Post-DFD

Glad you are in a good place. Just be careful and keep it that way. A lot of hard work can be undone quickly with this addiction. You're worth more. Look after yourself and have a good Christmas.

All the best.

Good afternoon all,

Well, it's almost time for the light of 2018 to fade and it's also another time for me to reflect on my current situation. 2018 has been a year of real ups and downs. Whilst I have gambled and lost more than I did in 2017, I also reached my debt-free date and I no longer have any loans or credit card debts. This happened halfway in 2018 and my targets of having plenty of money to myself in the bank at the end of 2018 has not quite materialised due to still making the wrong choices in my life too many times. I will put this down to me getting used to my debt-free life and I have made concrete plans to avoid this in 2019. That said, I finish 2018 in the black and my mortgage balance has finally been reduced - the first time in around a decade.

The discovery of the Monzo card could well be a life-changer for me. Since opening an account with them a few months ago and switching on the 'Block gambling transactions' option, this has stopped me from making huge losses and making too many wrong choices. This card will be a very useful tool for me as 2019 enters but I have to stay on my toes at all times as a gambler will always find ways of finding money and gambling companies will always try and make it easier for the punter to throw money at them.

The decision to move forward the £2 limit on FOBTs to April 1st does not affect me in any way, shape or form. Whilst it is a step in the right direction, it is still more than possible to lose thousands of pounds in a £2 slot machine in just a few hours. I know as I have done this numerous times in the past.

2018 has also seen a year of plenty of lobbying against the evil world of gambling and the easy way that it is for vulnerable people to lose not only their money but their time, their time with family and in some horrendously sad cases, their life. You would think that this would make certain politicians see sense but I have unfortunately seen certain politicians turn a blind eye and even smirk when being told by 'heroes' that there is a real gambling problem in this country of ours. I won't waste my time by naming such politicians but TC and EH, you are my heroes. You care about the problem gamblers in this country and you care about their lives and the lives of their families.

I feel that I am in a good place at the moment due to my achievements in 2018 but the wrong choice remains to be around the corner. There is no way that I can get complacent about further successes in 2019 as I have already read on here that even after three years of not gambling, it is possible for someone like ourselves to take a huge downward spiral in their lives just by those easy and uncontrolled access to gambling, either in bookies or online.

It is good that the general public are starting to see the real dangers of gambling on the High Street but equally frustrating for problem gamblers like me. I mean, all my genuine concerns all those years back when I first became really addicted to FOBTs were quickly brushed under the carpet by gambling companies. Even CEOs of gambling companies were saying those years ago that there was no evidence that FOBTs would lead to problem gambling. That said, my frustrations in the past have often led to sustained gambling episodes and it's time for me to move to the other side of my life, one that is gamble-free and stress-free.

I have been around on here for a few years and I am proud to say that I started one of those gamble-free threads for the whole year a few years back. It is hoped that this has helped many people and I hope that someone will take on this role for 2019. For one reason or another, I no longer post on here on a daily basis. I still read posts most days as I do feel that I connect with each and every one of you on here and I look forward to seeing and hearing of many more successes.

To you all wonderful people, here is hoping that 2019 will see new hopes and dreams being achieved and that you make all of the right choices for yourself and your families.

If anyone was ever wondering how dangerous this gambling world is, have a look at this snapshot of my current situation:

I am in my late 40s. I have never been out of work. For over 20 years, I have held down a good, and very rewarding, job that takes up a lot of my hours in a working week. Since putting 2p in an arcade machine whilst on holiday when I was 8, I have had a gambling problem. Fast forward to earlier this month when I finally had the opportunity to sit on my own (no family of my own due to gambling) in my flat (no house due to gambling) whilst enjoying the first Christmas decorations that I have ever bought in my life. I already have plans next year to enhance this with my first ever tree.

This is what gambling will do to you. But there is still hope.

NT

Hi GT or NT as we go these days it sounds like a pretty successful year yes you’ve lost a few quid but on the whole you’ve had a good year debt free is a great achievement and that brings its own dangers and you not opened up them lines of credit and you didn’t dip back into them.

Well done you have a great new year and let’s make this the year

Hello all, just a little update.

2019 has started really well for me. I am now 35 days in with no money lost to gambling establishments and I have not even set foot in any of those bookies on the High Street. There have been times when I nearly phycially choked at the sorry sight of them tarnishing the declining state of the High Street in my local town - I was forced to walk past them as I went from my car to the cinema.

Yes, I have entertained myself in different ways. I have watched more films in the last month in a cinema than I have in the last decade. The money-savvy ways that I still have stop me from wasting money on the rip-off costs of popcorn and drink and I just smuggle in some of my own from home in my coat pocket. When you are watching the film, it is so nice to be fully tranformed from the everyday life that is outside for up to two hours. Yes, you can watch those films in the comfort of your own home a few months later but nothing beats the atmosphere of the cinema.

Like I said in my last post, the Monzo card will be a life-changer for me. It seems that other banks are beginning to follow suit but the major ones seem to be a bit slow in making the option as clear-cut as the one on Monzo. As an example, I travelled beyond my safe zone to pick up a bargain buy that I saw on a second-hand site. I did not take my usual debit card with me, instead I took my Monzo card, transferred what I needed from my bank account to the Monzo card and withdrew the cash that I needed. I cannot withdraw more than £100 on my Monzo card and I cannot use it in gambling establishments such as bookies. And yes, I have tried this. It worked flawlessly. If I wanted to buy something that was more than £100, then I would just simply check if the seller is happy with a bank transfer.

Getting bargains like these - whether it is to keep or to sell on - is something else that keeps my interest going. In the past, it was also a good excuse to visit unsafe gambling establishments but now that I have the Monzo card, this is much safer for me. Also, it gives me the chance to have a little peek into other peoples' lives and the houses that they live in. Selfishlessly, I have been in some people's houses and I come back to mine feeling so grateful for the flat that I live in. Obviously, most of the time I visit houses that I dream to live in. That dream will come but it will take years.

The most important thing for me right now is that my bank balance continues to rise and my mortgage balance continues to decrease, something else that started last year for the first time in decades. I have now had a few months of getting used to being in a debt-free life and having the extra money to spend but it is now time to make the most of this.

Treating myself to meals out is now a common occurence but equally, I still look out for food at bargain prices. My freezer is full and I have huge stocks of things that I get whilst they are on offer. I treated myself to a few nice things in the past few weeks and I have even looked at house prices.

That house of my dreams remains to be a dream. But it is nice to dream.

Hope 2019 has started well for you all.

NT

Good morning all and I hope that you are all keeping safe in this snow.

Today marks the first day of the month and I will endeavour to post on this forum at the same date each month. Hopefully, this will be to let you know that I will have gone through the whole of the previous month without gambling and yes, this is the case for January. This is the first time that this has happened for a whole year but to me, this is nowhere near enough.

Forty years of harnessing this addiction has stopped me from living the life that I want to lead. With the age that I am now, I do feel that this is my last chance saloon in being able to live a life that my salary and commitment deserves me to. It's not going to be a quick fix and it will take years and years of saving to finally be in that position and who knows what challenges I will face on the way? I need to be ready for these.

But right now, I am thinking of the short-term. I have spent the last 47 days without gambling and even more importantly, I have not even set foot inside any gambling establishment. My next target is to reach 50 days then two months then 100 and so on but the biggest target for me will be to reach 163 days. This would then surpass my longest gamble-free run for nearly twenty years.

News are still out there of stories of the evils of gambling and I still need to read them to keep myself reminded on how abysmal a world this is. I really do feel for those people who are still stuck in that gambling world as we all know that it is so hard to get out of this addiction; an addiction that grips you so tightly where your personality changes in an instant.

Like I have said before, the £2 FOBT limit coming in April does not faze me whatsoever as I already know that 'they' will do what 'they' can to promote the fruit machine games. It remains so, so easy to lose thousands of pounds on those games in a very short amount of time so in a way, this limit will just simply prolong the agony of the unfortunate punters who are still struggling with their addiction.

Don't get me wrong. I am nowhere near to being 'cured'. I have always stuck to my belief that however long you have gambled, it will take the same amount of time to have any possibility of being 'cured'. And only a possibility. For me, I will be in my nineties by then and hopefully still walking slowly on a golf course as I strive to achieve pars or bogies. Getting complacent is always a dangerous thing to do and I have suffered from this so many times in past attempts to recover.

The last 47 days have actually been quite easy and straighforward to none to very little urges. I am living life comfortably right now but the danger remains only around the corner. And making the wrong choice will escalate that danger to a point where I will have no hope in leading the life that I deserve. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying life right now. Work is going very well and I have been able to buy nice things for myself and my family without worrying about the financial consequences. No, I have not been able to go as far as VIP tickets to watch a theatre show after a champagne lunch at The Ritz but that time will come as long as I continue this way.

Keep making all the right choices for yourself, everyone.

NT

I am absolutely livid.

Yesterday, I found out something online that a certain bookmakers on the High Street are closing a significant portion of their shops due to the new £2 FOBT ruling in April. It was mentioned that the shops that they choose to close will depend on how many times they persuade their customers to sign up on their online site. Morals? Nope. Values? Nope? Compassion? Nope.

Words fail me on this. I have always known that with the £2 FOBT ruling coming in, gambling companies like them will do whatever they can to get around this. We all have to remain incredibly vigilant that this will definitely be the case and the actions of the above company can only prove this. This, I believe, is only the start.

I am also aware that I have been advised in the past by the wonderful human beings on here not to worry about 'them'. Don't worry, I'm not. It's just hard not to find out news like this and in a way, this has strengthened my recovery journey even further. It's now on 52 days and I have not even set foot into any gambling establishment since my last gambling episode 52 days ago.

Stay well on your guard and please make all the right choices for yourselves and your families.

NT

Hi NT

Thanks for your post on my diary. We have some similarities. I am about your age, have a rewarding job and have spent the vast majority of my adult life in debt. I am back there again, actually in a worse situation after a particularly bad relapse about a month ago . I expect it will take me at least 18 months to recover.

I really hope you continue to clock up the days. Remember the cliches- one day at a time etc- as they do work.

Continue to believe in yourself, your worth as a human being and life will get better. For my part I am tired of this now and the wasted hours. It truly is time for us to remain gf. Embrace your gf life NT. Don’t even think about money and I am sure the things you need and want will arrive.

All the very best.

I hope it has strengthened your resolve. It’s obvious that the betting shops are going to do everything they can to get people money I.e online. But surely the shops are going to close any way because nobody will be going into the shops if they sign up to online betting anyway.

Nt
My old friend I was surprised that you were surprised that the gambling industry are planning to try and retain the business they have through which ever means they can. Let's be honest the bean counters they must employ must be having a melt down at the prospect of having far less beans to count.
I will still not be at all surprised if they cook up a plan to enable customers to play 'online' in the comfort of their establishments for whatever stake they like and that I believe will be their loophole.
Whichever way I still believe that a
Reduction in the maximum stake allowed is the elephant in the room.
It goes no where with a regards to addressing gambling addiction.
As you and I both know that it will be possible to wage a significant amount of money even with a two pound maximum stake in place.
I believe that a system of means testing is the only way to truly begin to address this issue from a selling point and as we equally know, only the addict can find the desire to truly want to arrest their addiction.
Good to see you gifting therapy to other threads again, you have given a great deal to this forum in my time here.
I hope you take from it the same.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back

Many thanks for all of your messages, much appreciated.

Today marks eight weeks since I made a poor choice. This is the longest run in one year without gambling. A couple more weeks and it will be the longest run for two years.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, all.

NT

63 days today. Just 100 more to go before I start my biggest gamble-free run for nearly 20 years.

I have had a lovely day today, being able to samply a Sunday lunch which was a little bit more expensive than the norm. However, I have no qualms in being able to do this when on a sustained non-gambling run.

NT

Good morning all,

A little update. The 2019 gamble-free quest is over as I made the wrong choice once around three weeks ago. It was one of those days when I was in an unsafe area and the urges got the better of me. £230 went down the drain. Whilst this is small money lost compared to the money that was lost in the past, it is still £230 too much.

What is good though, is that I am not over-depressed over the fact that 2019 won't be gamble-free. I have gambled just once so far in 2019 and we are now coming to the end of March. This is still so much better than the years of the past. I no longer try and chase my losses, there is absolutely no point. I no longer follow up a bad choice with many more immediate bad choices.

Yes, those urges are still there but Monzo is still helping me massivley with this. This is another reason why I 'only' lost £230. Monzo and the fact that I left my normal debit card elsewhere meant that I HAD to get out of the zombie mode that I put myself into when in the gambling premises. This is something that is so, so hard to get out of and I am sure that many of you on here will relate to that. Oh, how I wish that Monzo was available all those years ago.

It is a lovely day weather-wise and I am sat here ready to embark on my first running event of the year. Running is something that I have kept going with over the past decade or so and it has helped to keep me healthy and sane. It's times like these that I am grateful for, being able to enjoy a running event with little to no money worries. I am still able to say 'Yes' to spending £20 or so on a really nice meal out at the right time. Not today as I have home-made goodies ready to cook at home but there will be plenty of opportunities to do this. This is a massive contrast to my past when I remember even being shocked at spending £5 on fresh, non-reduced, vegetables whilst still frittering away note after note in gambling establishments.

April 1st is coming very soon along with the £2 FOBT limit. This will be an incredibly difficult month for me as the gambling person in me would want to go in a see what tactics bookies will have done to entice people like me to keep those businesses open. It was so lovely to hear of a lovely looking new pub opening in place of a *** bookies and it really made me think. Yes, certain immoral people are moaning at the loss of jobs when bookies close due to this new ruling. However, in this case the *** probably employed 1 or 2 people whereas the pub - which serves food - will employ far more people. As for the comparison in the atmosphere between the inside of the two places, need I say more?

The bargain-hunting personality in me continues despite being more comfortable about finances. I bought a bargain laptop which was poorly advertised which could well make me more money than the £230 that I lost last month and I continue to take advantage of the reduced food aisles if I am there at the right time like I was yesterday. Three stir-fry meals with vegetables were reduced from £3 to 92p and I bought them all. A well-known High Street store was also selling very cheap ale and wheat beer and I have stocked up massively which will last me for months. This is one skill from my gambling past that I continue to harness.

One other thing that I am really pleased about is the upcoming balance that I will see in my bank account the day before payday. It's going to be a very nice amount and the first time that I have seen that for years. The fact that I still don't have any gambling transactions in my bank account in 2019 is also a lovely little extra - the wrong choice last month was paid for by cash.

It is heartening to see so many of you on here continuing to abstain from making the wrong choice but equally heartbreaking to see a few more wrong choices being made. We are all in very different parts of our journey and these are all journeys where very difficult choices have to be made.

So please keep making the right ones, all.

Have a good day,

NT x

Yo, good on you. Your positive attitude is inspiring , I do believe that if you can keep this frame of mind that 2019 may well see that one minor slip being the only blight on the year . Keep the faith Shiny:-)

Good evening all,

I have left this as late as possible.

Today is the final day in which the average human being can go into a bookies and lose much more than they can afford in a matter of minutes. To suffer from 14 years of that ease of use is immoral but what really matters now is that tomorrow will see new hope for many, many problem gamblers particularly those whose vice is roulette.

Tomorrow is not the be all and end all of problem gambling, far from it. I have said so many times on here that the new £2 FOBT ruling makes very little difference to me as my main vice has been the slots especially the ones on £2 per play. These are still around and they are much more readily available than those days when arcades were limited to four of the £500 jackpot machines per establishment. Although there is still a limit of four FOBT machines, the fact that there are so many more bookies than there were arcades in each town, city or even villages means that the problem and subsequent challenges has multiplied to a degree where it is incredibly hard to avoid them.

This evening, I am just going to focus on what is happening tomorrow and what my experiences have been with roulette in the past. I can remember betting the maximum £100 perhaps just the once or twice but there has been many an occasion when I have bet £10 or £20. This is still far too much money for the average punter to lose in a matter of seconds and chasing losses then becomes inevitable.

The past week has seen me visit three more gambling episodes in order to have 'one final fling' at those silly stakes. The stakes were mostly between £5 and £10 but there were a few £40+ stakes. From being £230 down for 2019, I am now £233.50 up for the year. Now, this is rare and the reason that I wanted to leave my update until now was that I did not want anyone to even think that this will happen to them. There is a 2% chance that this would happen to you. Only one of those three gambling episodes turned into a profit and it was one of those rare days when most things went right. It is now coming to a time when it will be too late to venture into a bookies in order to try and have one of those final flings anyway.

Now, I had planned to visit a bookies just once more time just to see how they have changed post £2 FOBT limit and I was going to just take £133.50 with me. But then I had a flashback...

...why did I start playing roulette games when my interests were only in slots, from the old 2p play in seaside arcades to the £2 and the so-called £50 hi-roller plays? It was when I had some thoughts one evening of just surrounding eight £2.50 bets on the number 5 (I don't know why I chose that number) just to see what happened. I had four chances of winning £22.50, four chances of winning £45 and one chance of winning £360. And yes, you guessed right. It landed on the number 5. I collected that day but the seeds were sown for many, many years of misery.

This is exactly what would happen if I went into a bookies to see what the FOBTs and the roulette games look like. Like I have said before, they will do everything that they can to entice you to play those games and lose as much of your money as possible. There is absolultely no doubt about that. I have already seen videos and photos of what tactics they already have online and I can only say that some of those tactics are appalling. I don't want to become part of that.

Putting in £133.50 of my money will only help those horrible places stay afloat during those tough times. I know that there will be job losses but closing those immoral establishments will mean better communities, less health and social problems and when nice places like cafes open instead, there will be plenty more jobs going around. People who stop losing money through gambling will have more money to spend in those cafes or whatever replaces the bookies.

No, the £133.50 will stay with me. The other £100 will stay with me. I have never, ever gone through a year where I can say that I 'won' against gambling companies and I would love to reach the end of 2019 having said that. There is no longer a need for me to chase losses as there were over a week ago and with the new ruling coming tomorrow, I am in a great position to restart my recovery journey once again.

I am not under any illusion. I am still a serious problem gambler having spent forty years of my life with that problem inside of me. Even if I went into a bookies and found that the first session post £2 FOBT limit was incredibly productive in terms of profit, the seeds will have already been sown just like all those years ago and this is much more dangerous.

Tomorrow also sees the start of a new month and I am desperate to 'equalise'. In other words, two successful months (Janaury and April) and two unsuccessful months (February and March).

The fight goes on. Let's just hope that this new ruling helps so many others on here. Just make sure that you realise that this new ruling won't be a cure, far from it.

NT

Good afternoon all,

Well, I have managed to navigate this new-look site and find my diary. It was about time that I posted an update so here goes.

Nope. I am no longer up against 'them' for 2019. I went to around £800 down for 2019 before getting back to £250 down. After two or three very bad sessions, I am now back at four figures to 'them' for 2019. 

However, I am in a better place right now. This recovery journey of mine has seen far too many ups and downs (I'm not talking about gambling-related ups, just recovery journey ups) and I suppose that it is inevitable that another down is just around the corner. I hope not and I am certainly working very hard in order for this not to happen. If by any chance a miracle happens and I don't gamble again for the rest of 2019, this year will have deemed to be a hugely successful one in terms of the number of wrong choices made and the amount of loss for the whole year. This is my goal.

So, what of the new £2 limit? It's good. There is less of a chance to endure a horrible, horrible gambling session through roulette but the danger of the £2 slots remains. I knew this all along. The experimental period of seeing what it is like post £2 limit has now been done and it's up to me to concentrate and focus on the recovery journey.

Monzo card? Still absolutely brilliant. This is a real life-saver for me and I urge anyone who has real issues with regards to using debit cards to add credit to FOBTs outside of 'safe' areas. The gambling block on the app works and I can still use my phone to make payments when I am out and about. The only time that I will need my other debit card is when I make deposits but I only ever do this in my 'safe' area.

£2 FOBT limits? Like I said, good. Certain games are now absolutely rubbish to play with very little so-called 'entertainment' value. It is also great to see less people play when I made my recent visits but I cannot say that bookies are really suffering from this until I see shops closing.

My present life? Excellent. Even though I am only 17 days in my newest recovery journey, it feels much longer than this. There have been zero urges in the last 17 days and my new slight adjustments as to how I use my daily, private Word diary - now nearly 900,000 words long, seems to be working. It's just another in the long line of trying to change certain things in my life in order to tackle the big thing which, of course, is my gambling addiction. 

I have to ask. What is that P that appears on the bottom left hand corner of the box that I am typing in? I'm curious.

That's all from me for now. Until I check in next, please do everything that you can to make all of the right choices for yourself, your family, your sanity, the community and life in general.

NT