Our Struggles Make Us Stronger

Heart wrenching Sam but as you know from GA, the best thing about recovery is the feelings & the worse thing, the feelings. Barely 2 years ago you may not have felt this pain so be proud of how hard you have worked to get here today.

Hope your Nanny gets well soon!

Stay strong & keep reaching out if you need to - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT, you're totally right. At least I can feel now whereas before I would have just escaped down a gambling hole. I am there for my loved ones when they need me.

Nanny is fine thanks, more precautionary than anything but better safe than sorry!

Just need somewhere to vent. Dropped the little man off at his Mum's there a while ago and she asks what he had for lunch. I didn't know I was to give him lunch as usually he gets it when he goes back. Maybe I should have confirmed but hey ho now I'm not looking after my son correctly. This type of thing is said every now and then and I can't help but feel it's abusive. I love my son with all my heart and he loves his Daddy just the same. To be honest I probably wouldn't be here anymore if it wasn't for him when I was going through the gambling mire, he's the only reason I kept going.

I can't deal with this type of behaviour, I end up an emotional wreck. She knows my son means everything to me so why would she get on like that? This time he was even there and saw it which is worse, he never should see that.

Now I'm the worst in the world and won't see the little man until mid-week. His mum likely won't answer the phone if I call so it will be interesting when I call down.

All I had to do was ask does he need lunch. Such a trivial thing it is but as usual being blown out of all proportion. I must add I look after my son very well, he's always fed, watered and bathed etc. He loves Daddys house. I was looking to take him to get lunch after his mum starting going mad about it but got the door slammed in my face.

I know I need to be more assertive and stand up for myself but it's so hard as it feels like she has all the control when it comes to our son

Hi Sam unfortunately a lot of family, partners etc don't think they are affected by gambling and therefore don't seek help. It's just nit picking, an excuse to rant at you. Let it go. There may have been another reason she was upset. As GA says 'admit when you are wrong'. Be the better person even if you don't agree. The positive is you returned him when you were asked, you enjoyed your time with him. Lunch is a movable feast! There are many things worse than not eating lunch.

Hi Sam

I can only imagine how painful it was for your ex to suggest you were not looking after your son properly when a brief look at your diary shows nothing could be further from the truth. The consistent theme through your diary over the last couple of years is the priority you put on your son’s happiness and well being.

You can’t change other people’s behaviour and there could have been a completely unrelated reason why she said that knowing how much it would upset you.

Difficult, I know, but I think you just need to let it go, otherwise you are going to think about it over and over again and stay upset about it which may harm your ongoing relationship with your ex which is not going to help with your son. You can be the better person.

Good luck

Sam, I Just typed you a long post about what what a s**t dad I have been not feeding my kids at all until late afternoon when I was gambling only to accidentally close the window. Do not take it to heart. Not feeding you kids once - whether you were consciously leaving it to your partner or whether you simply forgot - does not matter and does make you a bad dad. If Mrs Crow knows about the gambling (forgive me I have not had the chance to read all of your diary) then she will no doubt be embittered and will want to make you feel bad. All you can do is be the best dad you can be and hopefully time will do the rest. Take care. Markman.

Hi guys, many thanks for the replies. I honestly didn't expect any so much appreciated!

So I got speaking to the little man's mum last night and you are all right, turns out she has had an awful week which was one of the reasons for the outburst. I didn't get an apology though not that I expected or necessarily needed one. I explained how I felt about what she said and it was very hurtful to hear those things. I could hear her getting upset on the line so didn't go on about it much. I admitted that I'm a flawed character and have made many mistakes and no doubt will make mistakes in the future but that doesn't make me a bad Dad. I know I have issues with communication that I am working on i.e. I try to avoid confrontational conversations and end up saying nothing at all.

I should ask a question if it needs to be asked and not worry about the outcome so much. I know I need to stand up for myself more in certain situations also.

My ex has her own issues to deal with and again you are all right, I can't control that. I can only control what I do and learn to cope better in situations like this. I felt so much better after the phone call last night after being an emotional wreck all day. In the past I would have just avoided it and let it linger for days making things worse

Thanks again for your comments guys, much appreciated!

Sam