reborn on the 4th July

Just back in from a late shift back up at 5 can't complain I can pick and choose my hours will post loads tomorrow still feel strong for divorce and it's a great distraction from gambling not entered my head for bout 3 days

Evening kind sir,

You really are a sweety, never expected that early post. With the hrs you are doing at the moment.

Hope your day went well, those rascal staff are behaving themselves, and your stress levels have been kept to a minimum.

Dusty

Works been fine ex been ok through texts told her not to mention the letter bout divorce till she's had time to think and get some advice , my daughters got her friend staying with us tonite so it's been full on they av just gone to sleep well hopefully think I'm more worn out than what they r and av got them both all day tomorrow don't mind at all keeps me busy , gambling thoughts are nowhere in my head but still takin it a day at a time know how quickly it can bite u

castle. Morning fella i finally got to read your diary and may i say i admire your honesty in your posts and am sure this will help in you long term recovery. For me it stands out in my mind that before i arrested my gambling that 90% of every sentence i said started with "i bet", and it has only been within my recovery by taking a good look at myself that i have started to change my approach to many things like watching football, it amazes me how much more i have started to enjoy it now that the result is not critical to my moods i hope you are finding the same as early in your recovery you mentioned you struggled. Keep up the great effort fella, gamble free you are doing great things. Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning,

What a lovely day it is in my part of the world , I hope it is in yours.

You too gave me food for thought, as you will see from my epic post. Lol

Hope you and he girls have a great day out, plenty of ice cream and laughter.

As Duncs says you are doing brilliantly , the determination you show to beat this with everthing else going on is inspitional, time for a well deserved pat on the back.

Mines a 99 , if your asking , ( don't forget the sprinkles)

Dusty

Thanks for the pat on the back its much appreciated but like I av always said I'd rather praise than be praised I once went on a conference with bout 200 other managers and got singlee out for all the help I'd given to other stores I had to walk right from the back to the front with everyone clapping I hated every minute of it , why ? Cos I didn't think I deserved it , why ? Cos no one in that room knew I was a gambling addict and if they knew I would av been so ashamed , gambling for me is dirty a disease and that's the way I expect everyone to see it , I used to dread seeing anyone I knew or the thought of anyone seeing me goin in the bookies I hid it well all my gambling life not no one knew it was a double life I lead I look back now and think why , why did I gamble for what reason I av looked for that answer all my life , the simple answer is I chose to yes I had reasons why but I still took the money out of my wallet and passed it over the counter and for what to win ? Short term maybe long term no , not gambling makes u see so clearly I am so proud of the choice I av made

Had a great day kids av been good gettin tired now and falling out , in a play area now which is great for me they can play and I av had a good hour and half reading and posting I can't describe how good it feels how strong it makes me been on here it's just been so nice to be with my daughter and her friend spend all day with them see them happy been able to pay the 9 quid it's cost me to get them in here those days seem long gone sitting in bookies all afternoon and good riddance to them

Another reminder to myself how far I av come had a fair bit of stress this week , had to get rid of the car has gearbox on the way out got another one and might even make a bit when it goes to auction , started divorce proceedings very very early days though , television is falling to pieces had lo glue frame back on keeps falling off , this morning toilet leaking water from pipe letting company are shut for four days now has to be flooding for an emergency so had to put a a bowl underneath and empty it every few hours , I cud stress cos all these problems I couldn't sort straight away but I haven't again used my own advice take it a day at a time and just do what I can do , to put it into a clear perspective these problems are nothing compared to the gambling ones I had

So I started with a pat on the back and I will finish with a pat on the back and this time I think I deserve it

Well done me

CASTLE

16 - 42 .Same m8, battled on off for years with this sickness.Trouble is its now or never for me,own business, which despite my efforts to ruin it is still quite strong.( lost 20k this last 6 months) seriously sick & selfish i know.

This is it 4 us m8, if we carry on we might aswell live in the gutter.We are at that age where we have enough sense & wellbeing to beat this illness.Keep up the good work, leave it well alone

Olly

hi castle,

i want to thank you for writing on my diary and also for helping me beat the urges i was feeling bad before i read your post, im on day 6 and have bad and good day's with the urges (i expected that), reading and posting helps me so much what a site this is and the people on here are amazing!! keep strong

hollie x

Yo,

Been thinking about your last post. I think as CGs we are so disappointed with our own behaviour , that we can not see anything good about ourselves.

Our self worth hits the floor, maybe it was never there to begin with , or maybe what little we had evaporates as our gambling takes hold.

Part of the recovery journey in my option is build that back up. Starting to see the good inside our selves.

From you last post there is an inkling that you can see that the other half of you that made you ashamed to be you , has packed his bags and gone.

The time has come to start moving forward , start to like the person you are, feel proud of your achievements , not just not gambling , but at work with your staff, at home with fairy princess, just in your life.

All this will I believe help us to lead a happier existence , which will give us the ammunition to deal with what ever life throws our way without having to use gambling as our escape route.

You are right to be proud of yourself this week , many a poor soul would have crumbled under the pressure .

Respect

Dusty

I agree the confidence is getting there and certain things in life are falling into place , I know where I want to be but that's gonna take time if I'm honest 2013 is my aim to be settled but I don't look to far ahead I really do take it a day at a time and today I av not gambled

It's all about keeping that light at the end of our dark tunnels well lit isn't it?

As long as we don't gamble, it will never get dimmer.

Enjoy your weekend.

NT

Thanks NT

I don't think any of us know when that dark tunnel ends there's definitely light and that can only be a good thing , most days now are really easy now but all it takes is to av a day where everything goes wrong and of course they do happen and that's when the train can come off the track but . Think we get more prepared for them as time goes by and it makes us stronger when that day as gone and we fought the urge to gamble

No, you're right, we don't know when that dark tunnel will end. In my case, even when I hope to be debt free this Christmas, I will not have reached the end.

But that light will be so bright that I will need my sunglasses!

NT

Coincidence reading about confidence as I just wrote about this on duncs diary. I wonder how many others share the same view.

Sounds you have a lot on your plate at the moment geezer so I wanted to raise my cap to salute the way you're handling it - especially recognising the time you are enjoying with your kids. So many people take that for granted. Here's a pat on the back - if you can handle it lol 🙂

Have a great day

Just sending you a big hug.

Really hoping that this week ,is a bit easier than the last , nothing breaks, you do not have to sack anyone,

everyone in the whole world ( ok maybe not the WHOLE world) pops in and fills there baskets .the other half has mellowed after giving your letter due consideration, and last but by no means least fairy princess gets to spend some fun time with her dad.

We are like months , heading towards that light, not sure if we ever quite reach it, but as long as the light is still there we will always be heading in the right direction.

Hugs

Dusty