Hi All,
As advised today by a forum member called Bryan I am starting a recovery diary in the hope that it helps me and anyone else beat this terrible addiction.
I have a lot more to add and will do so in the coming week or so to see if there is a trend. I think I know the answer in my head but will type it up to see of there is one.
My original post in the Intro Forum is below.
Very stressful day today (my own fault) with coming to terms with how much I've wasted in the last 2 weeks. I put on a brave face for my kids obviously. It was going so well last year. I've got to stick to it this time.
Day 1 of not gambling is complete. Let's hope there are many many more.
James
I've been here before many years ago............and I'm back again.
I just don't understand it.
I haven't got a problem with betting shops. Years ago I did, but now I can walk past all 3 in the high street where I live or wherever I go and not want to walk on to one. I used to spend days on end in them. From the first horse race to the last, sometimes only breaking to nip across the road for something unhealthy to eat.
I wasted holiday days off work in those places dreaming that I would one day have loads and loads of money.
If I hadn't wasted all the money and time in there I would have at least had money or items I could look at.
I'm a qualified accountant (not saying that makes me intelligent, just painting a picture) of 10 years but I can't control my urges to waste money. It should be so simple. Odds of 1/4. Put £100 on it and that's an easy £25. Do that four times a day and that's £100 profit.
And that happens/happened quite a lot hence the short odds. The problem I have is when you start putting your winnings and original deposit on the bet. So a £100 bet becomes £125/£150 etc etc. Then bang that short price favourite (9 times out of 10 on football bets) loses.
I didn't gamble much last year but this year something started it off again. I must have been in profit and actually withdrawn some money out in January. February about break even. March, I tried again and ended up losing about £600. I had to put items on credit cards and now they are at their limit.
When I was paid at the end of March I made a profit. Withdrew the original deposit and carried on...........then bang. In one day I lost a lot. Angry at losing more in that night and again lost the lot. Some more losses and wins, last weekend came and all the winnings went.
This weekend another £500 in and on the overdraft already. Just 7 days in to the month. Lost all of that on Saturday.
Yesterday I put in £100 for one final 'go'. I was in profit around 6pm. By 9pm it's all gone and I'm left cursing.
The thing I don't get is why I undervalue money so easily. It's so easy to put £500 into an online account but I'd never dream of walking in to the betting shop and placing that money. The most I've bet on a betting shop is £20 at a time. It's just so easy to do. I had a blocker put on the laptop that stopped me from accessing gambling sites. But still I carried on, on other devices.
The above is just an example. Looking at my bak today I've deposited £1700 in to online accounts in the last 10 days. It has to stop, I can't carry on like this. I'm on a planned days holiday today and have closed my two online accounts I had permanently. But there's so many accounts and websites and so many that seem to open each month that there's always that temptation.
I just don't know why I wake up some days and think I'm going to make it today. Start on a good run, build some profit and then lose it all plus more than the original deposit.
If I could solve this mindset I would be a genius I think. I just can't figure out what makes me do it.
I'll be ok for a few weeks now as I genuinely have no money at all. Then I'll get paid again and no doubt wake up one day with a new betting idea.
So frustrating and probably boring to read but thought I'd get my words out.
Take care all.
Day 2 not yet complete, but it will be a free day again. I have no more money and that’s just the way it is for the time being. At least the Tesco delivery turned up today, so we will all eat for the next week and there’s just about enough money for the rest of the month as well. I realised I hadn’t claimed my expenses back from work for Train/Taxi fares over the last two months, so that will be £70 in to my account on Thursday. Was so busy stressing gambling I’d forgot all about claiming that amount of money. A small victory, but I’ll move it in to my partners account once it turns up.
As this is a diary I thought I’d write some of my thoughts and past experiences down so I can realise why I am going to quit for good this year.
I’ve been with my partner 10 years in June and we have two kids together. As I think I mentioned last year I didn’t gamble too much, I maybe had one or two bad months but compared to the previous 5/10/15/20 years nothing as bad as in comparison. The massive mistake I made last year was being on my own for a while. It was the start of August last year, I’d just got a new job and we were at Butlins on holiday. I was due to start my next job the next week. When I handed my notice in at my old place my boss desperately asked if I could finish the project I had started on. It worked out I’d get a £3k bonus if I did, which worked out around £2k for the project + unused holiday paid and any overtime. Of course I snapped his hand off and he duly paid the £3k + my normal wage at the end of July.
With the holiday paid and the normal monthly DD’s and bills paid with mine and my partners salaries I (I should say we) still had £3k in the bank. I should have done the sensible thing and paid off a chunk of my DMP, but you’ll know what happened…………
My 8 month old daughter needed a two hour nap during the day at that stage any my oldest was worn out from all of the activities she’d been doing in the morning and also wanted a nap. My partner said I was more than welcome to go for a wander or an early afternoon drink. So I did, I took myself to the Sports Bar. There wasn’t any live sport on, just Sky Sports News repeating itself over and over again. Phoned my Dad for a quick catch up, was going to phone my Mum and realised she’d still be at work. Likewise a couple of friends, but they would have still been at work as well.
I kept the phone out and went to an app that has no doubt lead to my bad habits. It shows all the sport on in the day and gives live updates as well. Coupled with that on the online betting account I thought “what harm can £50 do, I’ve got £3k spare”. Started the afternoon on a goal being scored in the first half of a football match. That won within 5 minutes. Done the same thing on another goal being scored in the same game in the first half. As the minutes ticked by I thought it’s not going to happen, so I’ll deposit £300 on a tennis player at 1/10 odds. At least I’ll have only lost £20 then. I don’t think my player won another game after I placed the bet. Another £500 in and so on and so on (going between scoring goals in the next 10 minutes to Horse Racing and more Tennis). By the time my partner phoned me to see where I was as they were all up and ready to go and play the £3k had gone.
As I got more and more frustrated with losing money the drinking became quicker and quicker. Within 2 hours I’d had 6 pints and a couple of spirits. The lying started, as I told my partner of all places I’d bumped in to someone I used to work with down here of all places and it was his Birthday so I had to stay longer and buy him a couple of drinks. Fortunately she didn’t think I’d been gambling, but she did think I’d been speaking to another woman!
I managed to get through the rest of the day somehow without owning up to anything. I just had to put a false smile on though as my daughter waved at me from the fairground rides as I frantically got back online with a payday loan company to arrange for £500 to be deposited in to my account. That duly arrived within the hour and we were able to go to dinner that night, nothing fancy, but it got us through the week and ultimately the month. I paid the loan off the next payday and thought I’d learnt my mistake…………..again.
I’m going to the gym on the way home from work. With the recent two week gambling binge I’ve found I have drunk more and more, my shirts are literally bursting at the gut. Then I will watch the Man City v Liverpool game at home.
It’s only Day 2 almost done, but it’s a start.
Day 3 gamble free.
Day 4 Gamble Free
Bit of man flu and feeling sorry for myself today.
Bought 4 cans on the way home from work and currently watching the darts.
Actually thought last night about a bet I would have placed which would have been a treble on Wolves, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich. Obviously glad I didn't place the bet but need to try and even stop thinking about it.
Day 5 gamble free. Pretty good to be gamble free on a Friday as normally on a Friday lunchtime I start lining my football bets for the weekend. Starting with Friday afternoon/evening matches.
Got home from work, played with the kids for a while. One now asleep, one watching a movie. Even after 5 days the Missus mentioned how happy I appear. Especially for a Friday night.
Have a busy day planned for tomorrow. Saturday was normally my busiest day for gambling. So have to keep busy. Used to lose money Saturday and chase it on the Sunday football or golf.
Not this weekend!!
to Day 6 gamble free. This despite someone posting on here that it was Grand National day today.
I wouldn't have known it was until I saw it on here. Which I find very strange bearing in mind that this is suppose to be a forum dedicated to helping people with problem gambling.
Ho hum it is what it is. Threads like that don't help though
Day 19 GF now.
Today was always going to be a tricky day as it's payday but paid my salary in to my partner account after paying payday loans off.
Will need to obtain at least one payday loan again this month to tide us over but it's better than the three I did owe this morning.
Going to take a long time to be debt free, but I'll get there!
Day 24 of being gamble free.
Been a little bit quiet of late. That's because I bought myself a new book.
I'm sure many have also purchased it or heard about it.
Allen Carr - Easyway to stop Gambling.
Up to Chapter 14 and it must be the best £4.99 I've spent on a book or anything.
Got paid last Friday but haven't thought about having a bet. Long may it continue.
27 days gamble free today
No urges to gamble either which is good.
A lovely sunny day watching my daughter at football training at the moment.
Later on I'm taking her to her first ever game of football. The Women's Fa Cup Final at Wembley.
Here's hoping to a good weekend.
Day 28 GF and what a beautiful day it is as well.
Shorts on, milk bottle legs on show, off to watch the football again today.
Have a good day all.
34 days gamble free now.
Managed to pay 10% of wedding deposit for next year this month which would have otherwise gone on gambling.
Currently watching daughter at football training instead of what I would have been doing this time on a Saturday morning, waiting for my phone to alert me that there's been a goal in Australian football matches.
Hi JC27, i’ve Just been reading your story and can see so many similarities to me. Well done for getting to 34 days, keep it up. Life is so much better without gambling. I’m only on day 6 of my recent battle but feel better for starting a diary myself and hope I can stick to it.
t
G100 wrote:
Hi JC27, i’ve Just been reading your story and can see so many similarities to me. Well done for getting to 34 days, keep it up. Life is so much better without gambling. I’m only on day 6 of my recent battle but feel better for starting a diary myself and hope I can stick to it.
Hi G,
Many thanks for your post. Apologies, I've only just seen it.
I hope you are still remaining gamble free?
Day 76 gamble free now. Feels very good but still need to keep logging on to remind myself the dangers are still there.
As mentioned before I purchased Allan Carrs easy way to stop gambling. That for me is the best thing I have ever read.
I bought it on my iPhone so for easy reference I go over a chapter every now and then.
Since my last post I've just been doing what non-gamblers do I guess. Been very busy at work. I've spent more and more time with my family. Currently with my oldest daughter at her football training.
Last weekend me and my partner had been together for 10 years and we went out for a nice meal and a few drinks. We have the wedding booked for next year, so busy planning and paying that off as well.
Will be off to the shops after football training and will pick up a touch of alcohol for when the kids are in bed and watch the Germany v Sweden game tonight.
Hope everyone else is resisting the demons.
Take it easy and have a good weekend
JC
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