One day at a time

Thanks for your comments Emily and Jess - obviously not in a good place right now but ironically being on here is a good place!!

Hi sonic,

It is so tempting at times to test those waters, especially when we have not been there for a while, but the result is always the same, we cannot win because we cannot stop,

Recovery is all about learning about ourselves, and you did come away with 50 so that is very positive, you could have lost that and chased and chased.

Suzanne xx

Thanks for posting Suzanne. I refused to walk away with nothing. Its not much comfort that I still had 50 quid but guess its better in my wallet than in that machine. I was advised to walk when I clawed my money back (by a random guy was was watching) said to him afterwards 'wish you'd dragged me off mate' he was saying the longer you play the less likely you will win and that walking away is the hardest part. SO SO TRUE!!!

Also learnt today (although to be fair I already knew) that after spending 75 quid i HMV thinking how pleased I would be to win that money then it would be a buzz getting all those cd's and dvds for free. Need to take more responsibilty and appreciate that nothing comes for free and also that its good to spend my hard earned cash on things. I dont need to win money to justify splashing out on ghings.

Hi Sonic,

It's soo true, if only we could walk away after that quick win( it comes early) so you will bet it all back and then chase that one win by depositing loads, well done and Thankyou for reminding me.

I wish you a very merry gambling free Xmas and new year.

Take care stay safe and keep starving it, it hates that.

Suzanne xx

Thanks ladies. Means a lot that your by my side on this. I'll be stronger after todays episode. Its opened my eyes for sure

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
For you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, 'cause believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef lingers
No more drama from now on, I promise

Just a quick footnote.... logged into my remaining online betting account when I got home and withdrew 75 quid. Id kept it in there after a smallish win over the weekend from the footie. When it hits my bank account then im logging back in and self excluding.

THIS TIME IM NOT OPENING ANOTHER WITH ANY REMAINING BOOKMAKERS!!

I honestly think I would find things easier if I didnt have over 7 grand of debt around my neck. Its just a constant reminder of how stupid ive been. But it is what it is and my target is still to be debt free by the time the 2016 olympics starts. I just dont earn enough to be debt free by the end of 2015.

So my target is mid 2016 with a gamble free 2015.

Need to keep reminding myself gambling is only gonna prolong my debts, I cant gamble my way out of them thats for sure

7 months sonic is something myself at the moment can only dream of!!! I only managed 2 pathetic days, those machines are the devils work. But I m sure you will become stronger from this glitch.

Hi Mark,

Hey dont knock your two days. You're 'ahead' of me!!

Well...didnt sleep too well last night but was prob to be expected.

Im saying to myself that yesterday was worth it if it gives me that kick up the backside required to remind me that gambling just isnt for me.

18 years of it and got no positives from it all all. I dont want to wallow in self pity so wont winge too much.

Today is day 1 again, been here many many times.

Just glad that earlier this year something clicked and I finally realised I had to google Gamcare. Still remember being passed a leaflet my a lovely woman who worked for a bookies i used to go to. This must have been about 2008 maybe but I thought I knew better back then.

Now i know theres really no point in me gambling as when i lose i chase and when i win i cant stop.

Ok, so I read on someones thread on here (sorry I cant recall whos) to invest in a book by Allen Carr called easy way to stop gambling. Although it wasnt in stock at a book store in Bradford city centre the kind lady who I asked is going to order it for me. Might be the best 10 quid ive ever invested!. Should be available for me early January. They will txt me when it arrives :o)

Obviously Monday didnt teach me anything.

So thats another 210 quid down the drain

This time its money I cant really afford to lose.

Looks like im really gonna struggle until next payday.

Cant believe another xmas is ruined. 750 quid lost over 3 days.. What was I thinking!!

Hi Sonic,

Sorry to read you are chasing, but if at first second or whatever, we don't succeed, we try again, and you are trying, I know it's not good Xmas Eve, sending you best wishes, with strength and a cuddle (((( sonic)))) ,

Here's to the new year, you can do this

Take care

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne. I need to get my head straight. Im sure I will be fine and this is just a bump in the road.

Hi Emily

Thanks for your continued support it means a lot that you and others can relate.

They will be no more chasing as I just dont have the funds to even try.

Will be 5 weeks till payday and i know that they will be no gambling between now and then.

This gives me very important breathing space and my head will be in a much better place down the line.

I need to just get back on track, I know i can do it as I went 7 months without touching a FOBT.

The last few days have just proved that I cant play them as I cant stop once I start.

Hope you and your family have the best xmas ever and we both have a great stressfree 2015. We both deserve to jump off this rollercoaster of being a compulsive gambler thats for sure!

Dunno bout you but im aiming for a nice relaxing boat ride next year lol