Hi everyone,
I'm writing this to hold myself accountable and tell my story, which I hope I can look back on and be happy to be gambling free again...
My gambling experience started off as going to the bingo with my nan. A few small wins felt like easy cash and when I moved into a new house share when I was a student that was a stones throw from a bingo hall - I decided to go, and took friends for a fun night out. I realised I was developing a problem when I started to go on my own - so no longer being a social night with friends. This in itself felt a bit shameful - but then I discovered online bingo and knowing I could play from the comfort and privacy of my own home was the start of my downfall. I played bingo and slots online - but started staking higher amounts after a big win. I wasn't honest with friends or family about how frequently I was gambling and would only ever tell then about the wins and not the losses. It got to the point where I was chasing my losses so badly that I'd spend all my wages on pay day, I used payday loans, student overdrafts and credit cards. My breaking point came a couple of years later when I got found out after I used my joint account to gamble with and the bank phoned my partner. This was the best and worst day of my life. I had to open up about my problem and the weight lifted immediately and it felt really good to talk about it after hiding it for so long. I saw an addiction counsellor and went to local GA meetings, which really helped. I managed to go cold turkey for over 7 years and not only be debt free but actually save up a decent amount. Until a month ago, when I had a relapse. It really does show you're only one bet away from spiraling out of control again. I got sucked in by a TV ad and the next thing I know I'd downloaded an app on my phone. It started small and then before I knew it I'd spent a few hundred. The app I used had good responsible gambling restrictions in place and it wouldn't let me play anymore... so I found another one and another. I realised what was happening and self-excluded from those and felt awful. Then at the weekend I found another site. I confessed to a couple of friends and finally to my husband. This was hard but good to talk about it. I thought that would be it... but even after the difficulty of telling him I went back to it AGAIN on another site. I'm now signed up for Gamstop and put gamban blocks on my phone and iPad. I can't put it on my work laptop though. I've self excluded from all of them now and I'm determined not to gamble away another penny. I spoke to a GamCare advisor this morning after reeling from loosing more of my savings yesterday and getting no sleep.
Reading the posts on this forum and chatting in group chat tonight really helps. My husband doesn't really understand as he doesn't suffer with it himself. So getting strength from people who've been through it is the best medicine. Today is Day 1.
Take care all,
Lx
Hi Lisa
I'm in absolute awe of you to have stopped gambling for all that time. That's one massive achievement. You deserve to feel incredibly proud of yourself. It's a shame that something managed to get through a tiny chink in your armour but you've had the fortitude to not suffer in silence. It's great you have a counsellor as well. I once asked my counsellor why is it that my Aunt can go to Bingo 3 times a week, spend a fair bit but yet not be seen as a problem gambler? She gave two answers. 1) Because of how different it makes each individual feel and 2) when you feel like it costs you more than money. It's obvious I suppose but so stark when you hear it said in the cold light of day by someone else! All the best Lisa. (I've just managed 7days - but it does feel like 7 years.)
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