Peace and Harmony once more.

What a frustrating day indeed but well done you with your reflection!
Would you have reflected like that if still gambling? I doubt it.
Wishing you a wonderful time visiting your family - enjoy - you deserve it!! Xx

Thanks Little Miss. No, had I have been gambling (and lost), my mind would have been consumed with remorse and would have had no space for reflection! Another great reason why it's so good to abstain.

Hi our Lady & thanks for posting on my diary. Wow you were gamble free for two and a half years. That was some achievement! Isn't it amazing how it snares up back in with empty promises? It doesn't matter what you spend the inheritance on as long as it is not gambling. It will be a trigger but you have figured that out already so you are one step ahead. Be good to yourself but don't see gambling as a "treat". When the reels stop spinning, the despair washes over us and all we want is to stay in play. You are doing so well and your posts show us a warm, caring lady. Keep up the good work! Suzy

Thank you Suzy. Much appreciated.

Hey Lady!! Thankyou for your post! Nice to see your on your journey...I do think that if I was to receive a chunk of money I would possibly pay my debts and start gambling again..it does worry me. Funny you should say about the council tax...I was behind 2 payments..I rang to speak to them..they told me to wait til I got court summons letter and ring them, which I did...they then sorted me a repayment plan for next 12months so how strange they didn't offer you that option. anyway big bucket of support for you keep up your fight x

Thanks for your post our Lady. I said on my diary I've only just read it today.
Lovely to hear from you. I walk by your side. I need all the help I can get. Onward and upward we have to find the strength to keep going. Take care.
Xx

Day 21.

Sore throat and cold but at least I don't have anxiety and knots in my stomach through losing all my money. I will take the sore throat any day of the week over gambling symptoms!

Have a lovely gamble free Sunday everyone.

Our Lady.

Morning sorry your not feeling well, had it a few weeks back and takes some shaking off! On the plus side like you said no gambling, your doing well, it's so hard at times, I've filled all my time up now I hardly have time to breath but at least the debts are going the right way and I have money for going out etc., treating my family etc., Marching forwards, not backwards together we can keep fighting this x take care x

Thank you very much Anon.

Hey Our Lady

Thanks for your post again on my diary and well done to you too on day 22. Hope you're felling better - I've also just been off work with a flu bug and it's not pleasant. Its nice to read of all the lovely presents you've been able to buy your family and I hope you get the money in time to sort out the council tax bill you mentioned. Thankfully I've always managed to keep up with essential bills and payments over the past 10 years or so that I've had problems with gambling. I like to think I'm good at managing my finances as I have detailed plans of incoming and outgoings. It's just been obtaining credit cards far too easily that has led to me getting into quite a lot of debt over the years. About a year ago I got rid of all credit cards and consolidated debts into one loan but since then I've taken out another three credit cards. It's always been easy access to cash that's been my downfall. If you don't intend to pay off debts with your inheritance I'd definitely recommend making it difficult to access the money - either in a bank account without instant access, or asking a family member you trust to keep it. That way it won't be so readily available to gamble should the weak moments arise.

Wishing you all the best on your journey and keep up the positivity, you're doing great.

Thank you Ladies. Much appreciated.

Day 22.

Thank you Boxingdayfresh. I only ever gamble online and have now excluded from the one site I had access to so my inheritance cannot be spent on any gambling. That was the main reason I excluded from it prior to me receiving this money, as this could easily be a huge trigger and temptation could easily get the better of me. So as the saying goes "better to be safe than sorry"!! I have plenty to do with my inheritance - jobs on my house, home improvements etc. I wanted to do something nice with some of my money which would have lasting memories and not just pay off gambling debts. That will I think, just make me feel sad and angry. I am paying off my debts monthly and in the future, I could possibly offer a lump sum to stepchange, which could in effect, half my debt. I am fine with this. I am also going to pay off some of my existing credit card but not all. I feel doing it this way, will teach me the art of patience more and take responsibility to lower the balance myself instead of doing it through someone else's loss so to speak. One thing I am certain about, is that I will be taking a very sensible approach with what I do with this money and how I am going to disperse it.

Not felt too well since Thursday and therefore, a visit to the G.P tomorrow and some upcoming blood tests to follow. Who knows, this may be to do with the stress of gambling again recently, after going so long without??? I still say again though, there is nothing worse than the physical and emotional feelings you get from losing most/all your hard earned money to gambling.

My monthly mini goals are soon approaching. Pay day next Monday then the completion of my mini goals to follow, which I am 100% confident that these will be met, especially now I have put that final block in place.

Felt so guilty earlier on tonight, as my son (who has returned to university), asked if I could possibly lend him some money between now and Saturday for food items, (he knows nothing about my gambling debt). He does gamble the odd bet on horse events but is actually quite frugal with his money being a student. Anyway, I had to say no to him, at least until I am paid next week. As a mother, you feel that you should always be there for your children, no matter how old they are and I always have in the past. My son is very much aware of this however. It still made me feel awful but it just made me even more determined to get right back on track and manage my money more effectively once more so I can help him out again if/when needed. I have brought my son up to know that if you borrow from someone, you always pay them back. That way, people will always loan you again. He has never asked to borrow much but when he has, I have always got it back when he said he would and I am proud of him for this but again, that's how I have brought him up.

Just want to get this docs appointment out the way but I always like to end on a positive so my positive for tonight is: I can have a restful night's sleep, knowing that I have not got the misery hanging over my head, of losing even more money!!

Night all. Stay safe and be kind to yourselves and so will I.

Our Lady.

Hi Our Lady

Many thanks for taking time out to post on my diary it's always appreciated when someone does this. Well done by the way on your 2+ years GF lastime, it proves we can do it and I myself have had a few periods in the past where I've being GF for years at a time and it feels so much better than when we are gambling. You are totally right when you say that we have to look after ourselves first and the rest will fall into place but it just doesn't seem quite right though does it when we have family's but this is down to our addiction. You seem like you have got things in place ready for your next payday which is good and if you stay strong you will get through it like you had done in those years previous. I am having to control all my own finances and this last month was the first in many a month I've had money left and I will be either treating myself to a little something or paying it off some of my debt. Thanks once again and stay strong and you will get through this.

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren

Day 24.

Thank you Darren and much appreciated.

Now then, is it just my diary or is anyone else having to do the same? - every time I log in/post on my/other people's diaries, I am having to deal with "I am not a robot responses" and then click on all kinds of pictures! It is such a pain.

Ok so moan over. Off work at the min as not feeling great and awaiting blood tests/scan etc. I know Cheltenham is on this week so will tune into that. This is fine and sits comfortable with me as these days, I prefer to enjoy watching who is wearing what, rather than stressing over if my horse will win! !! I do enjoy watching races and even better, then reminding myself that I have not lost a single penny when the race has finished. This is just because I am off and bored, otherwise, I do not watch any other horse racing as a rule - have got better things to do with my time (and money)!!

My positive for today - it is a lovely bright and sunny day and another day of calmness, peace and no gambling.

Take care all and so will I.

Our Lady.

Day 25.

So this morning, woke up full of cold - so glad I am off work already. I must say though, feeling like this, is a piece of cake, compared to the horrendous physical and emotional feelings I got after gambling all of my hard earned salary away! (Shudder)!!

Positives for today:

I have a loving, caring family - I have not felt great the last week and they have been there for me;

My pay is covered when I am off work - bonus;

I rang my bank to discuss my missed mortgage payment - it's always good to talk I feel. Now sorted and arrangement in place.

I am feeling calm and peaceful;

I remain gamble free.

Take care everyone and so will I.

Our Lady.