One last attempt

Well done SRL1.

You have made a real effort to stop gambling. Very difficult to have a bet with those hurdles in place.

Day 2

Thanks guys! Definitely feel more relief than anything that there is no immediate way of me gambling which should help resist the urge when payday comes around

Would have to now travel 15 miles to gamble which, when you don't drive, a very unappealing thought

It's strange because yesterday I walked past the bookies I normally get dragged into by some force controlling my body, but yesterday I didn't even think about oh what if I go in because I knew I physically couldn't! I also tried the software on my computer and even typing the word bet in to my search bar restricts my computer, so have to resist the urges to find something if I want to use Internet regularly

Going to enjoy sitting down and watching football over the next coming weeks with no other pressure on the result, just enjoying the football played

For today, I will not gamble

Well done srl1 it is the only way forward. If you cant gamble then you will realise it is a habit that can be broken. Going to be a tough few weeks...stick in and you will a new person with a peace of mind money cannot buy.

Day 3

Third day in, still going strong. Keep getting all these feelings surrounding gambling but now there is physically nothing I can do it's a weird mindset. Like I can now walk to the shops normally without worrying about having to keep away from the bookies which is good. Also I have kept leaving my wallet home because I know if I have no access to money then definitely there is no way I can gamble.

I think I have always had the gambling personality or the 'all or nothing' personality. I started to think where it all first started, which I was thinking about when I was on the slots and machines and accumulators, but even going back before then I would spend money on scratchcards when I turnt 16 and lottery and I guess that is really the foundations, with it just getting worse in time.

My first real memory of gambling came through pain I guess, I was on holiday with my at the time girlfriend and we were on a meal. Whilst I was waiting I popped over to the fruity to have a go and won a few euros, it was nice. She then turned to me and said promise you'll never gamble again and just off the cheek I said of course thinking it wasn't a problem. I would then move to University a month later and that is where the pressure of gambling really hyped up, with everyone seeming to do it. I held off for a little but couldn't help it, as I would be going town with the boys on a saturday and ended up putting an accumulator on, then out in the evening with the fruitys. At the time it was innocent, or so I thought, and little did I know it would inevitably be part of the reason as to why we broke up a year and a bit later.

Anyone who has been to uni will know the difficults with money, and gambling seems to be that one area in which we could get a little bit of extra cash, but little did I know it would turn into such a problem, especially after the break up. But that's for another day

For today, I will not gamble xx

Day 4 and Day 5

Still going strong, unable to update yesterday as didn't think I had a minute in the whole day to rest, then today has been just as busy as I am working Sunday meaning only a one day weekend for me

However, first weekend without a bet in God knows how long, I know football isn't on this weekend but it felt weird even seeing the league one and league two results coming in without feeling any pull towards them! Cutting all ties to gambling really leave you hopeless in terms of where you could actually gamble next, even if you wanted to

Can't really update now but will update more tomorrow or Monday

Nearly going to be a week which is a good start

For today, I will not gamble

Day 6 and Day 7

Finally, made it through a weekend gamble free. 7 days on the clock and the first week completely gamble free in a long long time. Money is beginning to run low due to the shortfalls at the beginning of the month, but hopefully, will be able to keep money in the bank once payday comes around at the end of the month.

Christmas soon and certainly last year wasn't one to remember. It was exactly a year ago I was trying the same thing, to give up, but the final payday before christmas quickly came and went, and the feeling was one of the worst in ages. I looked at my family and had no money to buy their presents with, which was just horrible. I had spent all the last of my money on a fruit machine on a night out with work, and ended up crying to one of my colleagues. She said she would help me out which I wasn't asking for, but really appreciated the support with buying christmas presents. How embarrasing. I couldn't afford christmas presents and needed a work colleague to bail me out. Probably one of the worst things I have ever had to do. Really thought that was the end at the time, but aparently not. Soon after the new year it all started again, on a long road to decline to where we are now.

I know I certainly won't be making the same mistake this christmas.

For today, I will not gamble

Day 8 and Day 9

Need to start doing this daily rather than every two days, just seems to be hard with work and stuff to find even 5 minutes to update the diary but don't want to get lazy with it.

Already midway through the week and nothing to report. Went to a pub quiz last night which was extremely hard, came nowhere near the top but it was good to get out and test knowledge and also have an evening away from work.

Was speaking a lot about the problem to my best friend last night. It is certainly hard to relay feelings to anyone about the impulse to gamble, I tried but actually trying to explain feelings related to gambling was very hard. Was walking down the road with two bookies on and now I don't even as much as look at them, when before I would be working out how much I would take out the cash point yards before I had even walked past them.

Still need to find these real feelings though. I feel as if it is all well and good that I have shut the availability to gamble, however only being 9 days free, I feel as if it is only covering the real feelings, I know I can't gamble in bookies or on my laptop, but I feel until I really find the feelings of why I gambled then I will still always subconsciously searching for the next bet, which is the hardest part

For today, I will not gamble

Well done

Have you thought about getting any extra support? Gamcare offers counselling and has a phone line you can call every day and there are other options like Gamblers anonymous?

Hi,

Well done and keep going, but a couple of suggestions? re pay day, can you hand over full financial control and get every possible barrier in place? Much harder to stay out of the bookies when there's money in your account. And if you sort it before pay day, the temptation won't be there.

Also, re your phone, the blocking software isn't always reliable. A non Internet handset may be less dignified but there's no temptation to use it to gamble.

Wish you well,

CW

Hi there and welcome , just popped by to wish you well and congratulate you on 9 days of abstainance !.

Sometimes it can take a while to find the answer as to why we gamble , lots of reasons with different people on here .

With me, I realised quite quickly that I ran away from life and dealing with problems that had occured , trouble is I ran into the arms of the waiting bookmaker , who was more than willing to console me !.

With regard talking to your friend , I believe its difficult for anyone who hasn't been in our position , in the grip of addiction , to really understand the way we feel and how difficult it is to stop .

You sound as if your doing well my friend , keep it up and best wishes for now Alan

Day 10

Thanks guys,

Yeah I have already put as many barriers in place as possible. I have self-excluded from all the bookies in my home town and put a blocker on my computer which has stopped me from accessing anything to do with gambling. Just trying to find something that I can use on my phone to ensure I am not tempted to gamble on the internet on my phone. I have thought about the gamcare councelling and think it is something I need to put in place, and gamblers annoymous is hard as I don't really have the time to get to my local one due to work. Also with the financial control, I can do this however it would mean telling my other half about earlier relapses she doesn't know about and I am petrified and worried she will leave me for being distrustful. It is something I need to do but I think I need to do it with time.

Not much going on on the gambling thoughts though. Busy at work as we are nearing the christmas rush so it is important getting everything ready for that so really haven't had the time to think. Another weekend coming up and I just hope I can keep building that number up in the top corner of the my account section. Pay day next friday so I am going to make sure I get something in place between now and then in regards to councelling and also looking at a phone block which is going to be the most vital one

For today, I will not gamble

Day 11

Another week nearly up brings on a different challenge again with the weekend, a lot more time on my hands to delegate and try keep busy to keep my mind off the gambling front

Still with little money so waiting around till payday, just hoping this month is finally the month I can start rebuilding financially just in time for Christmas! As there is no way I'll make it through January if I were to relapse seeing as January ends up being about 38 days from the pay month before Christmas, which is going to be a real tester!

Work is going to get busy as well so hopefully that will take my mind away as with Christmas there is literally no time to think about anything else but focusing on work

Day 11 though, hopefully another strong weekend will help me through to 2 weeks come Monday

For today, I will not gamble

well done. I am on day 97 and believe me it gets easier. I barely think about gambling now. It is about trying to completely change your mindset.