Okay day 8 happy new year everyone still gamble free still have £6 in my account and a £200 shortfall that needs paying ... it can be sorted eventually it will be delt with the council will just have to wait.
Hi, again,
Glad to hear that you're gf but repeat advice of looking at the underlying issues and not just debts and finances.
re blockers, you can get parental blockers from your internet provider, best for someone else to set a password. Also you could ditch your smartphone (my husband won't carry one) in favour of a brick. Boring but safe.
BW,
CW
Cynical wife wrote:
Hi, again,
Glad to hear that you're gf but repeat advice of looking at the underlying issues and not just debts and finances.
re blockers, you can get parental blockers from your internet provider, best for someone else to set a password. Also you could ditch your smartphone (my husband won't carry one) in favour of a brick. Boring but safe.
BW,
CW
Hi cynical wife il have to look into the isp blocks the software way wont work for me.i have a android phone but had it disconnected socan only use it at home and I dont trust android gambling like pc gambling to much lag and pauses.
I think the underlying issue is mostly because im lonely I dont have many friends close by, my family are quiet and reserved aka boring people I have anxiety and I get scared and panicked when in large groups, I dont drink much and dont do drugs in a town full of drunks and drug addicts.im going to start next week going to gamblers anonymous in the nearest city to hopefully make friends and socialise a little and help me get out of the lows I feel myself in.as all ive been doing is work come home look after my boy whilst his mum goes out gamble when shes gone then go sleep if I can wake up repeat! Its just been an endless cycle.im good in a small group of 2 or 3 1 on 1 im a total loss I never know what to talk about and seem normal (ex drug enduced paranoid schizophrenic) so I dont feel comfortable in alot of situations, thats why with gambling I could be around people but not have to speak much and be as sociable or unsociable as I felt and be accepted as they could understand I was "focused" lol on a game that was already decided before pushing the button!
Ok so day 9 I think? Il check it later!
So was a tough one had 600quid in my account for rent an oh boy did I get the urge! I have isp block but alas found myself sat on the online casino finger hovering over the deposit button I managed to bypass even their blocks! It was mental I was physically sweating trying not to do it.so much emotion so many contradicting thoughts I can double this it will help massively but then if I lose it then were going to be kicked out but im good I got a strategy but you SUUUUUCK whilst I was sat here pondering I had a glimmer of chance as the mrs lay asleep beside me I looked at how safe and peaceful she looked and that is down to me and thought you know what shes safe and asleep my little boys fast asleep and they know I love them! Quick as a flash loaded the bank account up and made full £600 payment to the landlord im back to £6 in my account again but I know were safe for another month with rent! No diesel to get to work in deep shiznet with council tax and car tax but we got food we got heat we got electric and we have a roof over our heads for now!What can I say this was one hell of a test on my part which I passed not with flying colours but scrapped through.my numbers were there they kept coming in and id of won alot of money but it could of gone the otherway so im happy I got my act together and priorities straight a little gutted from the fact all my main money numbers were dropping in id of turned that 600 into about 12,000-13,000 in the space of 5 mins but they would of tried avoiding my numbers they usually did after a while when used to go on.id have silly money betted when I was flush and winning 75-140 on certain numbers.im sat watching super casino on tv and my stomach is churning seeing alot of my favs coming out and pretty close at predicting too lol I am really really pathetic how f*****g sad has my life become I cant sleep I look ill im awake at 3:35am watching roulette on tv ive got £6 to my name!
Im gunna go get a bottle of drink load up the kodi app on my laptop and watch a film or something this shytes depressing!!!
Okay I got to stop being this way face it I f****d things up in the past gambling didnt solve everything it kept things together for a while but pshhh means fek all! Im walking away whilst im still above water treading water but still above im not leaving down to badly last year was a good ish year with winnings this year I dont need the stresses the anguish the hurt the pain the arguements the s***e I put the mrs through month by month strung along on a whim of possiblity cutting the financial side so tight it pretty much choked me every f*****g month!!! DO NOT GAMBLE THIS YEAR MARKIE!!!! Win or lose it still ate you up inside everytime!!! If you lost youd be scared you wouldnt pay the bills and if you won it was almost like you hated yourself andfelt like you didnt deserve winning So WHAT THE f**k!!! Steer clear STOP IT JUST STOP....
Not gone mental just figured id give myself abit of advice lol something to look back on an re read
Keep fighting Markie. In regards to this missing money....could she be gambling too? Just a thought. New year new you....:-)
Lady h wrote:
Keep fighting Markie. In regards to this missing money....could she be gambling too? Just a thought. New year new you....:-)
hi lady h, she did try it a few times but she would put 10 in and run with 11 lol on some aspects I kinda would of liked it to be gambling (my selfish side speaking) I could justify it easier.the reality of her spending is down to a shopping and takeaway/fastfood addiction.she had 4 or 5 shopping apps on her phone and would also go out 4 times a week shopping and have to have a "bite to eat" whilst out everytime.it wouldnt be so bad but no job no income and spending roughly 100-150 per week.i know cynical wife said it was just me finding an excuse but in all honesty when trying to clear an extra 300 on bills still have a bit to reward myself for working my b**t off and then trying to clear her card (which she spent every single time ) 250-500 I was giving her that was miraculously vanishing I can honestly hands on heart say I am a gambling addict but she is to blame also.my gambling has always been there ever since I was a child and ive always felt socially awkward and didnt have to interact with other kids much so never really built up confidence or proper social skills, my underlaying issues are loneliness issues with my mum and dad divorcing when I was a kid and behaviour from that the fact he died and I never gotten over it an we had a miscarriage last year which messed my head up too.
Hi,
Gambling's not a way to make a living. If you were to grit your teeth and compare what you actually spent on betting with what you "won" (otherwise known as "the temporary return of a bit of your money"), there's a net outflow. Hence your debts. Partly because the house always has the advantage, partly because CGs can't win because they can't stop. It is perverted logic to gamble to recover (over)spending, the reality is that the conclusion ("needing" to gamble) comes before the reason (a perceived need for money).
You're wife's overspending isn't solved by you gambling. You could try setting a budget together? Otherwise, encourage her to address her own problems in the same sort of way as we f&f have to state truth as we see it. Do a budget and tell her that the car insurance and council tax take priority over treats. Including playing type treats.
KOKO, BW,
CW
Okay day 10, 1st day back to work today still have my £6 lol! Feeling positive but nervous the guys will take the mick and try and get me back in the bookies going to have to be strong I want to do this for my family and myself! Lack of sleep for 3 weeks is a bit c**P but tis what it tis.just need to get focusing on whats important and thats not for just now but for our future and little boys future too! Im pretty sure he wont want to see his dad all miserable and low self esteem as he grows up, its not fair on him this is his childhood and I want it to be the best it can be for him and us 🙂 have a good day ya'll
Maybe tell the guys you gave to put your kid first...might shock them.
Day 10/11 il check.
Well I told the guys at work and they were all okay with it and asking about the ga meetings and stuff.im finding it difficult at the moment the less I gamble the more debt I seem to attract.had bank charges come out today from my account so now im 25 in debt on that account the joint account took the £6 over draft fee the same day as I payed rent so put me in debt by 91p but will be facing charges of about 52quid for both accounts ffs why cant I seem to keep afloat.at present im £387.91p in debt with more charges to come.and thats before paying this months bills last months council tax 2 lots of water rates and 3 months of car tax.
Am I just trying to justify my addiction because I get payed again tomorrow? and guess I think I can gamble my way out been doing it for so long now I just dont know anymore? With no gambling this month moneys going to be tighter then an otters pocket and I know I still wont scrape through, just feel lost and very frickin confused with the whole situation! Is it the addiction talking and fighting back I dont know whats me and whats the addiction we are one and the same but 2 totally different entities!
markie_b wrote:
Day 10/11 il check.
Well I told the guys at work and they were all okay with it and asking about the ga meetings and stuff.im finding it difficult at the moment the less I gamble the more debt I seem to attract.had bank charges come out today from my account so now im 25 in debt on that account the joint account took the £6 over draft fee the same day as I payed rent so put me in debt by 91p but will be facing charges of about 52quid for both accounts ffs why cant I seem to keep afloat.at present im £387.91p in debt with more charges to come.and thats before paying this months bills last months council tax 2 lots of water rates and 3 months of car tax.
Am I just trying to justify my addiction because I get payed again tomorrow? and guess I think I can gamble my way out been doing it for so long now I just dont know anymore? With no gambling this month moneys going to be tighter then an otters pocket and I know I still wont scrape through, just feel lost and very frickin confused with the whole situation! Is it the addiction talking and fighting back I dont know whats me and whats the addiction we are one and the same but 2 totally different entities!
It's you and nothing or no one else attempting to justify what you know you are likely to do tomorrow.
Stop kidding yourself on, if you want to stop - you have to realise gambling is never going to be a solution and is totally over.
Take responsibility you are the problem and the solution.
Drop the bank a line and explain how much their charges are going to hurt you. I suspect the might waive their fees just this once.
Ok it's going to be a tough time once you get paid, but every day you don't gamble will get you a step closer to being flush and a step further away from this nonsense.
The decision is yours, only you have the power to make the change.
Sbb
Day 12 gamble free
Well been paid and tried looking further into what we owe and i got it wrong instead of 1300 its 1501.grrr ive not gambled and doing what I can to sort everything out my wages have gone straight into the joint account we have a total of £25 from a gift voucher for food and milk untill next payday so could be interesting. Ah an the mrs has decided that she wants to throw a girly night this weekend HAAAA yup that food and drinks and 50 shades of grey and already invited everyone to come around ahh yeah and she wants to do shot games aswell .... she told me this straight after I explained to her we ARE BROKE! I need to find £466 extra just to make it through until next month her reply was its fine hunny we always find a way my reply back was NO WE f*****g DONT FIND A WAY I GAMBLED TO FIND THE f*****g WAY! Feel like im talking to a brick wall I also feel like just standing alone in a feild and screaming in the rain so noone can hear me or see my tears!
I was even sat on the floor when she told me about her little party an I cried ... physically cried so she walked off into the kitchen an just said its okay we always find a way.
Hi, Markie,
Thanks vm for your post, a few real nuggets in there, especially about being competitive. When we make the effort to do the "us" time, it's fine, it's when we rush round doing our own thing that communication degenerates. His addiction totally imbalanced the relationship, not a criticism but a statement of an inevitable consequence and we had to pretty much start again from scratch. But whereas it would be impossible if he was still active and in denial, we do have something to build on now. Even if we have a long way to go.
Read your post above and would suggest the broken record / dripping tap approach ie keep repeating that you're broke, that you've realised that the gambling costs and doesn't pay, that you can't afford it etc. I'm very middle aged and staid and girly parties with shot competitions were never my thing even in my non-wild days but objectively, there's no money for it and young kids about, she wants to go ahead anyway and she's said before that she "has to drink because of you". Would you consider looking at the twenty questions on the Al-Anon website?
Would also repeat advice to get external support for yourself via counselling and GA. And possibly Al-Anon? Doing this states the existence of real problems instead of reinforcing denial.
It may be that your work mates also have problems if the van can't or doesn't want to stay away from the bookies. But it's about what you do and the choices that you make. You can't be responsible for what they do but you don't have to join in.
Wish you well,
CW
markie_b wrote:
Day 12 gamble free
Well been paid and tried looking further into what we owe and i got it wrong instead of 1300 its 1501.grrr ive not gambled and doing what I can to sort everything out my wages have gone straight into the joint account we have a total of £25 from a gift voucher for food and milk untill next payday so could be interesting. Ah an the mrs has decided that she wants to throw a girly night this weekend HAAAA yup that food and drinks and 50 shades of grey and already invited everyone to come around ahh yeah and she wants to do shot games aswell .... she told me this straight after I explained to her we ARE BROKE! I need to find £466 extra just to make it through until next month her reply was its fine hunny we always find a way my reply back was NO WE f*****g DONT FIND A WAY I GAMBLED TO FIND THE f*****g WAY! Feel like im talking to a brick wall I also feel like just standing alone in a feild and screaming in the rain so noone can hear me or see my tears!
I was even sat on the floor when she told me about her little party an I cried ... physically cried so she walked off into the kitchen an just said its okay we always find a way.
Who can afford to throw a part the week after Christmas and New Year ? - Not many.
Its going to be an interesting one without any money - That has to be your stance.
'There is no money, and i am not gambling for it'.
Does she understand how tight money is ?, as if she does and still wishes to throw parties you need to put your foot down as to be honest, she appears to be making a mug of you!
Come on - Having to live off a gift voucher, but throwing a party - something doesnt add up !
Sbb
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