Well done on 22 days, that's great progress!!
I have had a lot of thoughts about how things could have been so different if I had stopped at various points in time when I was up financially but I have eventually came to the realisation that it was never going to happen. All the time I had money in my account I was going to carry on donating it to the online casinos. I would have all these limits and targets in my head for when I was winning or losing but they meant nothing once those dials started spinning. The people who design the games really are very clever people.
Keep up the fight and don't go giving them another penny of your money.
Muststop
That's exactly what happened payday last, I thought I'll only spend the bonus money I had accumulated, then that run out so I thought I'll only deposit this as I thought I might have more luck if I put my money in and thought I could get one up on it! That was it, I kept depositing and depositing until it was all gone, won bits back here and there but wasn't enough so just kept on going!!
Next test is payday!
Hi Mel,
Read what you said on movingforwards diary post#9.
A lot of what you said could pass for me in respect of how and what effect gambling has on you.
Just wanted to drop by and say I know how difficult this is. You're on day 27 - well done! Don't let your gambling brain make you think you will be able to win. As you know we never win because we can never stop !
x
Thank you 🙂 so glad that we are all here to support each other and understand this addiction. I got paid today so thought I'd just check in....
Not going to lie. I've had urges. First thing I thought about when I got up this morning. I resisted, and given it a few thoughts throughout the day and tonight but not done it. It's amazing how in control you feel. I feel proud I just got through the first few hours of waking without depositing. Do feel empowered, but am battling demons. That voice saying "you could turn that £250 into £500, then into £1000 maybe £2000. Wouldn't that be great for Christmas... maybe I'm due a win"
Anyway I've told it to f***f, and I'm keeping my money. 🙂
Day 30 now. This is the first day I can happily say I've not gambled because I don't want to, not because I've got no funds.
X
Great read Mel...
You just keep telling yourself. ..it's you're hard earned cash...
Keep fighting those urges xx
Everyone who has gambled to the extent a lot of us on here have will always get those urges, and the skill is to know how to bat them off because they can be strong, especially as it is impossible to avoid gambling on a daily basis unless you close your eyes and cover your ears, you have to know its there and know all the sneaky tricks it will do to get you to click deposit.
Well I was too afraid to come back on for few days as didn't want to disappoint everyone on here. Relapsed. Spent money should of saved. Bills paid, money to live on but no savings. Such an idiot.
Hi Melonade, it's just a relapse however disappointing it feels to you now, you will bounce back stronger.
Wilsy
No need to be afraid love..
You're own disappointment will be the hardest to deal with...
I'm releived bills are paid..and you got money to live on...
But....don't let you're addiction fool you into thinking that's ok...
Don't let the next time happen love....
It's a very slippery slope...bills will go unpaid...and there will be nothing left to live on love...
Tighten up your blocks...
Nothing will change ....untill you change something....
You can do this. ...and I'm not being unkind love. ...I just want you to see that Addiction will take everything from you....if you let it..xx
Thank you both for your support. I'm just annoyed my stupid brain got the better of me this time. I suppose I should revisit my positive points and focus on those.
No temptation to get onto new sites. I looked but the wagering put me off and I thought yeah as if. How much of my money I have to put in to even withdraw. I'm an addict and I could even see that. By the time you wagered it's too late... they are very good at marketing.
I do feel so disappointed in myself, and also doing ok with support then I feel I've let everyone down on here... especially after everyone's support and kind words. I suppose it's all part of the process. I wonder if I'll ever be "cured"...
I'm also angry feeling like I've been mugged off again by the site. I fell for it yet again. I guess my brain took over imagining a wonderful win for Christmas and I was seduced. Hypnotised, dragged into this fixation of rolling reels and numbers.. colours.. then the hangover sets in.. numb.. what have I done? Again.
I promise to check in more. I don't want to let you down again. Xx
The danger is there everyday for all us compuslive gamblers. Doesn't matter how many days we have gone, one bet can ruin it all. We are never cured because we can't control ourselves.
As you say bills are covered its the positive from this mistake. You've looked at HOW you managed to get around the blocks you have and closed them for the future. We have to be super honest and want to physically put every obstical in between us and gambling if we really want to stop.
To a degree you have to forgive yourself for what you have done. Recovery from gambling is more than just "not gambling" its why? how? when? Keep taking the help you are given and try to understand these parts of your gambling addiction.
Head up, go again.
I thought I best check into the diary. So sick of having no money all the time. Makes me want to gamble although that’s the reason I’m in this situation. Now on 18th day, finding today hard. Paid all bills and have done most of my Christmas shopping so just got a little bit money left now till payday. The thing is I’m not worried about spending £30 on gambling, if I have £30 I won’t spend it on that. But if I have hundreds I will as think I can win more with more spins. The time when I have the urges is when I have that kinda money sitting in my account. I’m almost so used to scraping by now that money in my account has to be gone. I don’t know what that’s all about... anyway just thought I would drop by...
Paid today and not gambled. Really happy with myself. Just got to keep going. I relapsed day after last month. I have thought about it this morning as this was the first thing I’d do once money hit my account... I played the they owe me scenario we are all familiar with in my mind, told my brain to stop it. That’s why I’m in this situation. That helped a lot. Not tempted to even try. I’ll put down my positive points of the week.
Finding it tough today. It’s the thought of struggling through and budgeting. Something never been used to. Haven’t acted upon it. My bills don’t go out until 1st and it’s that money sitting there that’s playing on my mind. The thoughts of perhaps I could double it... buymyself a treat... would t have to think about my budget....
In reality and this is what is stopping me is the previous months where I’ve done that and sickness and despair I felt. Physically sick as I haven’t won, it’s just gone. Started depositing a smaller amount and saying that’s all will be, then another then the whole lot gone. I’m not prepared to do this to myself anymore so I’m not.
Anyway I’m at 23 days now. Just having a tough day with the urges but I will battle through...
Hi there
Good to see you posting your tboughts instead of acting on urges.
Yes, I can relate to that. But there is not much we can change from the past..except not to add to the debt! & that we CAN do that now!
I also remember my lowest few months ago. It's not much fun to scrape pennies from piggy bank to get bread and milk.
Keep those reminders close by.
Also remember - urges are not gonna hurt you, they're only thoughts. Don't act on them.
Try and look at the positives. You're here, you're reaching out, you're NOT making things worse and indeed...time will make everything better.
Just for today...stay strong, I'm willing you on..you can do this!
Gift some peace to that mind...let Xmas magic show you how wonderfully you're doing and how greatful you're for what you have.
Merry Xmas..stay close by
S&B xx
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