble free.

And it is a very fair and interesting question to ponder on and think about.

I  can sit and offer advice till the cows come home (as you are probably starting to realize, lol)

From my own continuing recovery i can tell you without the biggest single factor is mental energy.

Allow me to explain if you will, during previous attempts to quit gambling i have done it from a position of desperation and all the stress and depression that comes with it. (i know you will relate to that)

After many years and many attempts i have realized that being mentally drained , depressed and  anxious is not very conducive to doing anything positive.

So a decision was made consciously to try from a position of strength, and it went something like this 

1, my job pays me for working 37 hours /week, i am not paid to be stressed or take work home , or think long into the early hours about problems at work.

2, gambling was only fun for a few days out of the 35 +years ive gambled,it had no right to any part of my life previously , but thats done, it certainly has no right to be thought about in my life right now, and it goes without saying it will have none of my time in the future.

3, i have found relaxing and finding true peace is better than any gambling high (i sound like an old hippy , but its true none the less)

4, i have found any kind of decision most of all lifestyle and quitting gambling is impossible to consider and fight whilst, tired , depressed, mentally drained or whilst still having gambling thoughts.

My Plan of action was (and still is in this order)

1, get my mental health and well being back on an even keel ,

2, put all negative thoughts and worries out of my mind as often as possible to recharge my batteries.

3, once feeling strong quit gambling with help , support and positivity.

4, make major lifestyle changes.

The biggest part of any of this is realizing i am worth the effort, i deserve to relax and find peace within myself, and that this is for me and no one else.

So from afar working through what i know of you , you should without doubt firstly try to recharge your batteries, to do this take at least an hour a day out of your life and relax, do not let any thoughts or problems into your mind (can you really solve problems at 3 in the morning anyway ?).Make sure you eat and drink properly and the same goes for resting.

You will not notice anything overnight but you will gradually start to feel stronger and then you can realistically make plans and start to tackle addiction.

Be very proud of how truly strong you are, the people we think are strong will not admit to needing help and reassurance, but the people that are truly deep down strong are the ones that show they`re vulnerabilities, you influence and help so many people and you really dont see it , its time to turn the help support and inspiration you show to others to yourself, be selfish.

Be positive you can and i have absolutely no doubt will start to turn things round, dont think about gambling, or not gambling OR ANY OF THAT NEGATIVE STUFF WE USED TO THINK WERE IMPORTANT , spend the next few weeks thinking about you , relax , get sleep , start to get back the mental energy you have used that you should have saved for yourself. 

Then you can start to plan on quitting again.

You can do it Stace!!

I echo this stace, I beleive in the 12 steps (I've never done them) the first is to admit you are powerless to addiction...    In that case just give up trying to beat it..... Surrender wave the white flag give up trying to beat it and like lidssays get some well deserved rest ......  All the best Adam xxx

Hi

I asked myself if the recovery program was going to work for me if I was a non-religious person.

In time I got to understand that I was an emotionally vulnerable person who could heal in time once I gave up escaping to my addictions and my obsessions.

The addiction was just the symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Gambling did not control my life.

Gambling was where I use to escape to when I could not cope with how I felt within myself.

The Gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt myself.

The Gambling establishments never made me do anything I did not want to do.

The 12 steps recovery would not stop me gambling, that would eb my choice.

The 12 steps recovery would help me help myself become a much healthier person.

The 12 steps recovery would help me heal my pains.

The 12 steps recovery would help me face my fears.

For me complete surrender and acceptance helps me understand my addiction and obsessions were a form of self-abuse.

For me complete surrender that money was never going to heal my pains.

In my recovery live for today to exchange every unhealthy habits into healthy habits 

I no longer want be a loner, to no longer waste my time and energy on things that are were unhealthy for me today.

To being committed to writing down my needs each day.

To being committed to writing down my wants each day.

To being committed to writing down my growing goals each day.

To not live in the past yet to learn from it.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

I'm sure its been about a week since I gambled. I've had so much going on that I've felt so overwhelmed. There's massive things going on within my family, and there's been some changes that I'm getting my head around slowly. 

This weekend I've felt myself and kids become closer, I've spent more time with them instead of gambling, and I've noticed the changed in them. They seem happier. Gambling really does affect family life so much,  sometimes we don't even realise it. My kids are my everything,  and I'm determined to get better for them. I have a long way to go with my mental health but I'm on the right path. I'm getting alot of support and once I'm stable enough I will be having psychological trauma therapy.

All I want is to be stable mentally and no longer feel the need to gamble. Gambling destroys so much, yet its the one thing I find some peace in when I need to escape my head, something I'm working hard on.

I was only going to focus on my mental health and family for abit before I worked on the no gambling but when I thought about it properly I realised that wouldn't work, as I would end up in debt, in trouble, lying to partner and so on and that would in turn affect me mentally. So I'm tackling everything at same time.

My head is like one big tangly mess currently. I'm starting to slowly untangle it by talking , accepting help but also writing it all down in a notebook. Its making more sense and easier to deal with when I see it written in front of me.

I've got a long road ahead of me. But it's a road I'm going to fight to stay on, for mine and my families future 

Stace

So very glad that you`ve posted

Congratulations you are on the right path and facing in the right direction.

``I'm starting to slowly untangle it by talking`` , Slowly starting is awesome, you are doing something very constructive.

You will get better, small steps slowly.

Don`t put pressure on yourself, just do your best.

I found peace sat at a machine for hours on end, and thought  that was the only place where i could feel that way, it isn't and never was but because of addiction i never sought peace in other areas of life.

Yours is not the only head that is one big tangly mess all the time ......but i have an excuse mine is because i am a man!!, lol

Take care Stace, so glad to see you post. 

Thankyou for your post lids, means alot ❤ 

DIARY

Not going to be posting much as I have alot to work on in my personal life which is hard going but each day I'm fighting and getting stronger. Happy to say I'm still gf, around 12ish days, had moments of really wanting the escape gambling gives but I've managed to stay strong. 

Great start xxx

Day 19, I'm not keeping count personally as I've decided its too stressful, but it shows me when I log into gamcare.

I'm doing OK, no urges which is good. Art therapy going well. Mental health improving. Kids got 1 week left in school then there off for 7 weeks summer hols. Thinking of ways to fill the times, lots planned ?

Take care all.

Cant cope with this addiction any longer. How i wish I could turn back time. Its destroying everything. Why do I use it to escape. I hate my life 

@stace, 

Thank you for using the forum and I am sorry that you are feeling like this currently. 

Please make use of the services available to you should you need them. 

In the first instance, if you feel like you are unsafe please call the emergency services on 999.

You can also dial NHS 111 (option 2) to speak with the mental health crisis team. 

We are also available 24/7 via: 0808 8020 133 and via webchat here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/

Please reach out for support if needed. 

Ben

Forum Admin

Thanks forum admin, I'm ok ?

HUGE breakthrough in mine and my sisters recoveries. I was gambling using my sisters accounts, she let me, she was also gambling bad. Things happened in her life a couple days ago and I mentioned gamstop again to her. She was finally ready and signed up ??? I'm happy beyond belief. Now neither of us can gamble. We are on this journey together and I will support her every way I can.

Kids are on week 2 of summer holidays, I love having them home. We've already had some lovely days out. I'm much happier now that I have no way to gamble. Started uniform shopping x5, so expensive, glad I'm not wasting my money. My partner knows about my lapse, I was honest with him. My mental health meds are kicking in and I'm starting to feel happier.

Onwards and upwards for both, myself and my lovely sister.

?

It made my day coming on here and reading this.

Sounds like your sister quitting is the final piece in your own jigsaw to kick on.

Now you have no access to gambling and also the added extra of your sister and yourself helping each other, i can only see good things ahead.

To hear you say you are feeling much happier and your post on my own recovery diary made my weekend and was the icing on the cake for my personal milestone.

The very best of luck to you and your sis, and best wishes to all your family you`ve all had it hard,enjoy the time the school holidays bring, trust me they grow up so quick, before you know it they've flown the nest.

And at last i can say this again ``Youve got this!!`` (just dont pressure yourself)

One very happy and contented lids19635.

Ahh thanks lids.

Recovery going well for both myself and sister, its such a relief knowing I can no longer gamble. Mental health much better and I've signed up to slimming World. Went to the first one last night. I've neglected my body and self care so its now time to take care of it and find some me time for exercise and healthy eating. I'm halfway through buying the kids schools uniforms, not too much left to buy ?

Loving the kids being home from school, making memories. 

Hope everyone on here is ok and doing well.

Stace ?