Recovery of kram

Posted by: kramllewop

Ok, so I have today had my “planned relapse” and boy I wish I didn’t! 

so I woke up at 02:00 this morning, knowing that I would have been paid overnight I sat up wide awake with the first thought in my mind, “hey let’s just have £50”

we all know the outcome so let’s cut a long story short, despite thinking I had put a limit in place of £250 it was actually £500, and yes, I used it all!

once I had made my last deposit, admittedly in pure desperation and chasing losses, I immediately installed Gamban.

too little too late some may say, but I’ve done it now and today is my reset!

many whom have read my story so far will rightly say “I told you so” for the record I will not be bothered if you say it to me directly or even think it for that matter.

i have made this decision, and yes I wish I didn’t, but I have now seen gambling in the light that I needed to see it, there is no win for regular guys like you and I, just enhancing the lifestyle of the fat cats at the top, the rich getting richer and poor poorer.

i sit here, perhaps feeling sorry for myself and wishing I’d made a better decision, but that is the joy of hindsight, and we all know about that all too well.

so now my immediate hope is that I can add to this thread in a few days and update you all with a somewhat more cheery and successful post, about how I’ve gone X amount of days gamble free now, and how I’m feeling much better.

but for now I don’t feel great, however it was my decision, and I will stand by it, and accept all consequences.

 

kram

Dear Kram,

We are sorry to hear you’ve had a relapse even if as you mention it was a ‘planned relapse’.

The important thing is not what has happened, but where you go from here. Putting blocks in place and self-excluding through Gamstop are good steps and it is great that you are looking at support from others to help you in this. I would recommend one of those people you plan on talking to being one of our Advisers on either the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the NetLine. They would be happy to go through your plan with you, offering fresh insight and potentially other areas of support that are available to you that you may not have considered.

Please don't feel alone in this and know that we are here to support you in your recovery.

Kind regards

Forum Admin

Many thanks for your words, please do not be sorry for me, or sorry to hear about my relapse.

i knew what I was doing, and I stand by the decision and any consequences that may follow.

i have recently spoke with someone on the net line and am going to chase up my counselling referral now.

i will also be speaking with my father this evening to confess all to him, safe in the knowledge that I will not be judged, but supported however possible.

very much looking forward to the 13:00 group chat

Currently on hold with gamstop, looking forward to putting these demons to rest, ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

have tried to contact my counsellor again on all 3 contact numbers, but to no avail.

Hi Kram,

Like everyone here it's heartwarming to see that you are putting concrete actions into play as you begin your g***ing free journey (sorry about the asterisks, I can't stand that word).

Your counsellor might be on Christmas holiday, so do bear that in mind.  Remember, Gamcare is here 24/7 on the phone or e-mail chat.  Gamcare peeps are fully trained and there to listen and help guide your thoughts.

There is no inclination and certainly no satisfaction from us to say "I told you so" in respect of your previous GF strategy.  Rather we are genuinely gladdened that you are on what we consider to be on a - from our bitter experience! - better path this time.

The secret at this 'anger' stage of your revelation is to channel that anger into practical blocks. If, and only if, you think it's wise (trust your instincts on this one) you might consider selectively sharing your problem and strategy with friends or loved ones.  But tread carefully; only you know if this might help you. 

I would strongly recommend drawing up a financial plan.  You are starting today down £500 having just been received your weekly/monthly pay and will need to get through the next week/month.  Sensibly plan through this period.

Keep posting, as you have been, join chat, all this will be positive reinforcement to keep you on your new journey.  It won't be easy, it will be rocky - as we can all attest - but we can tame this g****ing beast and lead that different but much more fulfilling life that we be the making of us (even if we can't imagine such a life yet).

A lot to take in, I concede, Kram, but believe me, and all of us here, that you can do something about this.  We're just so glad that you're finding a pathway that we all think's a much better one.

All the best,

Mixer

Thank you mixer, so perfectly put, I don’t wanna let myself or my family down any more!

i hope that a week from now things are looking better for me and that the anger has settled down a bit.

for the record as I read what you wrote it almost reduced me to tears! No shame here, raw emotion only.

thank you once again