reborn on the 4th July

Hi castle thanks for the post mate. After reading your last post seems like we both have a better understanding of this addiction. It's great to have you on here. Your an example to anyone looking to beat this addiction. You have a great understanding and respect for it. With that you'll improve your life greatly as I will mine.

hey castle

just a night time flyer and sending you a (((squeeze hug))) to release any stresses that may come your way

night night

R and D xx

Full on with work at the moment so no other thoughts entering my mind , tryin not to stress and staying quite calm , got a meeting this Thursday with line manager to discuss last weeks visit whilst I was off , keep running through my mind what I want te say in a controlled manner and need it to stay that way but av a lot of frustration and anger inside me , I am determined to be professional bout this and move forward in the right direction after all this

Staying calm and controlled has helped as had no urges for last few days no desire to gamble to block it all out , I think knowing it will get dealt with and facing up to it is helping , its important to me I stand my ground though and not just be walked all over , I believe I am doin a good job and can back it up with facts and figures but at the moment business is tough and they are just cranking the pressure up on all of us using scare tactics to get that little bit more not of us

So should av been off tomorrow but will now av to sacrifice that day off not that I will get any thanks for it , I don't mind though as I feel very work focussed at the moment , fortunately iv been a store manager 20 years now come to think of it my 20 years service is comin up in November there would av been a time u were recognised for that achievement but we will see , been experienced will get me through this I think sometimes the people above don't like that esp when the times are tough

No news on divorce front hopefully be through by end of week was supposed to be 2 to 3 weeks from when I signed paperwork and that was exactly 3 weeks ago today , but with solicitors u just never know , not stressing ex seems to be ok no mention of another mortgage payment but time will tell on that one

Still for now one day at a time and will deal with what I can today

Yo,

It looks like you have got all the information you need to fight your corner at tomorrows meeting .

And don't we know how the boss like facts and figures .

I hope your meeting goes well , you know you are a good manager loyal to the company and your staff and they know it . And as the old saying goes ( whose like us .......Dam few) The resession has hit everyone , and if they are upto their jobs they will see this . I believe we are starting to come out of it , any large company needs to plan the way forward as the economy changes and the upturn will no doubt increase takings and profit .

I think you are right to stand your ground , and your experience will hold you in good stead to be able to do that in a professional manner .

I know it's easy to say , but try not to worry bout it to much .

Thinking bout ya .......

Shiny xxxxxxxxxx

All went well today things were said on both sides in a positive manner , a line has been drawn underneath it now and it's time to move forward

Feel absolutely shattered think more mentally than physical think this week has just drained me with everything at work , still very strong and determined on the gambling front no urges so plenty of positive on this front

It's so weird though how sometimes I can come on here and feel so full of inspiration and then other times like now and feel very little in the way of helping others , I know this happens to me and also seen with others at times and know it will pass

Sometimes I put pressure on myself to help others mainly down to putting right what I did wrong over the years , I really want to put somethin back into this society from which took so much little out , I'm learning though I need to put myself 1st and concentrate on my own recovery and like I said the inspiring days will come without pressuring myself

On that note I av my daughter tonite and will give her all the attention she deserves

Castle,

Glad to hear all went well at work. I would imagine twenty years of management would prepare you well for such difficult circumstances.

Remember to be selfish with your recovery. You come first. You offer plenty of support to others, which is much appreciated but if you don't feel like it sometimes then the least you can do is take care of yourself.

Enjoy tonight with your daughter.

Tomso.

HI Castle,

Glad to see things went ok today for you in work. Take care of you, im sure the inspiration will come back.

Enjoy your evening with your little girl no amount of money could ever buy that .

Take care

Blondie

Hi Castle,

I am glad u r looking after u cus u matter 🙂

I hope u enjoy the xfactor 2moro nite with ur little girl.... I enjoy watching the xfactor 2, my bf he is not so happy when it is on lol 🙂

Have a gr8 wknd 🙂

Been on a conference today again mentally draining taking so much info in , been a long week this week and still got the weekend to go working both sat and sat don't mind though used to it loads to do so will fly by

Though feeling tired feel a bit more inspirational posted quite a bit tonite think sometimes I just need that one post that I read which is generally a new one and the momentum goes from there

My friend knows iv been stressed and is concerned understandably thoughts of that I might go out and gamble entered her mind , nothin I can say really to reassure her as before she didn't really know and didn't know the full content of my problem but now she does and the concerns are there , this obviously could av affects on our long term relationship but that I can't control , I'm happy she knows no lies to be told no surprises to come in the future the support she would give me would just strengthen my recovery , I know this will give her every opportunity not to make the sacrifices she will av to make but how could I possibly blame her , what will be will be whatever happens my life will go from strength to strength and for now just one day at a time

Hey Castle..

ditto on the course...im just back from a 3 dayer trying to assmeble my notes and dont understand about 70% of it..lol.....head mashed.

I understand what your saying about your friend and her concerns but as we know on here ,your friends worrying will not change any outcomes as she is powerless over it ... although her concern shows that she obviously cares about you.

Maybe if your relationship develops she could herself go to GA..friends and family group.?..not sure if you are in anything like that so forgive me if I have missed reading that..... but its a good way for her to learn what other halves need to do and get reassurance so they can help in a way thats real support to you....

Truthfully....I went to shame my partner into going to GA so my intention and attitude was not right in fact it was hostile...but I should have got in earlier before it escalated.

Get some rest tonight castle...I can't switch my brain off yet and am back in in the morning...lol.

One day at a time xx

(((hugs)))

R and D xxxx

Hi Castle, cheers for the post. Can't wait to have the tattoo but I've scheduled it for a birthday treat in November.

Have a nice weekend with your daughter, just put mine to bed now. They are so lovely when they're sleeping.

Take care, Steve

Hi Castle

I know you have struggled for the past few days but be proud of where you have got to in your life...your doing great. Life will always have it's high's and low's but it is how we manage the low's that is important and the good thing is that your doing that as your staying gamble free!

Have a great weekend

Take care and sending a virtual hug

Jewels

Still feeling shattered another long day at work but again flew by , done a 6 day week and boy it's took its toll my right knee is bout twice has big as the other one just had no time to rest it and been on feet all week , most of the time I can walk ok but can't run a yard unfortunately it's not goin to get better just somethin I av to put up with , all part of the process of gettin older lol , can't complain though there are much worse people off than me out there

X factor night tonite so me and daughter just settling down to watch it , pizza and chicken wings on the go , got blanket out and snuggled up on sofa spending some quality time with her , doubt I will last till the end before falling asleep lol daughters never tired what to be 8 again !

Guess what ! Still shattered lol thankfully off tomorrow and no need to get up too early so hopefully lots of sleep , worked bout 7 hours today and it felt like half hour which I suppose for a working day I should be grateful as I know that won't apply to everyone

Been reading many diaries tonite not and av to say given me a great deal to think about , my feeling is unsettled at this moment in time and not really sure why so goin to sleep on that one

Another gamble free day under my belt and it feels good no urges just the way I like it

Good Evening,

How pleasant it is to read you saying another gamble free day with no urges. Sounds like a well earned days rest ahead tomorrow and despite the unsettled feeling I can detect a sense of calm about you the last couple of posts.

I do hope you have a strong end to the year it has definitely been a challenging few months and that's just as a sympathetic reader. I think you have been a lot stronger than sometimes you have given yourself credit for. I think we both have mentioned on occasions how we want 2013 to be our year. We know one of the key elements is written in the last line of your post tonight.

Take Care my Friend,

Flagg