Quitters win

Sorry Sharon, i missed your post! Thank you for your message and again well done on what i hope is the first of many more years GF. Every day matters, im almost 6 months in now and its nice to look at those a little further ahead like yourself and be inspired to follow them. Keep at it Sharon, take care.

A nice sunny day here today, but wow its cold. Bring on the warmer weather please, im ready.

Hi SJ

You are doing so well, congrats on 175 days, thanks for the comments on my dairy

Jack

No worries, am excited about what this year will bring! Can see your 200th day on the horizon S:)

Day 176

Thanks for the messages of support both of you.

Had a nice walk home along the riverside today. I live in a beautiful city, that was a big reason for me moving 2 years ago. I haven't seen or appreciated it as much as i had wanted to by now but now i see it and will enjoy it.

No gambling today, 5 days until 6 calendar months GF.

All the best everyone.

Hi,

Thank you for the kind post on my diary.

6 calendar months is a fab achievement when it arrives.

Nice one

OOONNNEEEE HHUUUUNNNDDREDDD AANNND EEIIIIGGHHHTTTYYYY

Yihaaaa WooHoo & Yabba Dabba Dooooooo

Massive congratulations on achieving 180 days gamble free.

Great progress ~ Wonderful attitude ~ Determined, disciplined and duty bound. A man of courage and valour on a mission to live a gamble free life.

Respectfully yours....stephen

LOL thanks for popping by my diary Stephen hope you are well. 6 months GF tomorrow! Will update with a better entry then. Short Sunday today with the clocks going forwards. A gamble free weekend and off work again next week using up the last of my annual leave for the financial year, all good.

All the best.

Congrats on the six months, an amazing achievement give yourself a little treat tomorrow to celebrate 🙂 xxx

Thanks Shorty1966, i haven't really given myself any "milestone" treats. Just tried to get used to the idea of using money "normally" on a consistent basis. Seems to work for me, i like the idea that i can treat myself when i want something vs buying something at a given date.

Day 181

26/09/17 the last day i gambled, 6 months ago today.

Not for the first time i had lost every £ of my wages from less than a week ago, my credit was already maxed (2 CC's, overdraft, 2 loans and over 1k from family i'd somehow managed to hide the reason for needing). For a 2nd month in 3 i had lost £850 of bill money after already being bailed out once by family. I had to stop, easy for the first month when you have less than £1 in your bank account. I knew i had to do something.

Just like i seem to do everything once i choose what im going to do i did EVERYTHING i could think of all at once. Handed cards over, counselling, SE, telling everyone i could trust everything about my gambling, i joined here, turned up at an address i thought ran a GA class to find a room full of women doing yoga (guess that meeting doesn't run anymore!).

At the time i didn't think i could stop. I'd done a month GF before, but again this was because i'd lost every £, including rent money and other bills just a few days before. I got used to just seeing how long it would take for all my money to go the next time i got paid. I felt resigned to it going. I didn't even care about it happening, just accepted it was going to.

From recovery to this point i've seen that i wasn't chasing money. Don't get me wrong i wanted it back, i didn't want any debt from it and that was one of the excuses my addiction gave me to keep going. But deep down i gambled to feel involved. When i do something i throw myself into it FULLY. When poker boomed online in the early 2000's i felt part of it. I got involved in the communities that built up around it. I didn't see the isolation of it but it kept me home alone and focused my attention away from what really matters. Friendships drifted and it became my only interaction but it felt normal.

After a while i found sports betting. Another community to get involved with. Another chance to use my knowledge and get HEAVILY involved in the numbers side of things. Again i felt part of something. Real life friends had all but gone, my working day was lonely. My life was being lived through gambling. I didn't want to lose that last sense of belonging so despite the signs of where i was heading i kept going. Extending credit, going without real life things. I got used to not having them it wasn't worse then giving up and facing the loneliness my life had become. The debts were there, another thing i'd have to face.

I'd being gambling for all my adult life until 6 months ago. It took me around 3 months to go from a "comfortable" 3k debt to the 10.5k i ended at. I hope i look back and say those 3 months, that 7.5k loss saved my life. Because without maxing out my credit i would without question not be where i am today. I would still be that lonely, miserable person i was back then. The debt might not have consumed me but the addiction very much did.

Recovery is allowing me to become the person i always wanted to be. Its shown me and allowed me to give love i never thought i had in me. Im using my emotions and feeling others emotions too for the first time in many years. I notice whats around me. What i have and what i don't need. Im just starting down this road but what a chance i've given myself by this choice.

One day at a time i will be the real me and he doesn't need to gamble anymore.

All the best.

Day 183

Off work this week using up the last of my annaul leave before the new tax year turns. Got a phone call yesterday asking me in for an interview which i had today. Went OK, we'll see. Nice to feel like at least people are reading my applications!

Off back to where i used to live tomorrow to see my cousin and his little boy. Should be nice, staying over night there.

No gambling to report, all peaceful and im content as a result.

All the best.

Hi Sj just popped by (nearly wrote pooped!) to wish you well and to let you know your are in my thoughts . Hope you have a great Easter and are living your life comfortably without any demons and negative thoughts . I’m sure we will speak soon !

Day 187

LOL Bryan, i've done that a few times myself!

Thanks for checking in, hope you are still going strong mate. Had a good week off, back to it tomorrow. Still waiting to hear on the potential new job, we'll see. I'll keep looking either way. I need a freshening up on my working routine and im excited as to where that could lead with the new positive version of myself i am creating.

Take care everyone!

Hi there. Just reading your post. Your story is quite similar to mine, it's interesting to read. I have been doing similar things as you to quit, but one thing I have taken from your post that's new for me is to work on areas of my life that I can improve. It makes a lot of sense now that I think about it. So thanks for that.

Hello Minder,

Thanks for popping by. Absolutely! We are all filling holes in ourselves with gambling.

First thing, REALLY stop your means to gamble (you know what loopholes give you chance to gamble if you allow them to be there) and after a few weeks you will start to see gambling for what it is and does to you, not what you think it does/can do to help you (it doesn't help any of us really, just a short buzz for a long pain).

We have to face our issues and work on imporving them. We are not bad people. We just got lost in the numbing world of gambling and yes it hurts when we first face up to that. Be kind to yourself, you've punished yourself long enough!

Take care, hope to see you around here getting the help thats on offer.

All the best!

Hi just wanted to say I have found your diary so helpful! As you say gambling is a form of self harm which I only realised not that long ago. Even though I have arrived here at recovery through the evil that is gambling it has made me think and have a proper look at myself and I have started to resolve alot of issues! All the best for your career path take care S 🙂