The people that matter don't judge us! Optimistic is great...I think that's the power of GA, it sets you into a better mindset 🙂
Thanks for the drop by & surprise surprise, hubby agreed with your sentiments about a little treat! By the time I got round to it, I'd also dragged him out of bed to record something so 2 lovely emojis sent as a reward...Sorted 😉
After misplacing the car keys the other day I’ve now lost my headphones :(. Could swear I left them on my desk in work last night but they're nowhere to be seen. Ah well, think I can afford to shell out a few quid for another pair.
The little guy needs a new car seat as he’s almost grown out of the current one that’s meant to last until he’s a year old. Guess he’s not that little anymore lol. Drove up to mothercare last night and have one picked out and all but nobody was able to fit it at the time so it will have to wait until Saturday. Pricey things those car seats! There was some near £400! The one I’ve picked is £180 and will last till he’s 10 or 11 (maybe 8 or 9 the rate he’s growing at). I don’t mind paying the money at all though as my son will not go without, I can do without a few things instead.
Got my cousin’s birthday BBQ tomorrow night which should be good craic. Few beers and burgers with friends hopefully with the sun shining (not likely due to the forecast). Her bf who is also my mate has a new dart board up so I’m sure we’ll have a good laugh with that. No doubt the lads will be throwing in their pounds as well but I shall abstain and maintain just as I have been for 31 days.
Keep on truckin’ y’all!
Reading through the forum today I realise there isn’t just the one path to recovery from this awful addiction/illness/disease/compulsion (whatever you prefer). Some like to bear all to family and friends whereas others decide to deal with it themselves. Some attend GA and/or counselling and others don’t feel it’s for them. Some hand over all finances to someone else and others either prefer not to or feel it wouldn’t be practically feasible. I have done all of the above (both sides) at different stages throughout the years and am still figuring out what works best for me.
The one that interests me today is the handing over of finances. I totally understand why CG’s do it especially at the beginning of recovery. It’s an excellent barrier against gambling even though it doesn’t help with the compulsion to gamble. I’m 32 days GF at the minute and still have complete control over my finances. Whilst it may not be practical to hand over financial control I could do it if I needed to and if I honestly felt it would benefit me. I started my recovery 32 days ago whilst I still had access to a fair amount of money (and still do). Some may see it as an unnecessary risk but for me personally it helps me to know I haven’t gambled even though the opportunity is there. I have self-excluded from all online sites though which is a barrier I felt was necessary. I feel stronger every day to be able to stand up and face the all the problems I have, not just gambling. I guess what I’m trying to say is I can definitely see the point in handing over financial control initially as the first few days and weeks (sometimes months) are the hardest but there comes a point where you will be faced with having a chance to gamble (either cash or online) and therein will be the true test. The desire to stay GF and in recovery will be tested no matter how much we try to hide away from it.
This is just my personal opinion and I do encourage anyone who feels they need to hand over financial control to do it especially in the early days. I do like the 12 steps of GA and attending the meetings which I find has helped me immensely.
Sam Crow wrote:
Reading through the forum today I realise there isn’t just the one path to recovery from this awful addiction/illness/disease/compulsion (whatever you prefer). Some like to bear all to family and friends whereas others decide to deal with it themselves. Some attend GA and/or counselling and others don’t feel it’s for them. Some hand over all finances to someone else and others either prefer not to or feel it wouldn’t be practically feasible. I have done all of the above (both sides) at different stages throughout the years and am still figuring out what works best for me.
The one that interests me today is the handing over of finances. I totally understand why CG’s do it especially at the beginning of recovery. It’s an excellent barrier against gambling even though it doesn’t help with the compulsion to gamble. I’m 32 days GF at the minute and still have complete control over my finances. Whilst it may not be practical to hand over financial control I could do it if I needed to and if I honestly felt it would benefit me. I started my recovery 32 days ago whilst I still had access to a fair amount of money (and still do). Some may see it as an unnecessary risk but for me personally it helps me to know I haven’t gambled even though the opportunity is there. I have self-excluded from all online sites though which is a barrier I felt was necessary. I feel stronger every day to be able to stand up and face the all the problems I have, not just gambling. I guess what I’m trying to say is I can definitely see the point in handing over financial control initially as the first few days and weeks (sometimes months) are the hardest but there comes a point where you will be faced with having a chance to gamble (either cash or online) and therein will be the true test. The desire to stay GF and in recovery will be tested no matter how much we try to hide away from it.
This is just my personal opinion and I do encourage anyone who feels they need to hand over financial control to do it especially in the early days. I do like the 12 steps of GA and attending the meetings which I find has helped me immensely.
Most important part of all that for me is you are giving yourself time and space to make the right decision using as many tools and support as possible. Its great your attending GA and using the 12 steps. Have you got more involved yet, trying different meetings for example? Tri
Had a nice busy but relaxing weekend if that makes any sense. Friday night went to a BBQ and ate all round me. Good craic with the lads watching the footy and playing darts, I even got to see the little guy as he was up with his Mum (she is good friends with my cousin). Later that night one of the lads asked me were we back together but I just explained that’s how we get on most of the time (which is very well), unless she’s in a bad mood and I try my best to stay out of the way lol (although this isn’t always possible!)
Took the little guy to the pool on Saturday and he was splashing about enjoying himself as usual. Went up to buy him a new car seat that afternoon in mothercare, got it installed and all by the girls there so let’s hope it’s up to my ex’s standards! Played snooker for a couple hours then went for a bite to eat with couple of the lads later that afternoon and had a nice quiet Saturday night in watching the footy.
Did very little on Sunday apart from take my aunt out for a drive for an hour (she lives on her own and rarely gets out of the house). Spent the rest of the day watching Netflix and playing my old Gameboy Colour which I happened to find. The classic PokГ©mon games never go out of fashion!
Looking forward to the GA meeting tonight to ‘get my medicine’ as they say. I used to despise Mondays but they are a lot more bearable these days.
Great meeting last night and a full house GF which is good. Few really powerful stories and one fella in particular who is going through a really hard time with his family and health issues. It would have brought a tear to your eye and really puts things into perspective and makes you be thankful for what you have. Was a bit worried about another lad who is GF the same amount of time as me says he’s not a gambler anymore. Nobody said anything about it but in my therapy I mentioned about me being a CG now and for the rest of life and how I have come to accept that. There is no miracle cure but I am in recovery which is the important thing. I’ve tried this route before where I abstain for a length of time then decide I’m somehow free of this addiction and I can control it, it doesn’t work. I feel comfortable enough now telling anyone who wants to know that I’m a CG in recovery, in fact I’m proud of it!
Not much to report from my last post and still GF. Hopefully get to the play park tonight with the little guy weather permitting! Long work shifts tomorrow and Monday, working in the bar both nights as well as my normal job during the day. 2 x 16 hour shifts but it is worth it!
Feeling a bit down in the dumps today even though it’s Friday. My ex is at a wedding that I would be at also if we were still together. It reminds me of all the good times we shared at weddings, mid-week and weekend breaks away and holidays together. Everything was always great when we got away just the two of us from everyday life and some let’s just say difficult people. As soon as we got home though it was just back to the same old cycle. Pity the way it’s all turned out and I think that ship has sailed. Maybe it’s time to begin to move on with my life.
Hi Sam,
Sorry to hear you feel a little low today. It's not very good to dwell on negatives. Keep good memories close by your heart, they were true and honest feelings you have had, but look at the situation as it is now. Do you think your other half is happy ? Do you wish her happiness?
Ship may has sailed or not. What you're doing now is what counts the most. Keep working at it one day at a time, forgive yourself for the past mistakes and never fear what lies ahead. You simply don't know. Keep making recovery work because it's in your power, the rest will start falling back into place accordingly. Keep believing in yourself and cheer up!
Stay strong and keep looking after yourself.
Sandra
Thanks Sandra for the advice. Couple of good questions raised there.
Do I think my ex/OH is happy - No I don't, in fact I'm almost sure of it.
Do I wish her happiness - Definately! She is the mother of our child and I want him to see both parents as happy as possible.
Feeling better this morning after a long work day yesterday. No plans in particular today so we'll see where it takes me. Gamble free of course!
I considered not posting today at all as I don’t want to seem like a whining little child but figure this is my diary and someday I’ll re-read these types of posts and smile.
Started the day getting out of bed at 7:30am and won’t get home till about 1am tomorrow morning after working my 2 jobs. I’m off Tuesday & Wednesday though (public hols) so that’s not too bad. I’m finding it really difficult to get out of bed in the morning even more so than usual. Trying to see the positives can be hard but all I have to do is look at my phone and see my son’s smiling little face. He is what gets me up in the morning. I know there are millions out there worse off but it’s hard to see sometimes. I consider myself a very empathetic person and maybe that works to my detriment at times. I take on other people’s problems and try to help the best I can but there’s no pleasing some people (not alluding to the forum btw). I would love to post positive things and pretend I’m feeling good all the time but that would be lying to myself and I’ve done enough of that.
Missing GA tonight because of work but I’ll be there on Wednesday instead and looking forward to it. On a positive note no gambling to report and 42 days now which is a nice return.
Decent meeting last night. One stand out story from a lad returning after a couple years away who’s last bet was earlier in the day. You could see the pain and emotion in his face. He knew what he was doing was wrong but admitted he didn’t think he was ready to stop even now. We’ve all been there. Everyone of us in the room had been there and we probably needed that little reminder of the raw pain he was feeling at the time. I sincerely hope he’s doing ok today but something is telling me otherwise.
Back to work this morning after the mid-July break and the sun is shining outside! Looking forward to seeing the little guy later, who knows we might get to the park tonight weather permitting!
So I've finally made the step by asking my ex for more time and overnight stays with the little guy. What's the worst that can happen anyway? She says no? She wouldn't have a good reason for that though as everything is in place and he loves it up here. He's on solids now so I can feed him, bath him, the lot. I am a good father as she knows and just want the chance to be with my son as much as possible. No reply from the text yet so watch this space!
Still no reply from Saturday but I’ll be picking up the little man tonight as usual so it’ll be an interesting one. It really will depend on what mood she is in. I need to stand my ground though and not go into compromising mode again, I’ve done that for far too long.
It’s Day 49 on my GF counter so tomorrow will bring a decent milestone. I can still remember the pain from the first few days. I am reminded by every newcomer in the New Members section of the forum. It keeps me on my toes and helps me realise no matter how many days are clocked up I’m only one bet away from oblivion and that awful lifestyle. Gambling is everywhere, there is no getting away from it unless you bury your head in the sand. Instead of hiding away I intend to face my fears head on, in all aspects of life not just gambling. You soon realise the fear itself is often worse than the outcome.
Looking forward to another GA meeting tonight and get my medicine!
Wishing you strength Sam.
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