Online slots - Rock bottom!!!

Mel? Sending you buckets of support....

Mari x

Hey Mel...So so pleased to hear from you 🙂

It's not easy and I've had a few close calls but coming to this forum most days is helping to keep me safe & GF.

Life is so much better without gambling Mel....You know this, here if you need a friend...

Keep posting....

Mari x

Hi !

Not sure if you remember me from last year - or was it the year before ? Just read your most recent diary posts & was pleased to see you back on here - a month or so gamble free, but notice you've not checked in for a little while - hope you're going ok. Feel free to drop by my diary next time you're on. I'm on day one once again but full of determination to do the next 364 days ... that's my goal !

Hi Claire!! Of course I remember you 🙂 I was trying to find you on here when I decided to b**ger up my life again!! Hope you are well but I am sad that we meet again under these circumstances

Well for me the cat is out of the bag well and truely...mum opened one of my demand letters and gave me a good talking to about it all. She is going to help me get out of this rut I am in but I need to repay her by never ever allowing myself to get into this mess again. She told my new partner too 🙁 I am not angry, just totally and utterly ashamed of myself for what I have done.

I can't believe how supportive they have been - if anyone is reading this and they are heading towards self destruction- please go tell your loved ones they will support you no matter how difficult it is. We are good people trapped in a hopeless situation

Today I chose life!!! Xxx

Hey Mel

Nice to hear back from you and as difficult as it must be for you, I'm glad you've got the support from your mum and new partner. It can make all the difference in recovery and it will make it harder for you to slip and go back to it. I'm on day three and I have the support of my best friend in all this - she's making sure I don't get the opportunity to gamble and knows how much I loathe gambling and the mess it's got me into these past few years. Having rebudgeted I'm hoping to be out of debt in 30 months time. If I keep going back to gambling every few months - it sets me back on my debt plan and means I'll be longer and longer struggling with the gambling debts.

Have you tried to do a plan to sort out your finances ?

Look forward to hearing from you x

Hi Claire,

DMy mum is going to look at remortgaging the house that is going to ge left to me (she rents it out at the moment) release enough to get me out of this mess and rebuild my life. I am so grateful that I have her to support - she was disappointed I could tell but she says that as the house is mine anyways, paying lower interest is like paying myself back...

I had before this gone through the hell ringing round all the companies I owed money to and set up a repayment plan. Mum is getting an appointment to see the bank manager tomorrow so everything crossed things go okay

Xxx

Hi Mel,

My name is Julie and I have been knocking around since before Christmas. I have read your diary and feel your pain. I am back on Day 4 today. I really wish you every success in your journey. I just wondered had you considered counselling for your addiction or GA. I am doing an online course with Gamcare. I just wonder with yoru Mam's very generous offer to help, it will leave you with a disposable income again, and the money to Gamble. I am not saying you will, but sometimes, we need to address why we are gambling, to finish it for good. I had good intentions on stopping and lasted 49 days, but it got the better of me, and good intentions went out the window, I just needed to identify why I was gambling and could never win.

Anyways good luck with your journey.

Julie

Hi Julie,

As crazy or irrational as this may seem I think that it's been chasing my debt and refusal to accept that the money is lost. I have to learn to make my piece with it.

I cancelled all my credit cards yonks ago so once they are paid I have no access to credit - but the fact that my mum and partner know they are keeping a very close eye on me.

Good luck to you too xxx

Hi

You're so lucky having your Mum for support - she sounds great - and this is your opportunity to start fresh and slowly but surely rebuild everything. Hope it all goes to plan and you get everything sorted - you're doing well so keep it up x

Hey Mel, I have just sat and read your diary with my partner. What drew me to read it was the Title, as I also struggle with Online Slots so much. Betting shops dont interest me and when I have visited casinos I havent really had a problem with limits like I do Online. I have only just come to terms with my addiction. I have gone a few weeks GF but always slipped back into it. I have lied so much to my partner about it, but she's always found out in the end.. Which made me feel relieved but at the same time its slowy destroyed our relationship. Luckily for me shes trying to forgive me and support me, despite not having much trust for me anymore. I wanted to turn to her so much but I was too ashamed and afraid of her leaving me. I have excluded myself from most websites but always went out of my way to find more, I havent gambled for 5 days and I want to keep it that way. But at the same time, I don't want to have to give up social/enjoyable gambling like when me and my partner used to go to the casino and enjoy ourselves on a limit that we both stuck to without any problems. I know that my addiction is purely with online slots, when I am alone and struggling with thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I do it to escape and sometimes I do it to kinda self harm because I want to punish myself for being so stupid. I don't want to lie anymore, I am not a liar, but gambling makes me one and I hate myself for letting that happen. I've read so many people reccoment K9 and blocking software, but to be honest, as amazing as it sounds, I worry that having one of these put in place will make me want to override it more than ever, because as they say people want what they cant have, and if someone says DONT it makes you want to DO. If that makes any sense? I know having something like that will make me feel like I have no control, but I know deep down I have no control over my gambling either. I don't know if what I'm writing is making any sense at all, because all of this messes my head up and makes me feel confused and unsure. Losing touch with reality puts doubt in my mind about most things, but the thing that stays clear to me is that I NEED TO STOP. I want to follow your diary, and I might start my own too, I hope you are doing okay

Hi Diary,

Been to the financial advisor today and mum has the ball rolling to get me sorted, shes lent me money to pay some bills in the meantime. I will be making the remortage payments, so i am not being bailed out but i just cant help but feel so digusted with myself, i feel sick. And even more bizarrely, i am feeling scared about the thought of having money again ! how do i manage this? gone from years of having to scrimp and scrap to feed my horrific addiction and being up to my eye balls in debt to credit cards, loans etc - okay i have mortgage debt but it will be so much more managable than now..... its like i will have to retrain my brain...scary. Self destruction has to stop! But i am so lucky to have this support, so lucky.

Julie, i think that my gambling has been linked to bereavements, then to chasing losses...i have been looking at my budget and seeing the debts gone i dont see the attraction with gambling...but who knows, i am taking this one step at a time. Addiction is a dark disease that eats away at us until we no longer recognise ourselves, i would never ever have seen myself in this position.

Kirsty - you are more than welcome to follow my diary 🙂 although i dont post anywhere near enough as my new partner doesnt like my internet time so i get grief for being online ! which in my case is a blooming good thing! All i can say to you is that you are not alone on here, unfortunately so so many of us get dragged into this fastasy world of 'fun', an easy way to make lots of money....a load of c**P, you only here of what people win, never the losses....! Please get help from whoever you can before its too late - i wish i had turned to my mum a year ago, shortly after my marriage broke down...good luck to you and your partner getting through this, it will get easier

Claire - you were doing so well, whats triggered your gambling and brought you back? I got complacent and lost it again. I am a CG and will never stop...i know this now.

xxxx

Hiya

Great you're getting sorted with your payments - I wonder whether you could trust anyone close - your mum or partner to manage your finances completely for a while ? Access to cash is dangerous - whenever I've saved up a few quid in the past it's often ended up going back in the slots in a moment of complacency or weakness. I've just had a couple of months again recently playing the slots again. Luckily, not online this time. I started playing slots at bingo and then ended up going there solely to play slots for hours on end when I got chance. Wasted several hundred and realised once again I had to quit completely. Im more determined than ever and know that I can never ever win on slots so what's the point. Logical me knows they're a ridiculous waste of time and money and I need to quit going back there !

Hi Claire

I don't know..I can't believe what a lifeline I have been handed to me by being found out. It's really a surreal feeling to think that in 6 weeks all the stressful phone calls, letters and texts will stop and I will be able to live again. I can't fluff it up !!!!! This really is my last chance to sort myself out.

To me there's only one thing worse than being suffocated in debt by gambling and that is to be made to feel like a charity case - that's how I feel but I have had to swallow my pride and come clean about all of my debts - I haven't yet had the balls to be honest about where they have come from but I will - one step at a time for me. Even though my mum is helping me out big time, I still feel overwhelmed by this gambling rollercoaster, I hate this addiction.

We have planned a holiday to America later in the year and I will now be able to afford it without getting myself into more debt ! So much to look forward to ....

I am choosing life!!! Xxxx

Take your lifeline and vow never to gamble a single penny ever again. It sounds like this could be the answer to all your problems. Try to block gambling from your life in whatever ways you can think to make it impossible to gamble. Removing temptation is the only way I've found. America sounds great too - great future to look forward to & great you're choosing life ! X

Oh I know Claire - I have to stay the hell away from gambling !!! It's one day at a time for me, as mum can never help me like this again...this is my inheritance ..but I need it now. bit will take around 6 weeks for the money to be released and I almost feel panicky about having cash again - does that sound weird??

Escapism I believe drove me to gamble ...from grief, unhappy marriage...I have got to put all that behind me, move on and start to live again - I am thinking that I may need help for this still. Believe it or not I am very happy in my life now, except for all the debt of course xxx