Peace and Harmony once more.

Day 11.

Right then - time for some mini goals! As I said in an earlier post, setting these really helped me stay focused, positive and free from gambling. I am going to set myself some mini goals for each payday and then tick them off when I have reached them. Here goes:-

1. Do not gamble any of my salary, when I get paid on 20th.

2. Pay all of my monthly bills.

3. Do not gamble a penny of my inheritance money when I receive it.

4. Treat myself to a facial.

We can all become consumed on what we must not do so I feel it is really important to think of something positive we can do instead and for me, this month is my treat to a facial - by god I need it after the last few months of stressing due to gambling episodes again!

Ok, so they will do for now and once I have completed them, I will tick them off on here.

Tired but peace and harmony resumes once more.

Take care all and it's "Good night from me"!

Hey thank you for dropping by my diary. Liking your mini goals - I like to do something similar and this time I have a major goal too. No gambling for a full year. I've never done that before since joining the site. I think you sound determined to meet your goals and i wish you well. Never had a facial myself, but sounds like a lovely way to treat yourself for not gambling. You sound like you have a good understanding of when you gamble and also, like me, you sound pretty well able to control your finances, aside from the gambling.

Keep winning by not gambling !

Thanks for the post on my diary and well done for some positive progress in the past 11 days, I hope it continues and I hope you have the control to stick to your plans for payday. I hope you can work on some blocks that work for you and make that next gamble harder to do. As for the couch to 5K, if I can do it anyone can do it! Exercise is supposed to be good for our mental health so its more than just the fitness side thats making me give it a go.

I look forward to hearing more about your progress. Keep it up.

Thank you born again.

Thank you born again.

Day 13

Have just excluded from the one and only gambling site I can access (since I have excluded myself from all other online gambling sites). Betting shops and casinos are not an issue for me and I have no interest in either of them so all good there.

I have no intention of gambling when my next payday comes around on 20th March, nor do I want to use any of my forthcoming inheritance on gambling either. We all know how our minds work sometimes however and how for most of us, as in the words of Oscar Wilde "can resist anything except temptation"!!

It's all about what blocks works best for the individual and for me, exclusion was the one thing that kept me gamble free for two years and six months. So exclusion it is again. Also for me, I have found, whenever I have received a substantial amount of money (substantial being relevant to each individual), I have found this to be a trigger to try and double this amount, to pay off some/all of my debt. I am sure that if for many of us, we did not have large amounts of debt and just needed to deal with the non gambling bit, we may succeed for longer. In the last year, I have been awarded three separate payments, which could have gone to so much use and enjoyment but unfortunately not. Hence, putting this final block in place - I have no yearning to try to double my final inheritance payment. I am not paying off any debt with it. Like I said in an earlier post, lots of us on here, go over and over what we must not do and how we deprive ourselves of lots of things, when in actual fact, we need to also be kind to ourselves during our recovery too.

The debt will continue to be paid off in small amounts each month for now. Later, however, I may be able to pay it all off but for now, it's all about the present for me and right now I remind myself that I have the following:

A roof over my head with a fair bit of equity in it,

A full time job

A car that's paid for

A loving and caring family

A group of very close friends - (who know nothing about my gambling). I feel easier and more comfortable with this. Each to their own as the saying goes. My sister and my brother know and I am fine with this.

Have a lovely gamble free weekend everyone. I am about to too!

Our Lady.

Thank you for your recent post on my diary and well done on excluding from the site Our Lady.
We sometimes forget everything we have to be thankful for. Im conscious of the fact that some of us are more fortunate than others.
You can do this, you deserve to get back on the right track - when your inheritance comes through make sure you enjoy it!! x

Hi our Lady and thanks for the post

Good positive post above. I'm a firm believer in the reward strategy. It's the whole point you have to learn to love yourself again. People seem to beat themselves up over debts but what's done is done. I think your right in spending the inheritance on yourself. There's no harm in paying the debts of slowly.

I like what you posted above you're reminding yourself of your positives instead of beating yourself down with negatives. You've obviously had a good run before so there's no doubt you can do it again. There is a better life to be had and gambling doesn't play part of it. Here's to a bet free future

Best wishes

Deano

Thank you both Little Miss and Deano. Much appreciated.

Day 15.

PHEW! - Have been so tempted to gamble in the last 24 hours! Not sure if this is related to me being back on this site and reading/writing posts on a daily basis, bringing gambling to the forefront of my mind again. Instead of just going about my daily business?? People's thoughts on this maybe?

REALITY! Went through all the online sites I was once with and was happy (and relieved) to hear that I was still excluded from each one. Funny thing is, when I was doing this, I could feel the anxiety/stress levels gradually increasing in my body and thankfully, quickly thought to myself, "I don't need this, it will only result in the "same old same old"!

GRATEFUL! So, It's Monday, start of another week. It's a lovely bright day. I am off all week on annual leave, I have got some nice things planned and I have got money in my bank account to spend on these plans. Roll back a month ago, when I had spent most of my salary on gambling and found myself miraculously getting through the month with no bills paid and hardly any money in my purse!! (I am shuddering now at the very thought).

NICE THOUGHT FOR THE DAY! - I am going to the hairdressers and I am going to a lovely Indian restaurant later for dinner. Could I have done this if I had lost all my money on gambling? Not a cat in hells chance!

Take care all and so will I.

Our Lady.

Day 16.

Still on annual leave. Had a nice lie in. Woke up and for the remainder of the morning, read lots of diary entries - Little Miss, I read all of yours! You are doing so well and you are no quitter that's for sure. Well done you.

Not long back from a trip out to town. Was lovely being off and being able to stroll around at my leisure. Even more lovely, was the fact that I was able to purchase items too! This year is a huge year, in terms of family celebrations. It is going to be an expensive one too - maybe this is one of the reasons I was lured back into the path of gambling and self destruction once more. Anyway, today, I have managed to buy my sister a lovely Antler suitcase for her 60th Birthday present in April, some lovely champagne saucers for my lovely nephew/godson, as part of his wedding present (going to also pay for a night in the penthouse room, in the hotel he is getting married in in July this year). I feel so happy and content when I am able to purchase things for other people. I also firmly believe in treating myself too - no matter how small. It still gives you the "feel good factor" I believe. Therefore, I bought myself a Bobbi Brown "re-touch wand". Like I said in an earlier post, I need much more than this to sort my face but It's a start! Jokes aside, I feel much better doing this than waking up (after very little sleep), after a whole night of throwing away, all my hard earned salary on gambling and then feeling absolutely dreadful about it both emotionally and physically.

Just off to my nieces - she has invited me to her new house for tea! Really looking forward to it. Although I love cooking and baking, it's a lovely change, someone cooking dinner for you. I have bought her some nice flowers and some goodies for her little boy too.

Look after yourselves everyone and so will I.

Sounds like youve been really busy!! Just how many hours do you have in your day??? Haha!
I can't believe you read all of my diary! I'm not sure how it reads though. I've just read a few of my early posts and it's made me realise I'm in quite a good place at the moment. I really don't want to go back to the dark, despairing place that I've been in previously, I'm hoping those days are over.
Glad you've enjoyed your day. Long may the good days continue! x

Thank you Little Miss.

By the way Peops - was just thinking about this today!

I have been part of a lottery syndicate since last September. I pay into our work's "lottery account" £4. every four weeks. I am comfortable with this and don't see this as one of my problem areas for gambling. For some, I understand that they could not do this and for others, I know they can. Therefore, I am not going to let this interfere when calculating the number of days I have remained "gamble free" so to speak. I remembered when I was last on here that some people did the lottery and some did not. As we know, our recovery methods and abstinent methods are personalised for each individual and I am okay with this - for now. For some reason, if this was just me putting a lottery ticket on, I probably wouldn't bother anymore - I rarely put my own on anyway but as it's already up and running and I am part of this syndicate, I will leave it as it is. The most important thing for me is that, the part of my gambling that is causing me financial destruction and heartache, is the part that I should be addressing and managing and that is exactly what I am currently doing so I am more than happy with this.

Take care all and so will I.

Our Lady.

Day 18.

What a funny old day it was yesterday! Firstly, I am still on annual leave and spent up until 3pm patiently sitting in, waiting for the delivery of a parcel. When it arrived, it was the wrong one so had to be parcelled straight back up again. Grrr!!! Has anyone tried to get a first class stamp these day without having to go to the post office and queue up for one? Well, after attempting to purchase one in three different shops, I then had to drive to the nearest post office and queue up for one there!! I also had a letter from the council tax, regarding my arrears of £324.00 (this was due to me recently gambling again). Everything is just so "black and white" for organisations like these. I asked if it could be spread out over the twelve months and added on to this years monthly payments. Logical and sensible I thought - oh no! - they said if I do not pay it within seven days, it will go to Court! I mean, how much would all that cost? REALLY! After explaining that I was soon hopefully going to be receiving some inheritance money, the lady then said that she would put it back until 31st March. Let's hope I get my money by then, otherwise, this poxy amount will result in Court proceedings! I rang them as soon as I received my letter. All I wanted to do was sort it in the best way I could. I wasn't trying to avoid paying the dam thing. Even more Grrrrrrrrrr....

I then went to the garage as I have water coming in to my boot every time it rains. The guy there said he was way too busy but to take it in tomorrow - I am off to my nieces tomorrow until Sunday. He did say that I could leave it there and he would ring me to let me know how much it would cost. More money!

I then had to renew my buildings and contents insurance. I went on compare the market, as I do for all things like this, to get the best price. I got a quote which was very reasonable and affordable and so proceeded to go through the very long application form. Eventually, I got to the end of the form and to my utter annoyance, a message came up saying "sorry but we are having some technical issues"! You know what's coming - GRRRRRRRRR!!! I have given up swearing for lent which was just as well today.

So..... now reflecting back on my day:

I got my stamp and posted my card

I have sorted my parcel to be picked back up tomorrow

I have since been back online and sorted my insurance out

I will "park" council tax until 31st March

I HAVE HAD ANOTHER GAMBLE FREE DAY!!!

In the morning, I am going to bake some chocolate chip muffins and then I am going to stay at my nieces for a few days, with my sister to see her and her little children. Looking forward to it. That will be a nice end to my week off work.

So today has been somewhat frustrating to say the least but I have got over it and I have sorted stuff out so "Happy Days".

Good night all.

Look after and be kind to yourselves and so will I.

Our Lady.