Been reading a few gambling horror stories on the net today and the amount of people who have lost or are close to losing their homes is insane. One lad lost 80k of equity he had in his home and now is in trouble of re-possession. I hope never to get to that point and I know I will succeed if I continue my recovery. This for me really highlights how gambling changes people from being rational to irrational to total insanity.
Imagine you have to choose between 2 paths to take to work every day for the next year. The first path has plenty of ups and downs, very bumpy and has a lot of obstacles in the way some of which you will find are impossible to get past without help. This is a lonely path and will cost you all your money (and more) to use. The second path is pretty even with a few bumps and some small obstacles in the way some of which you will be able to get past with some help from others. This path busy and full of life and will cost you nothing to use.
As a rational person today what path would you choose? I’d go for the second path. So many of us have chosen the first path for too long and in hindsight we ask ourselves ‘why?’ We can only control what’s ahead of us so time to choose the right path.
Busy weekend past. Spent some quality time with the little guy, he never fails to put a smile on my face! His mum is still in hospital but hopefully should be getting out soon. We have been getting on very well recently even before she went in so maybe there’s a chance for us yet, I hope so anyway. Was working in the bar on Saturday night and it wasn’t too busy so got to watch some of the England match. Went to watch the NI game in the fanzone yesterday and it was a good days craic, pity about the result though!
It would have been very easy to gamble over the weekend. Lads were placing bets in the bar on the horses but I honestly wasn’t tempted. Again yesterday a few mates were talking about odds on the game and first goalscorer etc, even betting on what time the bus would get to the station at. I have accepted that I can’t completely remove myself from these scenarios as it’s part of social life and is unfair to expect others to stop talking about gambling in front of me. They know I don’t gamble anymore which helps so I don’t have to continually explain why I’m not throwing a pound in the next group bet.
Trying to stay positive about things in general although it can be difficult at times. I like time to myself to reflect on things and take stock of where my life is at the minute but it gets hard when my son is just down the road and I’m sitting up in the house on my own. Even though his mum and I aren’t together at the minute we are still a family and always will be. As I said I still hope we can sort things out but the most important thing is our son’s happiness and well being.
Thanks for taking the time to read my diary it is getting a bit long but it's only going to get longer lol. It start of dark but like you say the light starts to shine through in the end
You keep going the way you are a couple of weeks in now I'm enjoying following your progress it's hard when it's cost you more than money. You sound positive on the future keep going in the way you are one day at a time and things will only improve.
Not sure if you have looked into a debt plan with someone like step change but I can help and ease the financial pressure a bit.
KTF
So I had the little guy up the last couple of nights even though I only see him every other day usually, was a great wee surprise! He’s such a good child, really funny and you can see his personality shining through already even at this young age. I keep getting told how much we look alike which I agree although he has all my good features, none of the bad! Best mates for life.
Watched a bit of the footy when I got a chance then the latest episode of Thrones, it’s amazing how much more I enjoy these things without considering my next bet or how much I’m up/down for the day. Had a good chat with a friend about addiction also. I see a lot of myself in him and he’s at the early stages of the CG cycle I would say. We had a good talk and I explained I would hate to see him go down the same route. Of course it’s up to him and he reckons he can control it with small stakes and deposit limits etc which is fair enough if that’s the case. I do worry he may end up on here with his own horror story though. Maybe the next time he considers a big bet chasing his losses he’ll remember our conversation.
Had a laugh last night, mum was up seeing the little guy and she brought me dinner so I wouldn’t have to make any. She set the table for me and everything, fork on the left and knife on the right as always. Thing is I use them the other way about, always have lol! Just made me giggle a bit. She’s a gem my mother bear.
I attended my first GA meeting last night. I found it very good and therapeutic and even as I rambled when telling my story I felt comfortable talking about it in front of these guys I never met before. I will definitely be back to ‘take my medicine’ as they say. I found the therapies and stories very similar to what you read on here although at GA you can see the different emotions on the faces. There was even a funny story where a guy described an alternative treatment he had heard about which didn’t work but at least it gave the group a laugh. I must admit I was sceptical of attending for years and always thought I didn’t need it but now I’ve finally given it a go I realise I had nothing to worry about. I’m looking forward to the next meeting already.
Yesterday was a good day for the most part. Had the little guy up visiting his great-grandparents, his mummy got out of hospital and NI got the win against Ukraine! His mum and I had been getting on well before she went in to hospital and we still are. A worry crept into my head last night though that things may go back to the awful way they were the first few months after our breakup. As I mentioned before there were a few different issues that caused it and now she’s back home I worry that outside influences will change the dynamic in our parenting relationship. Even though I would prefer a reconciliation somewhere down the line I am fully aware that we may never get back together. I think I’m ok with that as well. As long as I have my little guy and he’s happy and healthy then it’s all good.
On our group chat yesterday one of my mates mentioned losing 180 on the horses. He’s been on a winning streak of late apparently but he was gutted yesterday compared to the happy chappy he’s been for a while. Reminded me of the range of emotions I would go through during the day depending on how the bets were going. Happy one minute sad the next. Scenarios running through my head counting potential winnings and debts to pay off. How I ever functioned with everyday life is beyond me. Now though everything seems that much clearer and I’m able to give my full attention to the important aspects of life (see above).
Long day ahead, leave work only to go to my 2nd job and probably get home around midnight but hopefully it won’t be too busy. Ah the working life!!
Got a lovely card and photo frame from my son for my first Fathers Day! Very tired today after a good days craic with the lads yesterday. Told a few of them about my new found resolve, played pool and everything just for the sport and no money involved. Can't say I'm looking forward to work in the morning. Getting old lol!
You're doing great Sam Crow. Keep going and you'll find some much more positivity in your life that you'll even enjoy work... I'm slowly getting there...
21 days now GF or 3 weeks if you prefer. Bit down today as since my ex got out of hospital she seems to be frosty with me again all of a sudden. I have a work training thing to attend tonight and asked if I could swap nights and see the little guy tomorrow instead. I only found out about it last week and let her know but didn't go into detail too much as she was in hospital. She is busy tomorrow though which means I'll only have him for half the time tonight and that's ok with me. I have no problem with it but I can tell she's mad at me for even asking. We both have had to switch nights due to work and other commitments in the past and usually we work it out fine. I could tell she was in bad form before I mentioned it as well. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe she’s just tired and annoyed about something else completely after all she’s only out of hospital.
Anyway another meeting tonight which makes my 2nd. Looking forward to it and getting a few more things off my chest and some advice from the guys.
Meeting went very well the other night and I met a fella I've known for years as well. He's been GF now for years so it shows it can be done!
Busy last few days working the elections on Thursday 16 hour shift and then working in the bar last night till late. Now I'm not even thinking about gambling I find myself thinking about everything else and trying to sort out my life. Everytime I pick up the phone and see my sons face I smile but at the same time heartbroken I'm not with him all the time. I miss my ex too if I'm being honest. We never broke up before, yes we had disagreements etc but never anything major. I can't help but feel there's still hope for us as our own little family. Suppose you never know until you try!
Morning Sam
Pleased to see your enjoying GA hard to explain but it does give you a feel good factor.
As for the partner I never had the talk, asked the question if we could work it out. I think I knew the answer and was scared I would get the no chance response. It's one regret I have, even a no answer would of helped me move on sooner rather than just letting it fizzle out.
It might be worth taking the bull by the horns and having a sit down explaining how you feel any what you have done to change your mindset.
I wish you well whatever you choose to do.
KTF
Afternoon Sam
Enjoyed the last 20 minutes reading through your posts. You sound like your trying, keeping an open mind but your putting the action in importantly. Good to read and see you posting on other diaries. To your next post 🙂 Tri
My Monday started with me running around the house looking for the car keys and ended up missing my bus because of it. I almost went out to the bin to start rummaging but luckily I found them in a jar of sweets of all places! Why exactly I put them there I’ll never know lol. So I’ll be staying later tonight in work to make up the time but that’s fine as I’m in no rush anyway.
Been thinking a lot about where I’m going in all different aspects of my life, very deep I know! I’ve been looking at what areas I’m happy and unhappy and for the most part on a scale of 1-10 I’m about a 5. Lots of room for improvement.
Family life (6) – I have my son which bumps this up a bit although I’d love to see him for longer and more often. Parents have their own stuff going on and my brothers live overseas which is difficult.
Relationships (3) – Basically non-existent as I haven’t even attempted to move on from my ex. Maybe coz I still love her and dream we still have a future. Sometimes it looks very plausible and others it seems like fantasy. Things weren’t great the last year of our relationship but I tend to get nostalgic and remember the happy times the first few years.
Work (7) – I have a good job with decent pay although promotion opportunities have been non-existent due to public sector cutbacks. The job itself isn’t that demanding and I’m left to get on with things but lack motivation at times. My 2nd job can be more demanding but it’s decent pay for what it is.
Social life (4) – Hasn’t been great due to working some weekends and being tired a lot even when I am off. I have a good network of friends and maybe I need to stop being down in the dumps as much and just get up, go out and enjoy life.
Finances (3) – Could be a lot better obviously although I realise it could equally be a lot worse. Brexit very likely will affect house prices negatively and who knows what with interest rates which is just another obstacle to overcome. I have a debt plan in place and just need to keep the head down and it will be paid off eventually. I’m not gambling though so that is a huge positive.
Health (7) – I’m in relatively good health physically, mentally I’m working on it and trying to stay positive which can be hard at times. I’m returning to football soon which will help in both areas.
So all in all there’s a lot of room for improvement. It’s about figuring out a plan and sticking to it whilst trying not to deal with everything all at once. I had no intention of rambling on this much lol so back to work for me!
Evening Sam Crow, hope the day finished better than it started...How much did you have to drink last nite 😉
I had a similar experience yesterday morning that required hubby to get out if bed & 'put some clothes on' @ 0530 coz I couldn't find my work pass! I'd bruised my hand moving furniture & catapulted the dog across the living room after he trod on my head as I crawled around searching under furniture before hubby & his 'man look' recovered it from the exact place that I had told him it should be if it had fallen after a pillow debacle in the night :-0 This is the man who cannot see something if it is one single millimetre away from where it should be...I will NEVER live that down 🙁
Lovely to see such great progress being made this time around 🙂 Keep working on your recovery - ODAAT
Attended my 3rd GA meeting last night. Got there a bit early and had a laugh with a couple of the lads about current affairs. Good to see one fella returning for his 2nd meeting and another whom I hadn’t met before returning after a slip. His story was powerful and you could see the pain in his face having to admit he had slipped up again but fair play to him, he walked through the door and was big enough to admit it. We all know only too well how he was feeling and he got some great advice and support from the group so by the time the meeting had finished he was smiling at a couple jokes that were told. Got home in time to watch the season finale of Thrones – Wow!
Feeling a lot more optimistic about everything this morning. Gonna stop worrying about what other people think and not let others control my destiny. ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.’
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