okay where to begin ...

Skyblueblue wrote:

[quote=markie_b]

Day 12 gamble free

Well been paid and tried looking further into what we owe and i got it wrong instead of 1300 its 1501.grrr ive not gambled and doing what I can to sort everything out my wages have gone straight into the joint account we have a total of £25 from a gift voucher for food and milk untill next payday so could be interesting. Ah an the mrs has decided that she wants to throw a girly night this weekend HAAAA yup that food and drinks and 50 shades of grey and already invited everyone to come around ahh yeah and she wants to do shot games aswell .... she told me this straight after I explained to her we ARE BROKE! I need to find £466 extra just to make it through until next month her reply was its fine hunny we always find a way my reply back was NO WE f*****g DONT FIND A WAY I GAMBLED TO FIND THE f*****g WAY! Feel like im talking to a brick wall I also feel like just standing alone in a feild and screaming in the rain so noone can hear me or see my tears!

I was even sat on the floor when she told me about her little party an I cried ... physically cried so she walked off into the kitchen an just said its okay we always find a way.

Who can afford to throw a part the week after Christmas and New Year ? - Not many.

Its going to be an interesting one without any money - That has to be your stance.

'There is no money, and i am not gambling for it'.

Does she understand how tight money is ?, as if she does and still wishes to throw parties you need to put your foot down as to be honest, she appears to be making a mug of you!

Come on - Having to live off a gift voucher, but throwing a party - something doesnt add up !

Sbb

Well something turned up after all so she can have this party, shes arranged for little one to go to my mums and then borrowed a bail out from her mum of £1000! Im very old fashioned and dont do borrowing money from people but alas got home an shes chuffed as punch the outstanding bills were payed she put 400 onto her credit card put the spare 300 into the joint account to cover some other bills coming out.and kept back enough in her account 95 including overdraft to cover any surprise o/d charges.like I said this months covered now what about next month ..... an the month after ect ect cant keep loaning money. And the borrowed money has to be payed back who will be the one who has to pay it back ..... me lol its un f******g real it really is! First thing she done when she had the 95 left was try to go shopping but her card number is erased off her top shopping sites lol yep she couldnt shop an I still have her cards 😉 tomorrow's sat ive still not gambled and now she cant shop without me knowing until monday lol.

Addiction has many guises.
Gambaling
Drinking
Drug's
Shopping
Eating to name a few.
Sounds to me like you're not the only one in your house suffering from an addiction?
If she's putting to much financial pressure on you. I think you should consider cutting up her card's. Or reporting them lost and scratching the cvv code from the reverse then she can only shop when you enter the 3 digits.
Might be worth a shot?

Hey I know where you're coming from with the pressure of spending, especially when you are trying to take stock of the situation and your other half is still overspending, seemingly on non-essencial things. But its a weird sinario, when you feel guilty for wasting money at gambling, you still feel real resentment to others for increasing the financial pressure on yourself, even though they believe that it's perfectly acceptable. I think it's to do with the way the mind of the CG works; in a perfect world there should be anough money for everything, but once you add gambling to the aquation - everything changes, And because others do not think on the same wave-lengths you feel that you are fighting a losing battle.

changemylife wrote:

Hey I know where you're coming from with the pressure of spending, especially when you are trying to take stock of the situation and your other half is still overspending, seemingly on non-essencial things. But its a weird sinario, when you feel guilty for wasting money at gambling, you still feel real resentment to others for increasing the financial pressure on yourself, even though they believe that it's perfectly acceptable. I think it's to do with the way the mind of the CG works; in a perfect world there should be anough money for everything, but once you add gambling to the aquation - everything changes, And because others do not think on the same wave-lengths you feel that you are fighting a losing battle.

Yeah kinda seems that way she seems happy to go off spending its now girly night 1 friend turned up and thats cost us 70quid for 1 friend ffs lol I joined her as she was complaining about not having shot drinks for the shot game .... 20quid on tequila then and half a pouch of tobacco! When I came back with tequila and tobacco she pulled me to one side an said how much was that? You didnt get it off the joint card did you I said yep why not spent 70quid on c**P figured whats another 20 an she looked all seriius and concerned and said well I hope theres enough to pay the bills ...... the f*****g bills lmao ahhh shes nuttier than a squirrels t**d.shes no concept of what she spends but if I spend 20 for us not just her im in the wrong pshhh yeah right what a head f*k

Oh dear....it's hard enough to deal with your gambling but to have a partner who is spending willy nilly is going to hamper your efforts. Maybe try writing it all down so she can actually visualise what's happening. But then again who am I to tell you, I haven't even told my partner about my multiple relapses. Main thing is your going right direction. She's used to shopping, you were co-dependants in a way. Fingers crossed you will win your battle 🙂

Thanks lady h 🙂 she even admits that because the money was good she doesnt want me to stop but said its her selfish side speaking and will support me 100%

Day 19 gamble free

Attanded gamblers anonymous last night and really am in 2 minds about going again, everyone had their say when I built the courage up to speak I began and was cut off by the treasurer and he said you can have your say when we share for now just listen ... umm yeah okay so im socially anxious nervous dont play well with others mentally alone and have always struggled to make freinds it took every ounce of my being to walk in there and to build up to talk just to be shot down but yeah il wait! He spoke abit more then it got to share time it went around the group then got to me and ya know what he f*****g cut me off again and said well your new so you will get a chance to speak next week NEXT f#@KING WEEK.then they began some weird god prayer and the meeting was over.i am not religious ive more faith that there are aliens then god even santa has a better shot of being real in my eyes (not attempting to dis anyone else's religious views).I took the literature home and read it then passed it to the mrs who then read it and even she said wow theyre quite heavy on pushing this higher power arnt they and she is Christian.so after being shot down in the meeting 2x (worst venue ever top of the hill there is 4 bookies) being talked at, not too!being told the only way il ever become gamble free is to trust in a higher power oh and next time il be able to talk in the group im really not convinced that gamblers anonymous is going to be my cup of tea.

whats your thoughts on it?abit of input would be nice.

I'm very very surprised actually! Maybe not that you were asked to wait for the shares but that you were cut off & told to wait for next week when they got to them 🙁 Maybe someone way further into the program than I can shed more light on this but the rooms I have been to, although there is no expectation on a new person to talk, they are certainly encouraged & given the opportunity to. The reference to God is 'God of your understanding' & doesn't need to be taken literally so don't sweat the religious angle & don't let it be an excuse to give up. I'm not convinced someone who doesn't want you to stop gambling is a particularly good judge of the literature & would say I've read the orange book umpteen times but each time I look @ it with fresh eyes, it's like a new edition with stuff I've never 'seen' before. GA will not make you stop gambling. You have to work the program to do that & the more you try & justify what an awesome gambler you used to be the harder that is going to be! If you can accept that it has not enriched your life like you think it has the the more likely you are to make sense of it. My thoughts...You want a shot @ talking, get back next week & have a say, then keep going back. Give it 90 days of commitment!

The local group to me (at least at the open meeting) go round the room to introduce themselves and then the chair asks for an existing member to volunteer to buddy the new member for the first week. I've also seen some fairly intensive discussions at the door to the street, where regular members are encouraging new members and a lot of support takes place before and after the actual meeting. The support and fellowship is definitely there. Also, members take it in turns to chair, the literature is at pains to point out that there are no self appointed leaders and members who do chair or act as treasurer are but trusted servants.

The HP is a scary thought, especially if the worst concepts of religious dogma get dragged into it. Actually the idea of a HP is to do with external control. In active addiction, everything revolves round the addict and what the addict is doing, the whole gambling / drinking / using regardless of anything or anyone else becomes pretty selfish and ego-centred. If your life is unmanageable and you can't control the gambling / drinking / using, (in fact you can't control anything beyond your own actions), then the HP is simply a device that does have control whereas the addict doesn't. Some members think that the group itself is the HP. Put another way, newcomers to AA meetings in Christian America were told bluntly that there is a God and it wasn't them. I expect if you talk to the other GA members, most of them will have started out as being overwhelmed and sceptical.

Be assured that religion and religious dogma is simply a distraction. GA is not a religious organisation and discussions of religious beliefs are discouraged. There are references to the God of your understanding but the HP is not a Christian God. There are also references to spirituality but again, this has got nothing to do with religion, for some it may overlap but it doesn't have to. If you think about it, there's nothing spiritual about the selling of Christmas cards in October or the frantic crush in the shops on 24 December or overindulging on enormous chocolate eggs, all of which are done in the name of religion.

It's not going to take much to put you off at the moment and your wife has her own issues and is probably not on side. Echo ODAAT, stick with it, best of all find a second meeting as well, they're not all run in the same way. The GA program works if you work it but long term.

BW,

CW

At least give it a month before you decide to not go again. Gamblers or not, you are going to get rude people like that but dont let it stop you in YOUR recovery. Put yourself first, not them. I went to manchester on a course around a month ago and so i went to a GA meeting in the city centre. What they told me was very surprising. According to them they worked out 95% of newcomers dont come back after the first meeting. A shocking number of people who need urgent help. It upsets me to see when people dont return. As to say, give it a month and then decide. But everyones recovery is different.

You can do this mate.

Dan

Thanks for the replies guys very much appreciated.

I decided im going for another week and see if its any different, the groups pretty small and the next nearest group is in plymouth uuuh about 70 miles away.i could relate to what several of them where saying and thats where I felt comfortable to be able to talk.maybe because it was the start of the 12 step program or a bad night who knows?but il give it another shot maybe if they see me turn up again it will show that im willing to invest my time so maybe they will invest their time in me.the Internet group here is awsome but then I need to step up and go against my fears and be sociable fight whatever im feeling and do the opposite.i want to escape I want to be alone and I want to gamble but on that reasoning I need to not be alone I need to face myself and i need to not gamble. 2 things im good at 1st is P*****g people off 2nd is being self destructive an its gotta change.

Okay sat the 14th jan

Well so far the mrs has been trying to cause an arguement with the little one and myself all day .... she also wants to buy a trike multi ride on thingy thats only £45 and she went out drinking last night! Im pretty much at my whits end with it all she keeps saying well its only a tenner or only 20quid ... grrr im struggling to keep our heads above water as it is let alone all her needs and demands.ive £60 ive not told her about as I want to save and buy myself a few bits of copper for a project im starting I know if I told her she would be on it like sonic and shop shop shop because hey I have £60 so I can cover the costs.im here because I have a really huge urge to gamble I feel as if I can turn a tenner to a couple hundred or couple thousand then problems solved for another month! But thats the old method of living its unsustainable this new hobby is a new me even as im writtig this I can feel the urges release their grip my chests loosening up and my focus is becoming back to neutral.my new hobby will cost a little about £150 in total to start with for parts and first go.after its built and im fully fledged into it its jsut materials that will cost about 30-40 quid per time which will be good.as I could do that per week/fortnight.

Think its day 22 so far gamble free its a toughie but getting there today! I didn't gamble yesterday so I dont need to today!

Well every inch of my being was saying dont tell her about the £60 the urge came back and I decided to tell her about the money ive got and I was tempted to gamble.so ive gone and brought 5 pouches of golden virginia that solves that issue lol thats a couple weeks I can smoke without running out 🙂 and im conscience free moneys gone no more urges waheyyy okay I know it stalls my hobby a little but .. I need a blow torch and find my dremel or buy another multi tool from lidls next sunday for£17 and then get copper end caps ect to do my project anyways so gives me another week breathing space atleast.

Markie. I can see how much you are trying to change for the better. You was brave and honest to come clean about the £60 cash that you had which you couldn't really trust yourself with not to use for gambling. But you seem to be fighting a battle of trust and accountable actions with your OH, which is very common in relationships, particually when there are dependants to care for and loads of other things that need to be paid for.

It is good that you have thought about starting a new project which could provide an ideal new focus instead of the gambling, and may be profitable for you in time. But obviously you may need to invest a little in order to make it happen and justify the expense, at a time when money is tight and there is financial pressure for your family. Looking forward I hope that you can both work together to create stability and trust, by supporting each others needs, then gradually you will find the urge to gamble will dissipate.

Second week at gamblers anonymous im 26 days gamble free

This week went alot better, I managed to talk this time and shiiiit I almost passed out it was a whirl wind in my head I went dizzy my eyes felt like they were shaking frantically my chest went tighter then a ducks a**e.it felt good but I don't think many understood.im a compulsive gambler with an addictive personality Im not in debt with gambling but could go down that route really easy if I dont stop myself now! I lost and struggled a fair amount but always managed to scrape through or fly through. it was always one extreme or the other.im missing the money at the moment, its coming up my fiencees birthday and valentines day straight after.in my mind its saying go on just another gamble see us through we can do this we can buy her nice things for her birthday and valentines just one win is all it will take :-O wow I joined the fellowship and can empathise with shmeagle from lord of the rings MY PRECIOUS lol.my hearts saying nooo dont do it I could pick her upma bunch of flowers and she would be happy.

How are you getting on?

CW

PS. re LotR, does it really take nine hours to sort out a single ring?