Our Struggles Make Us Stronger

Hi Sam,

You're doing great. I can tell you from experience that clearing debt is just that. Clearing debt. You're doing the work that counts in the long run. Growing up and being the best man possible for Ms. Right who will be waiting for you when you are ready. I found my soul mate in my late thirties. 🙂 Hang in there Sam! -joanxx

Thanks Joan! Just wanted to put my thoughts down instead of them swirling in my head.

All the best

The little man stayed overnight last night, it truly is a joy watching him grow and listen to him jabbering away in his on little language. It's only a matter of time until he takes his first unaided steps and strings his first sentence together. Anytime I leave the room he shuffles around to find me and plays peekaboo. My heart fills with joy everytime he smiles and says Da da. His happiness and wellbeing is my Number 1 priority above all else and will be as long as there's a breath in my body. Love you Son

Nice post Sam :)) .

That's what it's all about , the important things in life instead of all our gambling rubbish , mine have all grown up and flown the nest , well ! Except my son who's doing his final year at Uni and who I'm sure will still Gurrgal those words " Da Da " when he wakes with a hangover again , Oh where have all the years gone :((.

Enjoy it all Sam , they grow so fast my friend .

Best wishes Alan

Great post Sam....my boy is a bit older (3) but I still get the same feelings now. Often wonder to myself how I left myself drift away from my family so much. I feel much closer to them all these days and it wont be happening again.
As Alan has said....enjoy it my friend, take it all in.
All the best.
Damo

Cheers guys! The past year has really flown by so I intend to enjoy every moment with him even when he's trying to pull the TV down off the cabinet lol. It feels good being able to spend time with him and not feel guilty about gambling anymore. I rest easy in the knowledge I will only be a positive influence in his life.

There's something deeply moving when I read your posts about your son Sam. The love you have for him just shines through and that's a joy to behold. Thanks for sharing. LB xx

Good training session last night at football. I wasn't really looking forward to as I was tired but glad I went in the end. Nothing better than exercise to clear the head and give you that feel good factor. In work at the minute and afterwards I'm straight into the bar tonight for another 8 hours or so :l Looking forward to a Mickey D's after already!

Keep moving forward

So the little man had his first birthday recently! His party went very well and without any drama etc. as everyone got on well thank God. I was worried leading up to it but everyone was on their best behaviour. Most importantly the (not so) little man had a blast and got spoiled, such a happy chappy he is!

Have to admit though I’m still missing him terribly on the days I don’t see him. He’s growing up so fast and there are times I feel I’m missing out on so much. Going to try and negotiate more time with him again in the New Year. It all comes down to what’s best for him and as long as he’s happy, healthy and well looked after then that’s the most important thing.

As for things between his Mum and I, we’re getting on well and all but I do miss her. I realise I miss the person I fell in love with all those years ago but I need to remember it wasn’t all rosy in the garden the last year or 2. People change, that’s just a fact of life. I have changed a brave bit (for the better) the past 6 months myself.

The path I’m on has an unknown destination but maybe that’s a good thing. I’m 175 days free from gambling and I have absolutely no intention of returning to it. Life is better today without it and will continue to get better. Of course there will be obstacles in the way occasionally but I’m well placed to overcome them now my head is clear.

Keep moving forward

Happy birthday to your boy. Nice post sam.

Louis

Very good meeting a GA last night with a full house of 15 gamble free. I could relate to everyone in attendance in some way or another which speaks volumes about the life a CG leads. For all our mis-givings it's the desire to change is the most powerful thing for me. Everyone of us has a choice whether it be to seek help and support or to go and dig an even deeper hole for ourselves. I remember early on in my time a GA a fella alluded to how weak he was for seeking help for his addiction and attending GA. I actually feel it's the other way around! It takes tremendous strength and courage to finally admit we can't do it alone and need help with our addiction.

Keep moving forward

Couldn't agree more about the strength needed to accept help, it also takes some balls to admit we have the problem in the 1st place! All the years I thought I could fix myself was not me being strong, it was me giving in to my addiction & being too weak to accept I had a problem that needed help!

Apologies if you've mentioned it before but do you know why it took you so long to decide to go to GA Sam?

Hey ODAAT thanks for the reply. GA was first mentioned to me about 12 years ago and I didn't go until 6 months ago. To be honest for a long time I didn't think I needed to go as I thought I wouldn't be as bad as the other people there. In a way I probably looked down on them as if I was superior, somehow different. Seems awful to say now but it's the truth. I also didn't really want to stop gambling. I enjoyed the different aspects and the buzz, the potential to become a millionaire, all that bullsh1t. By going to GA I would have had to give it up completely and I just wasn't ready to do that. 6 months ago I realised I had to at least give it a go and I'm glad I did. Suppose it was the realisation that it wasn't just about me anymore, I have my son who needs me in his life, to provide for him and to be a good role model. I realised I couldn't do that whilst still gambling. The thing about GA I didn't expect is how it helps with all aspects of life not just abstaining from a bet.

Hope that makes sense lol!

Monday morning bus journey to work. The amount of times I sat here months ago punting like mad on my phone, seems like utter madness now! That's where I was though, emotions ranging from elation to despair in seconds. Stepping off the bus either won or lost sometimes more than a weeks wages, most of the time still with a bet running. Not anymore though. I'm still not fond of Monday mornings but this one is a lot better than the 'old' ones.

Monday morning again and I definately have the blues. Was out for 2 separate Christmas parties at the weekend and I'm still a bit peaky. I seem to have lost all confidence I used to have. Growing up I was a self-conscious lad as a lot of teenagers are but worked on it and by my mid 20's I was confident in how I looked and spoke. Then when I was in a long term relationship I had no need to worry about what others thought of me and I was just happy. Of course I know myself I haven't really moved on from my ex even though we haven't been together for a while now and I feel very self conscious when talking to women now. It's probably the fear of rejection or something but it's definatley something I need to work on. Worrying about what strangers think of you makes no sense at all and I'm usually the one giving others advice like that so it's time I listened to it myself.

Positives are I've no gambling to report and no significant thoughts about it either. My life on that front continues to improve everyday. Not long into work and I'm looking forward to hometime already!

Keep moving forward