Morning.
I suppose my issue is I am stopping out of necessity rather than actual desire. I really do enjoy the feeling of gambling. It’s the online slots that are the issue. I’ve had a cancer diagnosis with a very poor prognosis. Honestly I am struggling to want to spend any of my time not simply just doing the things I enjoy, even if they are ultimately harmful and I can recognise that fact. I do chase a big win and chase my losses too. A big win wouldn’t change my mortality but it sure as hell would give me a better quality of life. At the moment the debt is not so bad that it’s insurmountable so here I am trying to be sensible despite that childish side of me that wants to keep hitting the buttons  because it gives me hope for something I don’t have time or energy to attain otherwise - a financially comfortable life.Â
I do identify my habit with losing my mum and wanting security of some sort, wanting to be comfortable enough after everything that’s happened that I can just enjoy life. I’m too exhausted and decrepit now to work as hard as I’d need to to provide for myself the life that I’d like in however long I have left.Â
I’m interested in hearing people’s stories. I should know a lot better frankly than to have got myself in a fix. I have two degrees and was a mental health support worker for over a decade so I know how to practice good mental health hygiene but here I am nonetheless, daydreaming of an easier existence and hitting the slots every time I want hope and escapism.Â
Dear Kehnou,
Well done for starting your recovery journey here on the Forum.
You are not alone, many people need time to feel they are ready to make changes or indeed make changes when they are not 100% ready. Even considering changes or taking small incremental changes is a beneficial step. We acknowledge that it can be more difficult to stop gambling if you are still enjoying or gaining something from the ‘buzz’ and/or escapism feelings of gambling.
I am sorry to hear of your ongoing health issues and the loss of you mother. I can imagine that this could shift your thinking and contribute to reassessing your priorities. It can be tempting to take riskier behaviours when we are feeling stuck and dissatisfied. As you have insight into - understanding intellectually what to do mental health-wise is not the same as trying to moderate those actual thoughts, feelings and behaviours which is much more difficult. The good news is that you are likely to see the patterns and impacts and have a good vocabulary for describing what is happening and what type of support may be most helpful to you.
If based in the UK when you are ready you are welcome to call the National Gambling Helpline on 0808 8020 133 and discuss with an Advisor self-exclusion and other blocks. You may also wish to consider a referral for more ongoing recovery support.
You may also find options for bereavement support from Cruse on their website here: Home - Cruse Bereavement Support
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All the best
Louise
Forum Admin
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