No winners at all...

hi Garv, well done for coming here it is thr right place , i wish you well on your journey , you can read my diary and realize i have been on here a few months about 5 or 6 i think , keep limited cash on you give somebody your cards if you can to safe guard and self exclude from bookies aswell if you not allready done that , to be honest im back on here from a 2 day slip up so probably not in the best position to offer much advice mainly as i dont want to be a hypocrit , all the best though , i start afresh now , although normaly if i had of had a binge of gambling i would of spent much more than a 100 so the fact that i have stopped at that is movement in the right direction i suppose . A really good point you made saying when we gamble we loose all concept of money , you are spot on , when i gambled heavily a while ago i also lost the concept and value of money , and after stopping gambling [ until my slip ] it took along time to get the concept and value of money back, i did get this back though and still have it which is why i suppose i stopped myself this time at only wasting a 100, and by doing that i did not carryon to once again loose the concept of money, thankfully , you seem very sensible and with the right blocks in place i think you will beat this addiction , i also am very carefull with money and still to this day do not understand how i ended up here , but thepast is gone , one bit of advice i would give you is forget about all your losses , its gone and you must start afresh without that money and accept its gone , as if you can do that this will help you to move on not wanting to gamble losses back , and help you then to stay gamble free , my hardest thing was letting go of the thousands i lost , be strong we must do this . thanks simon , ps sorry to go on

Thanks Simon,

Your advice is much appreciated mate. I'm sure we're are all going to have blips at some point you just need to keep going, be strong and don't give up.

Take it day by day.

Self excluding from the bookies is a tough one but something i probably should do. I think I would just find it embarassing to do though, although ultimately its in my best interest.

I'll be sure to have a read of your diary. Its interesting to read how other people came to be in the same situation.

My approach is to take it one day at a time. I'm also going to try and be an active part of the forum. Today alone has been a huge help just talking to people and getting itit off my chest.

Nobody knows what I have been going through at all which makes it all the harder. My friends, girlfriend and family must wonder why I never have any spare cash. So im glad to have the opportunity to vent a bit.

Okay so things have not gone to plan. Yesterday I was up by 160 which I subsequently lost. It was a reverse withdrawal as well. I have spent this evening trying to recoup losses and am now down by 65. I just have no control.

Does anyone else have the same problem. My abstinence from gambling will start again tomorrow. Back to square one for me.

Its so hard this.

I really feel Im up against it.

Hi Garvonmon - Don't be too hard on yourself as we have all been there - chasing losses and losing all logical thought as we feed money into these dratted machines. But I would urge you to self-exclude from all your online gambling sites - not just for a short period, but permanently and close your accounts. Also install a blocking program such as K9 (it's free).

These barriers really help. As for the high street bookies, then you also have to face up to self-excluding. I know many on this site have done so - I can see that it's hard, but a necessary step. With these stops in place you can then concentrate on your recovery. Consider how much time you have wasted on this soul-destroying habit, apart from the money wasted, and think of all the things you could be doing instead.

When you read some of the stories here you will see how people have turned their lives around by not gambling. I recommend reading posts from James P for a start - he really is an inspiration to many. He writes quite a bit on the 'New Members' forum.

Next, come and join the '2014 Challenge' on the 'Overcoming problem gambling' page - it's a team effort led by Mr Brightside - we all support each other and it's really great. All the details are on page 1 of the thread.

You will also see that last week the Q & A session was with James P - great stuff.

Best wishes for the journey you are starting - I am sure you can do it.

Joanna

So Day 1 is going well so far. Ive tried to stay busy and sort out the flat and clean some of my guitars. Anything to just take my mind off gambling.

Thanks all for your comments so far, it means a lot to be able to have some support. I often feel that because no one knows about my problem I am suffering alone. This helps.

Joanna I'll be sure to join the challenge page you suggested it sounds great and a good way to build some community spirit.

Back to some more non gambling tasks.

Think my girlfriend will be very suspicious as to why the flats so clean at the moment, ha. Definitely got some catching up to do on that front.

Hi Garv - Nice to read a more positive post from you - Day 1 nearly over, and I hope many more to come. Keep strong.

Joanna

Okay. So as you can all tell I haven't been on here for a while. I managed to stop gaming completely for about a couple of months and it was amazing. Everything improved. My health, sleep , my relationships.

But after logging onto one of the sites I hit a relatively big win and from that point on started a downward spiral. In the past month alone I have probably blown around 500 or so. I have been terribly depressed and suffered panic attacks, I feel like I'm constantly sliding into a pit of despair.

But the real wake up call came last night. After hitting it lucky on a couple of slots and the roulette table I managed to get my bankroll to a whopping 1400. I have never won anything like it. But instead of being happy that is got very lucky I just didn't care. While I was playing they were just a load of numbers. Anyway I promised myself I'd withdraw at 1000 but I didnt. Then went to 600. Then started placing 300 spins on the roulette table to win it back and before you know it I was left with 0.83p in my account. Within the space of 40 minutes 1400 to 0.83p. The weirdest thing about the whole situation was how relieved I felt when I lost all the money. I didn't have to worry about it anymore. I have lots of debt and know that money would have helped me massively. But I just couldn't walk away. This is what has led me to realise that it's a fools game. I'm a fool and gambling in general is foolish. If you are completely unable to walk away when you've won, what's the point?! You may as well get a match and all your income and just light it on fire.

I'm someone that has never struggled with self control. Drink, smoking, whatever, I have in the past picked up then put down. The ONLY thing I have become addicted to is gambling. It has ruined my life.

I have self excluded from everywhere. I'm making it almost impossible for me to gamble. Let's hope it works.

Well. No gambling today. That's a good thing right?! All that's been going around my head last night is the 1400 I lost yesterday. Yes the majority of it was winnings, think I only deposited 50 but I lost ALL OF IT. Every single penny.

The amount I lost is just following me around ingrained in my every thought 1385. It's disgusting. How was I able to just disregard that sort of money and not withdraw it. Put it back on the table and lost it?! How? Because I'm greedy that's how.

I'm a compulsive gambler. I don't know when to stop and don't care what damage it causes. I'm an addict in need of help. It's ruined my life gambling. I never bet when I was growing up or even as a young adult. But it's lured me in. The bottom line is I will beat it. Yes its day one, but I will overcome this. Gambling is s**t everyone. Gambling is a load of b******t. That's my new mantra. Onwards and upwards

Let the money go. You only have control of your future good luck with your recovery

DAYS WITHOUT GAMBLING: 2

So Day two of no gambling! Here we go peeps. I'm determined to stop completely this time. Yes I'm in debt. But it's no more than the cost of a half decent second hand car. And my situation is only going to get worse if I keep going.

I'm phoning Gamcsre during my lunch break today to try and get some counselling sessions as well.

Let's hope I can keep this up. The only gamble I'll be doing today is whether to eat the curry at the dodgy canteen at work. That's okay right?

Garvonmon wrote:

The weirdest thing about the whole situation was how relieved I felt when I lost all the money.

I can totally relate to this! Show's that you aren't really in it for the money. No matter how big the win you'd keep on gambling. I won £10k once, decided to keep going and I wanted a bottle of Creed aftershave which cost £200 so thought, right, I'll get to £10,200 then cash out. Which I did. But then I invented another reason to start gambling, can't remember what it was but ended up losing taking me down to £9,500. In my eyes the aftershave just cost me £700. No way am I having that, I'll try get back to £10,200 and then cash out again or I'll go down to £9,000 and cash out. So ended up at £9k. Despite the fact I was massively up, my heart was beating as if I'd lost £1.2k. Anyway, you know the drill, the bets got bigger, the losses quicker and before you know it I had zero.

The relief was immense, I wasn't chasing any more, I wasn't looking for that next win. I was skint and devastated but relief. Wierd eh?

Hi Tears of a Clown,

Absolutely. Thanks for the reply, it's nice to know that it's not just me who goes through this. Your story is very similar to what I went through.

It's totally bizarre. It's almost like you're in a trance or a state of hypnosis where by things are happening around you but you're unable to properly compute what it is you're doing. Like if someone put 1k cash in front of you and said you can take it and walk away or double it with the flip of the coin, I'd definitely walk no doubt.

But when it's online and its a tiny balance figure in the top right hand corner of your browser window the money just doesn't sink in. It's not real. It's just a little number that goes up and down. Did you lose the whole 10k then? Have you managed to completely stop after that or did you keep going?

Wishing you all the best mate. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my whole life.

Yeah lost everything and more. I often think back and think why didn't I cash out but it's no good looking in the past. Just look forward, my future is without a doubt better without gambling.

I don't really like to talk about the sums of money I've gambled but thought this story gave perspective. When I first went to GA about 14 years ago I got a buzz hearing others winning stories, I'd come out of the meetings with my heart racing. So I find it irrelavant to some extent what you have won/lost in the past, the future is far more important.

Absolutely. I. Hear it time and time again that you have to let the money you could have cashed out go. I think this is what draws many people back, that feeling that you're owed something that was once yours. I'll take your advice and just try and keep forward looking.

I have a great job, a lovely girlfriend and an amazing family. I'm really lucky in so many ways. I just need to beat this addiction. And keep reminding myself of the good things in life. That's all.