Peace and Harmony once more.

Welcome back
Sorry it's not on better term's
I guess guy's like myself can learn from members like yourself that even after a long spell the demon still lurks in the shadows.

All the best going forward
Deano

Thanks Deano. Hope you are doing well. How long have you been gamble free for now?

Our Lady.

Mixed feelings between thinking about wanting to gamble and thinking about how it actually "does my head in"! Sensible head still seems to be firmly in place however, which is good.

When I hadn't gambled for just over two and a half years, financially this was good, however, I must admit that I still missed wanting to gamble every now and again. Is this a bad thing? I suppose no it isn't, as long as it remains the odd bet, one that I can afford and does not do any damage to my finances and more importantly, my mental health. Then I think that maybe this is a bad thing, as this has possibly been the reason for it creeping back into my life the last few months and causing me not to pay some of my important bills. Getting those feelings of despair and being quietly skint two days after being paid and having to wait a month before I am paid again, takes some doing I can tell you. That,s what I don't fully get? - when I have no money, I can be really tenacious and able to control and manage extremely well, on very little money, yet also, when I do have access to money these last couple of months, that self control has gone in a flash! It's time for the positive self talk again.

I am conscious that I am going to be inheriting some money very soon. I have already inherited half of it. I think this is what got me gambling again. No need to tell you the outcome of that. I lost the bulk of this on gambling. Out of £11,000.00, I only managed to keep around £3,000.00. I am shortly going to receive another £9000.00 and I do not want to be so irresponsible this time around, hence me coming back on here.

So the story it seems, is that when I have money to spare, I have found myself gambling and unfortunately, gambling hard, with really bad consequences. I have been left this money by my very kind relatives, who have passed away and I feel ashamed to think that I have already used the bulk of this to gamble. I want to make amends and spend/use the remainder of this sensibly and in a way that my late aunts and uncle will be proud and more importantly, be proud myself. I need that self control back in my mind and remind myself, what will more than likely happen if I do break into it for gambling purposes.

Just writing this, right now, is making me feel more confident about knowing I do not want to spend any of my money in this way. I hope it remains that way too.

Take call all.

Our Lady.

Hi, thank you for your kind comment on my site and I can't believe you took the time to read my diary!
Yes we're similar ages so you're also probably thinking - what are we doing?? We should know better shouldn't we??
Massive congratulations on your couple of years gf.
I can totally understand you receiving money and gambling it. In my deranged way of thinking I've imaged this - even spoke about it to my councellor and come to the conclusion that I'd gamble some away if I received some. Stupidly I realised that I said I'd be willing to lose 'x' amount, (that's because I know I always end up losing!!)
Whats done is done. You are set to receive another amount. This time I hope you can enjoy spending the money and seeing something for it - making brilliant memories that would make yourself proud instead of memories which cause self - hatred and disgust.
Be kind to yourself. Sit back and daydream about what you could do with the inheritance. I'm sure you deserve some happiness - reward for being 2 years gf from this horrendous addiction.
I have every confidence that you can start again and stay gf. Give youself a hug, leave all the losses behind - Happy daydreaming! X

Thanks Little Miss. Day dreaming is good - it helps you relax so much - which is something gambling definitely doesn't!!

Have a lovely g.f weekend.

Day 6

A lovely weekend planned with my lovely mum, who will be 90 this year and my sister. Out for lunch then Country and Western show this evening (it was her Christmas present from me and my sister)!

It feels so nice, having this planned and not having those tight knots in my stomach, due to gambling all of my money away the night before! Today instead, I feel calm and in control - my new motto!

Take care all and have a lovely weekend.

Hope you have a fantastic time, stay strong and positive x

Thank you Anon.

Day 7.

Hi all. Have had a lovely gamble free weekend with members of my family. No stress, no knots in my stomach, no ruminating over how much I have lost the previous night on gambling = peace and harmony.

Two days off work tomorrow and Tuesday so feeling happy about that. Going for a nice facial as a little treat. Gambling and losing all my salary certainly does not allow me to have these little luxuries (or the most basic of things for that matter)!

Take care all and have a good week.

I absolutely understand where you're coming from in the above first paragraph.
Enjoy your time off x

Thanks Little Miss.

Day 9.

Just a quick note to start a new day. One of the main things that got me through abstinence last time, was me setting myself mini goal(s) each month. I have decided that I am going to do the same again. Pay day was always the main trigger for me gambling all of my money away. I will therefore, be setting some mini goals up to deal with this. Too tired now however but will be back tomorrow.

Night all.

Our Lady.

Good thinking Our Lady, setting the goals making the targets and moving on to the next one that is how I work just now, In fact every morning read this forum.

Sets me up for the day.

Stay strong Stay G/f

Malc

Thanks Mal. I am to.