Prisoner to gambling

Hi Shaun,
Thanks for the support. It is finally here, 100 days! Not been on for a while as life has been a bit hectic, but glad to report that I am still gamble free.

I can count on one hand the amount of times i've got over the century mark since starting gambling 12 years ago so this is a big achievement for me and something I really need to build on to make sure this is now the norm.

The urges are few and far between but they are still there and don't expect they will ever completely go. Watched the boxing last night and all my mates were betting on it, but I didn't really have any interest. Normally I'd be up for betting on absolutely anything, it didn't matter if I was interested in it or not, nor had any knowledge. This was gambling just for the buzz.

So onwards and upwards, a big milestone that needs building on.

Thanks for reading

James

Hi James

A massive congrats from me in reaching the 100 mark, well done.

I can relate to betting on anything, know the heads and tails game at the bookies, yep, you got it in one, I have bet on that in the past. We shouldn't laugh but once in a bookies I saw two grown men in their 50's studying the form on the cartoon races and one of them saying 'this trainers in form, let's back this one', lol!

Bad news on the FOBT's but like you said on my diary, this will motivate us even more than ever not to play on them.

Life is good without gambling, eh.

Keep up the good work, speak soon.

Day 127

Thanks again Shaun for the post, its amazing what we do just to gamble, i've bet on them cartoon races myself in the past but didn't go as far as studying form lol, that is brilliant!

Not much to report, mad busy so not been on for a while. Really happy that I am still gamble free. The money situation often frustrates me, I think I should be flush with money now I am not gambling, but I feel more skint now than ever. Obviously in time this will get better but doesn't do good for your motivation when you are no better off but just need to keep strong until the debts are repaid. The main thing is I am happier in myself and not bringing unneccessary stress on myself.

Onwards and upwards

James

Hi James

Not been posting much lately as my iPad is broke so only have phone and I find it hard to type and to be fair I ring gamcare once a week as it's easier. Nice to see you are still going strong and enjoying a gamble free life, we are all much better off without gambling, money wise and health wise.

Keep up the good work and stay gamble free.

Shaun

Day 1

I should be saddened to write day 1 on the heading of this post but if anything I’m relieved. For the last couple of months I’ve been struggling to stop myself gambling. I have subscribed to gamban so cannot gamble on any internet site which has been good, so my gambling has shifted to fobts in bookies. Self exclusion isn’t working as I will find another branch. This now has to come from me, I need that desire to not want to walk in to a bookies to gamble rather than wanting to whenever an opportunity arises.

I can wake up with the intention of keeping my wages in my bank, and then a simple outing to get a coffee turns in to a £150 loss.

Fortunately due to merging my money with the wife I only have access to a small amount of money each month so the losses aren’t bad this time and just got one more month and I’m finally out of debt, which has taken 10 years to get rid of from gambling.

I’ve managed 18 months in the past and need to get back to the frame of mind when I did this.

First aim is to get to Christmas without gambling, then 100 days then just it becoming a way of life.

I found that I substituted my gambling with watching people gamble online like stop and step, I think I also need to cut this out. It is obviously going to get me thinking about gambling and need to just shut off to it completely.

Here we go then hopefully time to put my words in to action

Thanks for reading

James

Day 9

First week has flown by and no real major urges simply because I don’t have the money to gamble.

The biggest challenge has been not watching YouTube videos of gambling, I became addicted to them in recovery last time, I thought it was better than gambling but it ultimately led to a relapse so I’ve managed to stay away from these as well. I’m using my time a lot better now and feel loads better for it.

Recovery is a journey and still learning loads

Thanks for reading, James

Hey mate

Yeah don't watch videos online of people gambling. As I've posted elsewhere in my humble opinion it's like poking a sleeping dog with a knitting needle. I've got the bite marks to prove it...

Just IMAGINE not gambling ever again... Imagine what opportunities you would present yourself and how you would feel so much more fulfilled. Then make it happen. Break it down. You can do this. It's not worth any more pain.

Don't tell yourself this is no different to the other times. Tell yourself this time it will be different. Hey... Here's a tip. In the earlier days of my recovery I read a lot on SUCCESS STORIES section of this platform... It f*****g well helped me loads. Also PLEASE check out the AFTER GAMBLING PODCAST. Please do that James and give yourself a fighting chance. Listen to 10 episodes of that then if you think it's of no help to you and don't need to listen to the rest of them come and tell me so on my diary and I will eat my hat ;o) I doubt this will happen though. Trust me.

Lastly... I'm not sure if day 9 is too early for jest but that talk at the beginning of your diary of ВЈ1000 haircuts and t-shirts made me think of a £420 pint of milk I once bought. Top that anyone... :o)

Seriously though mate... Read that section and grab that podcast. The more weapons you have at your disposal the stronger you will be in the fight. Good luck.

Hi James

Hope all is well. Well done in coming back, we keep going.

I have found the Allen Carr book a game changer, for the first time I have stopped gambling and not fretting every time I walk past a bookie.

Nobody is getting richer from my money anymore, NOWAY.

Speak soon

Shaun

Day 12

Thanks Shaun and Signalman for your kind words and support. I will be sure to try that Podcast as I find stuff like this really useful and end up watching things online about how to give up gambling but it always seems to be some really annoying person from across the water.

I also like the idea of reading the success stories, it makes sense to see where we could be if we carry on fighting this illness and gives us something to aim at!

Not much to report, just doing loads of exercise, on the bike most days and running and gym the others. To be fair I was keeping fit when gambling so there is no change but it feels good to live off the highs of exercise without the lingering doom of gambling in the background.

This Thursday is a big milestone for me, I clear one of my loans from gambling! I've been in debt for 11 years and the end is nearing. Although I've recently relapsed, I fortnuately didn't lose much as I don't have access to all my money. So things are on the up, just need to keep away from anymore loans!

Onwards and upwards, still not watched any gambling vids and no bets 🙂

James

Hopefully gone are those days where you're running on the treadmill and pumping on the speed button to punish yourself for a recent gambling loss... does that resonate with you? That was certainly my pattern in the gym for a long time! Ha ha

Great to hear you're clearing a loan - onwards and upwards friend.

Yes the podcast is from someone over the pond but he is not annoying don't worry - I hear your reservations about things like that but as mentioned just give him 10 episodes then see what you think.

Keep going mate.

Day 3

Thanks Singalman for the support again. Unfortnuately I have a relapse on Thursday on the FOBTs and after a lengthy 5 hour session on them, came away around £100 up. I was annoyed at myself for stepping in the bookies in the first place. I managed to stay away from the bookies for a whole day and thought I could just leave it and start again. But I cannot win because I cannot stop, and having any 'winnings' means my gambling brain tells me to go an 'win' some more. Obviously that didn't happen and lost the winnings. I managed to stop at that point and not put any more in. As mentioned before I don't have access to a lot of money so what was left was to get me through the month. This is where relapses are vital for recovery, in previous failed attemped, more blocks have been introduced so although this was a bad thing that I gambled, I can't go on my usual bender of pillaging loads of loaned money through the bookies or online slots.

So on Sunday, I managed to do something that took a lot of guts, and believe me I did NOT want to do it, but I did. I told my wife and cried. We had a good chat and she was so supportive. She cannot understand why I do it, as a non gambler wouldn't, but she wants to help in any way she can. It felt like a massive load of my shoulders coming clean.

This is it now, no more little slips, I need to concentrate on making this a lifestyle change that doesn't involve gambling.

Thanks for reading

James