Good morning all,
Some of you may remember me from the distant past. I would like to apologise for my sudden departure a while ago. Whilst I do not wish to go into this in detail, I felt that GC was no longer a tool for helping me in my gambling recovery journey. I am only back to post on someone's diary and to update my current situation for my virtual gambling friends, old and new.
DFD stands for 'debt-free date'. Since leaving GC, I started my own diary on my PC. This diary is saved in the Cloud which means that it can be accessed via my portable computing devices at any time and I have found this to be a most useful tool in my continuing battle against those gambling demons. Writing this diary has meant that I am able to share anything without the fear of anyone else, particularly from my workplace, knowing of my 'secret' addiction. There are nearly half a million words in that diary, it is password protected and I will be very happy for it to be shared should my life end unexpectedly.
It has not been a gamble-free zone for me since leaving GC, unfortunately, with the last event happening just under two weeks ago. However, I have managed to sustain longer gamble-free periods and gambling episodes have occured less often than in the past. This has led to my DFD being just over six months away. Yes, this would be the first time in my adult life that I will be free of any loans or credit cards. The first time in around thirty years.
Six months. Under 200 days. With the New Year and new resolutions coming up once again, this is great timing for me to be able to achieve this. I have always found the start of the New Year the easiest to remain gamble-free and I managed a 162-day gamble-free run at the start of this year. My vices continues to be the bookies on the high street and their lack of compassion and effort to help problem gamblers continues to frustrate me. I have had recent communications with other organisations linked to problem gambling, particularly with the lack of access to deaf people, and once again, these have come to nothing.
I have learnt not to get frustrated when these things happen and this has really helped me with having a DFD being just over six months away. This why I am not going to log in from the moment that I click on 'Save'. However, I will come back in just over six months' time and hopefully share that fact that I am, indeed, finally entering a period of my adult working life where I can say that I am debt-free.
May I take this opportunity to wish everyone on here every success in the choices that you make in your quest to be free of the horrible gambling world. Enjoy your Christmas and make 2018 the year that you make huge strides in your life.
NT
x
Good for you NT. Look forward to you checking back in debt free
Hello GT. NT, and, I hope, soon to be 'T'.
How nice to read a post from you after all this time. I do hope that you update your diary in 6 months' time, it would be really cheering to see a success story.
all the best,
Mm
Good morning all,
This is justa quick update to say that through my hard work in saving as much money as possible and by not gambling, my DFD has now moved forward a month. I am now just over 100 days away from my DFD which is something that has never happened before in the past 30 years of my life. There is still a possibility of a large, but important, bill coming in the next 100 or so days but this would just put my DFD back one month.
Yes, being a compulsive gambler has meant that I have had to really look after my money in the past but there have been far too many occasions where I would gain £20 or so through selling something online only to lose hundreds or even thousands by gambling. I have many achievable targets for 2018 and one of the most important ones is to never, ever get complacent. We are all just one tiny, tiny bet away from disaster.
I have seen comments on here and elsewhere about this new FOBT law coming in where they are planning to reduce the £100 (or £50) stake to as low as £2. This does absolutely nothing for me as 95% of my gambling episodes have come from playing on the slots on the FOBTs on a £2 stake. The deadline was a few weeks ago and I have heard nothing since but I am secretly hoping that some sort of account will be needed for anyone to play on a FOBT anywhere in the country. This would make it so much easier for compulsive gamblers to self-exclude.
I am fully aware of what is going to happen after my DFD as I would then enter completely unknown territory to me. Yes, I will treat myself to a holiday in the summer and a nice gadget or two before the end of the year but I will also need to tackle the long-term aspects of my mortgage. Not having any loans or credit card debts will make it so much easier for me to deal with this then.
Until my next update, please can you all make all the right choices for yourselves. I know how difficult those choices can be but trust me, where I am right now is a nice place to be.
All the best,
NT
Less than one week after my last update and I have made the wrong choice yet again. It is so disappointing especially as I am so close to reaching my DFD.
The DFD is now back at its original date and I am now really desperate to make it.
New day tomorrow.
Again.
NT
Hi NT,
It is a new day and you are being honest with yourself and the forum so well done and you are determined so you will find some strength from somewhere.
Keep up the fight!
Wilsy
It's nearly March and nearly another month gone in 2018. It's also another month less to worry about before I reach my DFD.
Things have been absolutely fine since my relapse nearly two weeks ago. However, I remain extremely cautious as the next wrong choice is only just around the corner.
Those wrong choices may seem impossible to an ordinary human being but to a problem gambler, they will remain forever hanging around.
Onwards an upwards once more. The dream date remains in my vision.
NT
This time last year, my DFD was to be next month. This date is long gone but it was a target for such a long time.
What a far cry from the horrific times of the past when my debt-free date was years away.
Then another additional few months.
And another few months.
And repeat.
I went for a walk this morning with the knowledge that I am in a good position right now. I say 'good' as I believe that I am far from gamble-free issues. After all, my last gambling episode was just over two weeks ago. It is a wonderful feeling knowing that my DFD is just over 100 days away and I have already got big plans on what to do afterwards, both financially, socially and as a way of rewarding myself in the right way.
It remains to be seen what life will be like being totally debt-free. This has never happened in the whole of my adult life and I think that it is very important for me to make concrete plans on what to do once the DFD has been passed.
As for the previous comment about me being 'There' instead of 'Nearly There', I know that this won't happen. Once a problem gambler, always a problem gambler. The nature of this horrible secret addiction remains by and large unknown to the masses and I will include gambling organisations in this group. I know what it's like and so do the majority of you on here.
It's all about how you deal with being a problem gambler. Apart from one bad decision this year, I have made all the right choices in 2018.
Onwards and upwards as ever.
NT
You have been on here a long time giving people a lot of advice. But you never stick to it. Being debt free is brilliant mate. Enjoy it look forward to the day. I’m like you I never totally stop gambling but I deal with the little I do plus I don’t lose much.
Thanks for your post, Boro, and you are right. I never stick to advice. Harsh words but very true.
This is another reason why I don't post on other peoples' diaries right now.
Never say never, however, as I simply have to stop. This won't happen this year as I have already gambled once. It may happen next year or the year after that. What really matters is that I am on a downward trend in terms of the number of gambling episodes.
Whilst you may be able to carry on gambling and not lose much, this simply cannot happen in my end. Once I start putting the first note inside a machine, I become a totally different person - a person who simply does not know how to stop.
The DFD is at the forefront of my mind every single hour of every single day at the moment. I am still able to treat myself at certain times in the next few months but every other penny is going towards the DFD. It is the few months afterwards that I will really be able to treat myself - I can wait a few months for that.
After all, I've waited for the whole of my adult life.
NT
i have self excluded from all the betting shop in my local area and off all online accounts. The only time I gamble is if I get my brother to put a £5 or £10 on a horse I can’t go in the betting shop because if I go in with every intention of just backing a horse I end up putting it in the machine. Which ends up with me losing a lot of money. Enjoy being debt free nt when the time comes. I was over £13000 in debt now I have none and it feels great. Good luck
Dreadful day today.
It's a £30 maximum bet from now on. If I can almost ruin my life and have had to scrimp and save for the most part of my adult life whilst still being able to hold down a pretty good full-time job due to gambling on £2 spins, then I really fear for the future of my country.
I am just flabbergasted that nothing else has been mentioned with regards to gambling controls particularly with FOBTs. My suggestion of having to open an account and sign in each time you play on an FOBT thus making it so much easier to self-excluded have continued to be ignored. This is coming from someone who knows what it is like to be a problem gambler and I know that there are many, many others on here who would echo my concerns.
But I am not going to let this get to me. I am now on double-figures. Double-figures of the number of days before I can say that I will finally become debt-free for the first time in my adult life. We are talking about forty years here.
In the past, I would let something like this invade my desire to stay gamble-free but not this time. I am so close to achieving my dream whilst still realising that there is still a very long way to go.
I'll get there. I just have a real fear for the future of the vulnerable young people of our country.
Sheer, real fear.
NT
It's really hard to take the news from Monday in.
I just cannot believe it! It's just so awful for the future of our country and our soceity in general that this sort of thing can continue without proper and efficient controls. We have now had thirteen awful years of the gambling problem escalating and I have been very unfortunate to have been sucked into this.
But this has made me more determined to reach my DFD. There is light at the end of my tunnel. It's a very small light as I haven't reached that date yet and I have never reached that date in the 30 years of my adult life.
I'm home now after another very busy week at work. It was the type of week where I used to have a real need to 'entertain' myself by feeding note after note into a machine before coming home hours later with a Pot Noodle for dinner.
Not today. No, those days have long gone. Thank goodness. However, I am far from free from the evils of gambling and the one gambling episode that I went through in 2018 is proof of this.
It's just so awful to see bookmakers' shares go up and the fat cats of those companies booking their next holidays at the expense of all of those vulnerable human beings that they have preyed on. Why can't the people who run our country see the real damage that these gambling opportunities are inflicting on ordinary, hard-working people like myself?!
Rant over.
Have a good weekend all.
NT
A quick update for me just to say that things are still going exceedingly well, like those cakes of the past.
All because I haven't gambled since my last entry.
Yes, I am still peeved off about the FOBT decision but there is nothing that I can do about it. I just have to really concentrate on that light.
The light that is at the end of the tunnel.
The tunnel is getting shorter and shorter by the day.
I am now less than three months from being debt-free for the first time in my adult life.
That's all I wanted to say for today.
Have a great extended weekend, all.
NT
The gambling establishments called in the past week or so and once again, I listened. I don't want to give any details of what happened in case it triggers anyone's thoughts but I ended up down after the three visits. There is no point in me venting any anger towards the gambling establishments with regards to their morals, values and compassion - or the sincere lack of.
They called me.
I listened.
I could have said no.
I should have said no.
But I said yes.
It's back to the recovery journey for me once more and I am just eternally grateful for the fact that this has not affected my DFD. This remains the same and the countdown, the number of days before I reach it, remains unchanged.
However, this creates new thoughts (I was going to say 'worries' but I am trying to be positive and pro-active here) as to what life will be life for me once I get past the DFD and start to build up a nice bank of funds. I am trying to counter this with a list of gadgets and nice things that I am planning on buying over the next year or so but a thirty-year gambling 'career' will be very hard to stop completely.
The proposed large bill is now going to materialise and there is no way that I can move the DFD a month forward. That's absolutely fine by me and it's a very important large bill to be paid. I have always had the DFD set and at least I can now fully concentrate on that. Plans are already underway on how I intend to celebrate that day and it's nice to know that it's during a weekend when I will have more time to be able to celebrate. No, there are not going to be huge parties or shouting from the rooftops - just quiet contemplation and thoughts whilst enjoying fine food and drink.
The fight continues. The dream is still there.
NT
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