Hi everyone, I haven’t posted on here before but I do often read the forums. I started gambling after my second daughter was born and in the space of 10 months I was in over £20,000 worth of debt. I had been gambling pretty much every single day in that period. I was so distant and completely unrecognisable.
In August of last year, I had a massive realisation of what I was doing and I came out of this faze of obsession with gambling into a depressed state of mind where I was close to suicide through the guilt of what I had done. It has been 6 months since I last gambled, and I don’t even want to even think about gambling. I just feel sick every time it is mentioned.
I have now been diagnosed by my doctor with post natal depression which obviously was a massive factor as to why I was gambling. What I am really struggling with is the massive guilt of what I have done to my daughters - financially and emotionally. I just hate myself for that period of my daughters first few months of life where all I could think about was gambling instead of enjoying all the moments with her and now I will never get those back. How do I shake this guilt and self-loathing? I just can’t believe what I’ve done.
I’m not too sure what answer I am looking for to be honest, I just needed a place to write down how I was feeling (sorry)
Dear @gambler25 ,
Thank you for your post and sharing your journey with everyone here on the forum.
It sounds like you've been going through a tough time and to have remained 6 months gamble free is an amazing achievement which you should be very proud of.
I know it's always easy to look back and wish things had been done differently but the important thing is now you are taking steps to move forward and can spend more time with your family.
Please do continue posting and sharing and if you need us we are here 24 hours a day on the helpline - 0808 8020 133
Best wishes,
Sophie C
Forum Admin
You havent lost anything.You can create those memories going forwad.Kids do not understand what we go through but they are always there for us and they love us.I used to feel the same but i forgave myself and decided to start where i am in as far as making memories with them.
I feel the same way. I have four children and over the years I’ve deprived them of both material things and, more importantly, my time. All we can do I think is try to move on and make memories going forward. Time is precious and like you, I never want to gamble again. Post natal depression is an illness. In fact all mental health problems are illnesses which often go undiagnosed or are misunderstood by people who are fortunate enough not to suffer with them. Forgive yourself and don’t waste another second of the time you still have with your precious kids.
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