I started reading the recovery diaries yesterday and was absolutely blown away by how many people are in the same boat as me!
I started gambling when I was about 10 on the fruit machines in the amusement arcade my dad worked at. Often when I got my pocket money on a Friday I would literally sprint down to the arcade to play the machines and ended up walking home thinking of excuses as to where the money went.
At the age of 16 I started playing poker. Even at this age I felt addicted although I hadn't run into any money problems yet. When I started working full-time at 17 I was getting a very good wage for a lad of my age. It was at this time a roulette wheel was put into the arcade below the poker club I would frequent, this is here the trouble really began! I would have spent hours at the wheel trying every system and number combo I could think of to win but the result was always the same. I remember one day in particular when I lost £700 in the space of a couple of hours, looking back I don't know how I went on after that. Somehow the news got back to my Dad who needless to say wasn't a bit pleased with me! He sorted me out with enough money to do me for a couple of months on the notion that I would quit but as soon as I was back on my feet I started again.
My problem continued to spiral out of control, I had 2 separate loans and 2 credit cards maxed out by the time I was 19. My mum recognised that something was really bothering me and pressed me until I confessed everything. We agreed I would need to tell my Dad the whole story also. On the way home from a football match that night with just the 2 of us in the car I broke down in hysterics while confessing that I was just over £4000 in debt, I wouldn't have blamed him if he stopped the car and told me to get out but he didn't. We spoke at length about it all and in the end he paid the loans and cards off while also taking my bank card to ensure I would pay him back. I had to call him anytime I needed money from my account, this way he could keep track of my spending. Over the next 18 months I was totally gambling free although I was having to sacrifice other things like holidays, nights out etc as I simply couldn't afford it. IWhen I still owed about £500 my grandparents had heard about my problem and paid off the rest. After he returned my bank card I didn't even consider going back to gambling initially but it was about 6 months later I started playing poker for 'a bit of craic'.
Over the next 5 years until now I have been gambling as little as £10 a month at times and as much as £1500 a month. I am simply sick, sore and tired of having this addiction hang over me and I also have way too much to lose i.e. house, girlfriend, family etc.
As of today I haven't gambled for 18 days but a lot of that is down to the fact I've hardly any money until payday! After reading some of the stories on here I felt the need to share mine, thanks for reading.
Hi
Well done for 18 days. Post and read alot it really helps.
Wishing you well
Dusty
Thanks for the support Dusty.
Next week will be a big test as I get paid on Monday. Haven't worked it out yet but after paying all my bills I should have at least £250 for myself for the month which is more than enough to do me. I already know the urges I will have to gamble so I can have more money to myself but I need to remember the countless times in the past where I simply end up losing all I have and feel like cr** the rest of the month.
warren well done on staring your diary it will help you in your commitment to abstain and continue to do so. I used to live in a pair of gambling goggles and since i binned them 31 days ago i have begun to get my life back in more ways than just financial, When you get paid next week find a way to treat yourself, it doesnt have to be a fortune but show yourself what you can get without a punt, and you like me will learn the value of a pound again, i used to veiw it all as gambling vouchers and since i binned those goggles i really have learnt the value of a pound! it is trully amazing what you can do with a pound!
Remember if you never bet again you win!! how ironic! all the best fella duncs. stepping forward never back!
Cheers Duncan, I really appreciate the support and will take on board the advice. Your doing well yourself with the 31 days, keep it going pal!
Well payday has come and gone and I'm pleased to say I haven't had a punt! I was thinking a lot about my addiction last night and what lead me to gamble time after time. Sometimes I would think about buying a car or booking a holiday and come to the conclusion that I could just win the money needed, stupid I know. Other times I would have about £50 left until payday which would be 10 days away and instead of making the money last I'd think, "sure I'll just do a tenner bet and try to win 30 for myself" Even on the rare occasions I did win it didn't matter as I just threw it away again.
I have successfully stopped gambling before for a period of about 2 years and last night I tried remembering what was going on in my head to get me started again. I had convinced myself that my problems were behind me, that I could control my gambling by only doing one bet a week and that I'd simply been unlucky and undisciplined in the past. I realise now how naive I've been.
Gambling can take over ones life to a point where everything (and everyone) else are not as important. It's only when you stop for a sustained period of time that you realise what is really important. Also once you stop there's a large void in your life that needs filling. This is probably the hardest part of quitting in my experience as you need to discover (or re-discover) ways to fill all this extra time you have. I'm very fortunate this time to have plenty to occupy me i.e. playing football, girlfriend, a house to look after. When I tried to quit before I didn't have all this which left me bored/depressed at times.
My advice to anyone trying to stop is to find at least one thing you really enjoy doing (not gambling!) and put your heart and soul into it. Even if it's spending time with friends/family or finally cleaning out the shed after 5 years it's definately a lot more satisfying than losing your wages and then looking for the next loan!
I'm feeling good at the minute. I look forward to another gamble free week! Hope you all can stay away from the bookies also!
'A problem shared is a problem halved'.
I like this saying. Things are going well at the minute as I have absolutely no notion of gambling ever again! I realise there will be days I'll be tempted but I'm not fearing them as they are just small obstacles I need to get get past. Looking forward to the rest of a gamble free week!
Consider your problem halved.
Wishing you well have a good few days keep us posted as to how much you have saved from not gambling just before next pay day.
You might even surprise yourself.
Take care
Dusty
Well payday has come and gone and I'm pleased to say I haven't had a punt! I was thinking a lot about my addiction last night and what lead me to gamble time after time. Sometimes I would think about buying a car or booking a holiday and come to the conclusion that I could just win the money needed, stupid I know. Other times I would have about £50 left until payday which would be 10 days away and instead of making the money last I'd think, "sure I'll just do a tenner bet and try to win 30 for myself" Even on the rare occasions I did win it didn't matter as I just threw it away again.
That is exactly how I used to be mate, i'd be the guy who went for a haircut, thought I'd win a £10 and that'll pay for it, only to lose £300 and begrudge paying for my haircut
I have now gone 60 days without playing roulette in bookies or any form of gambling, and I feel much better, you can do this
Thanks for the support MIT! Sounds just like me, I'm slowly starting to respect the value of money again though.
I've went through the process yesterday of self-excluding from all the online sites I use. These were the main problem the past couple of years as it was so easy to have a punt anytime, anywhere.
I read another diary and realised the author had almost identically the same problem as me. I would consider myself a 'binge' gambler if there is such a thing. In the past I've often stopped gambling for a week, a month, 6 months etc. but there always seems to be a point when I think I've beaten the addiction. I then start to have a small punt telling myself I can control it but this is when the 'binge' starts.
I'm slowly starting to realise I have this addiction for life and it's never fully going away. When I start thinking about gambling again I will need to remember all the pain and heartache it's caused me and I can use this diary for that.
All the best to everyone over the weekend, stay strong!
Hi
You seem to be getting a handle on this, which is the key to being in recovery for the long hall.
Closing those accounts shuts not only shuts some doors, but super glues them shut should the monkey on your shoulder ever try to convince you , you can gamble responsibly again. This you know you can not, be it a month, a year or more down the line.
Good for you for taking that step.
Stay strong, have a great weekend.
Dusty
Hi Warren
Just read your posts - welcome. Loads of really supportive people here.
You hit the nail on the head when you said managing your recovery is for life. 30 years here and the longest spell of abstinence for me is only 6 months. Addiction is a creeper. Just when we think we've got a hold on it it can turn the tables and we're in *** street again.
Wishing you all the best with your recovery and I look forward to reading your successes.
Hello warren just read ur diary another poker nut just like my self was.
Well done for keeping free gambling mate ur doing really well. as u said use ur football to keep u busy and ur partner to drive u on as well mate cus if u carry on gambling ul have no partner and no house.
So u like ya footbal whod ya support? i love me footy 2. i love to start playing again but fatherhood takes up my time and cant play saturdays and sundays as i used to as the mrs works on saturday and sunday is family day. well me at home watchingsuper sunday football lol. Keep ya self busy pal and keep them goals in ya mind footy, mrs ,house
all the best and take care
Redmanjim
Thanks Dusty, JS123 and redman for the comments. It's good to hear from people who understand what this addiction can be like. Redman I'm a Liverpool supporter, love watching them but haven't been able to afford to go over recently. Actually that's gonna be a goal for me, to be able to get over to Anfield before the end of the year! Cheers Redman!
r u me in disguise warren lol 🙂 im a mssive liverpool fan too hense my name redmanjim. i also havent been in years since 2006 the year i got with my mrs ddownhill from then lol. only kidding. my partner fell pregnant pretty quick but we decided to keep her. also during them years my gambling got pretty bad and just never had the money to get there. with gambling and trying to bring up my kids.i also too r aiming to get up there next season clear a few more debts and then take my mrs and eldest daughter up there. the mrs loves stevie g and well my daughter just loves liverpool lol she has all the kits and has to wear hers everytime i have mine on lol. that is a very good goal to aim for warren stay gamble free get some money saved upand get ya self to anfield to watch the mighty reds. just think to ya self my goal is to be in the kop end singing ul never walk alone holding ur scarf up with the other mad kopites :). theres 2 games one day i hope i can see liverpool v everton and the main 1 liverpool v man u thatd be a dream come true.
all the best pal and heres to ur road to anfield. bring on the gunners tmz
take care
redmanjim
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