Quitters win

Hello Mixer

My birthday is the start of next month, just booking ahead for it. But yes, i'll have a nice fresh start to look forward to when i get there. Have a good weekend and thanks for all the help in and around this forum.

All the best!

Congratulation SJW on 250 days gamble free.

Excellent job well done.

Pleased to see you are feeling positive and embracing your gamble free life. With hope in your heart and a smile on your face you can cope with just about anything.

Hi belated congratulations on 250 days! You always give sound advice and are positive, brilliant. Life is so much easier being gf, not just financially but leaving behind that rollercoaster of emotions. Take care S 🙂

Thanks for dropping by Steven and Sharon, hope you are both well.

Day 256

So, we're at the end of a very long week but i feel good for the most part. Like many it would seem i was faced with the dreaded World Cup sweepstake dilemma. What to do? What to say to the question even? I'd already turned down the lottery syndicate (total dead money if you ask me). Did i say "no" to the sweepstake right away, no. I work in a pretty large group and was asked if i wanted to join in. My answer was "maybe". I don't know how or if this figures in to what i want to be a gamble free life.

If im honest i made it a bigger question in my head then it probably needed to be. I even talked to people that know about my addiction (fully, warts and all) and even they were spilt with their responses. I wouldn't join in the Grand National sweepstake because i just have never liked horse racing, is football different because i love the game?

My hope was that my "maybe" answer didn't look keen enough to be asked again and that all the teams would have been taken but i was asked again and i did end up saying "no thanks". If i had of joined in would i have felt dirty about it? Maybe. I can honestly say i am well on my way to building a life that i am loving but im also aware that my past actions and the choice to join anything that could constitute gambling could be seen as looking for an excuse or reason to start dabbling. I don't for a minute think that is what it would mean to me, i didn't go looking for an event to straight out bet on.

Last night i had a dream that i had gambled and had to reset my counter and start again. Haven't had them dreams for months now. Clearly this put gambling in my mind, not as a positive and a want to do it but as a fear of resetting what i have achieved.

This has turned into quite a long post. I'll leave it there and end with the facts that however i got there and whatever everyones views of the above i didn't enter and i haven't gambled in any other sense. Hopefully this is the last time i have to ask myself these questions for a while!

Have a good weekend everyone.

All the best.

A belated congratualtions on reaching 250 days gamble free, Sjw.

Thanks Dan =)

Day 261

Thought i'd post on here today with the World Cup starting. Sports betting on football was a massive obsession a little less than 10 months ago. Im so happy to say that i haven't even feared the usual pressure of a big football tournament. I feel like i can relax and really enjoy this one (England doing well would help that too of course). Its a massive step forwards and shows how far i have come in what is really a small amount of time. I get that it feels a massive task when you start but life moves quick, don't let it pass you by any longer.

I have been looking into getting a loan to cover 2/3 of my current debt at a much lower rate than the 28.9% APR im currently paying (the rest is on 0% until October) and will sort that out in the next few weeks. Will save me a lot in interest and will allow me to lower my payments without really affecting the amount my debt reduces by each month.

No gambling today, another good day i'd say.

All the best.

Thank you sjw for posting on my diary. Congratulations on your wonderful progress as you rebuild your life. 270 days without a bet is a wonderful achievement.

A lot of temptation around over summer and sports betting was your downfall so be on your guard. Keep blazing that trail and forging ahead to a life of freedom. You are the master of your own destiny and you can decide how to live your life. The decisions you make may not always be right but they will be yours and not some crazy imaginings conjured up by the tyrannical influence of gambling addiction.

Our time on earth is greatly enriched by not gambling. None of us will get out of this alive so let's make the most of it by embracing opportunities, living life to the full and enjoying the adventure.

Thanks for the post on my diary I see you are still doing well. Good idea to go with the re finance as I did with a bridging loan until I remortgage in December and it will be absorbed by the better % I will undoubtedly get . Ironic I paid a 4K loan off (was £2.2k when I took it) but interest rate was crazy . Once I paid it off next day I got a call from them offering me a new one at a better rate . They were over 44% shows how desperate I was . Anyway I declined straight away and thought they are absolute vultures . The old me would have gambled and took any rate they would give me . So back to your situation if you are comfortable that you will not gamble then make your life as easy as possible

Day 273

Thanks Bryan, yea im just looking to bring the debt down steady at a good rate of interest now tbh. If i can get a loan i can settle it all up and forget about it to a degree. Im currently paying different amounts each month off my CC depending on the months other expenses.

I just took out loans and CC's at "the best rate" at the time even if that was a terrible rate. My loan is 28.7% and my CC is 28.9% because it was cash transactions with the deposits. I can pay off both with the loan. It looks like i'll be paying my debt for longer than i was hoping to because of the interest i've paid already but i will be able to save a little at the same time so i will have a few more options open.

Today marks 9 months GF. I still remember that final bet, that last hope to break even and control my actions for another month or more so i didn't have to let my secret out. Turns out it was the best bet i ever lost. The rollercoaster of emotions, the pain of the losses, the shame of the lack of self control, the days that became night then day again with no sleep, holding my mobile phone plugged into the wall because i'd destoryed the battery from constantly having the screen on to watch my bets.

I was broken years before i was financially broke but it was the second part that made me accept that.

A random little ramble from me about the past there but it helps to remember that some days when i forget how far i've come in what is still a short amount of time. Still got things to work on but im a world away from those days and so greatful for it.

All the best.

Thanks for popping by my diary mate, much appricated ...... well done on 9 months plus gamble free,your doing great the debt will look after itself,keep racking up those days ..... all the best.

Congrats on your 9 years and nice post.

Was interested to read you describe yourself as usually very laid back- on the outside at least.

Certainly reminded me of someone 😉

I’ve noticed that as a common trait on here. Interesting.

Speaking purely about myself now, the chilled state I affected, was a clever way of hiding my feelings.A way of avoiding putting my head above the parapet- a way of avoiding rejection.

Avoidance comes in many forms!

All the best

Louis

Day 276

Thanks Chartom and Louis. I feel like my inner self is at peace and i am living that calm person i projected. I see a few things i struggle with that i need to work on but i have the awareness to notice that now.

Just posting tonight on the eve of a holiday for my birthday (30th) on Sunday. Fly out tomorrow. I've treated myself to (even more!) new clothes. It would appear im getting pretty good at spending money on myself where i feel like its a positive thing. I've never been drawn by wanting material things but i've really noticed i've started making a much bigger effort to look good outwardly. The massive boost in self confidence coupled with the extra effort, and the fact i don't carry around that tired, worn down look that i clearly couldn't hide (because now i really notice the difference) has made me feel like a totally new person. Far beyond what i thought i could be. Its a powerful shift in my metal state and after over 10 years gambling i wasn't sure i had half of this person even left in me.

I have (in some sense) added £600 to my debt. Im taking out a loan for a little under 7% interest to pay off my high interest CC and loan in the next couple of weeks. Im borrowing £600 more than i need. I borrowed £600 from a family member that told me to forget about it, write it off. And i did, i didn't include it in the debt i listed here. After a few months and with a clearer financial path ahead i feel like i have to pay that back. I want to pay back EVERYTHING, i should. It'll take 2,3 months extra payments sure but it was never my money and i didn't borrow on the bassis of not paying it back.

I better start packing!

All the best.

Day 282

Back from my little break in Seville. Had a good time was nice to get away and see somewhere new. Its a very beautiful city and the weather was really good too. I woke up on the morning of my 30th birthday over there which was lovely.

It's been the first holiday i've really been able to relax and fully enjoy. In the past its all been stressing where my spending my is going to come from. How many clothes i can get away with not having to buy new ones of and then worrying about what i spend that spending money on and if i have bills to pay with it. I often changed up more than i could afford to just so it looked like i was fine for money but it must have looked suspect when i was penny pinching once there!

This time i changed up what i thought i would need. I bought and spent as i wanted and i did everything (and ate everything!) that i wanted. I actually came back with a lot more than expected but it was a bonus this time round. I bought new clothes and shoes, i didn't hold back this time!

I also felt good about not spending any of my birthday money i was given by people on gambling. Though i never directly gambling the money i was given it ultimately goes into my pot of money and if i drain one part by gambling then that money does end up filling the gap that left.

In the next week or so i'll have a loan that covers 5k of my remaining 7.5k (after adding the £600 i added to give back to a family member) that i will pay over 2 years at 6.9% APR. That will allow me to just live around my debt knowing whats going where and i can pay off my 28.7% loan and 28.9% CC that currently sit at 4.4k combined, with 2.5k on a 0% until October.

Was great to see England win but as usal its never an easy watch. What a chance we have with a dream potential run to the final. I'll be watching and cheering on. No betting, im done.

All the best

It’s amazing how we can start living normally after so many years “messed up” . Fantastic to see you are doing so well and that you are enjoying your 30th the way you should . It’s 100% an example that you have just described of enjoying the benefits of being GF. If you keep reminding yourself of this then you are a lot less likely to pay all that money and get all that stress to take your old life back . Gambling takes everything . This time you made a choice to be gamble free and I for one am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too . Thanks for taking the time out to give me a boost on my diary by the way . Bryan

Day 293

Thanks Bryan, yes im doing so much better. I feel like, as you have said i've reached a point of just trying to get on and enjoy life now. I've taken the steps i needed to to get me this far, i have some blocks still in place and strong support behind me. Im living an honest open life that im not ashamed of anymore, im proud of my efforts. I still pop in here and read a good amount.

Have had a boring week at work. Quite frustrated by a couple of things that are holding me back from getting stuck into it that are out of my control.

I continue to notice lots of areas in my life that i want to keep improving on but that fact that i now notice them gives me the chance to do that. Just like everything else it'll take time.

For now life goes on, trying to be the strongest version of myself each day. Starting with the choice not to gamble.

All the best.