Recovery starts now

Hey Shattered, good work coming back here here! I haven't been off the punt for too long now but I will say, of the many times I've tried to quit, this time has been the easiest and I really think what helped me focus is not focusing on money and focusing on other positive things on my life. Might not work for everyone but I thought I should share as I've been in your situation before where I started calculating losses and savings and all that stuff, and it eventually led to relapse. Best of luck, chubb

Sorry but I think your focus is misplaced. Your post is almost all about money.

Good luck but I don't see how rationalising over money is going to save you. After all, your addiction is living proof that you have no rational control over money.

Your addiction is a sign that there is something broken link in your life. It requires honesty and soul searching to really know what. It also takes committed change to get better.

Usually this is through external help. In practice your damaged mind is not well equipped to heal you.

Obsessing about money is a cop out. If your money based approach does somehow stop you gambling then you're papering over the cracks. You're not addressing the root cause. Your fears.

Get help to sort yourself out. The finances will follow

Louis

Chubb and Samson, thanks for your posts.

Louis,

Thanks for your comments. I guess you are right.

Dear Diary

Woke up really low this morning. Losing money esp lots of money when you are jobless really hurts and so does hearing that you would not get the job you really hoped you would. I have now self excluded myself from both offline and online gambling casinos. Today was hard so far, but have decided to take some positive steps. Have signed up for a training course starting next week for a full week to get the certification that will hopefully boost my chances of getting a decent job and more importantly give me the much needed self confidence boost. It cost me some money but nothing like the thousands I lost on gambling and i will get something tangible in return that I can use. So courageously decided to take this step. My wife has been giving me all the positive support so far in my battle to turn things around. Yesterday was a bad day - hearing that I would not get the job I was hoping to.Today I start with a new mindset and a fresh approach. Things are tough at the moment, largely my own making. But instead of ruminating over it, better to keep myself busy with training, making more job applications, keeping the past behind and keeping a positive attitude.

Hi

Sorry to hear about the job but sounds like you're taking a positive step in the training course to better your future chances. Saw your post on the forum so thought I'd read your diary. Wishing you all the best in your journey to becoming gamble free. It's time to stop and you should use whatever you can to motivate you to stop. Personally I do like to be on top of my finances and looking at how much better off I am without gambling is a big motivational tool.

Sending you positive thoughts and determination.

Boxingdayfresh

Hi Boxingday

Thanks for reading my diary and posting. Congratulations for your ongoing recovery. Gambling evokes anger and hatred in me at the moment. Life would have been so much better without it. On the other hand things could have got far too worse too. It is really never too late to stop as the only thing that can happen is misery. Can't believe I am in this situation yet again after so many stop and start cycles. I could not stop as I wanted to chase and get my money back. In any other area in general this never say die attitude can be positive but not in gambling. I just fell in the devious trap again and again and this is the reason I have lost so much money. Something also to do with my own mind. Staying away will help to get more clarity. The money is gone and I need to let it go and move on. Times are tough but moving on and forward is the only right way for me now. I need to keep my thoughts positive and keep moving on. Reminding myself the tough situations that I have overcome in my life so far (and some were really really tough!) to reach at this point. Losing my hard earned money is hurtful but reminding myself that chasing will hurt more so stopping the chase is the necessary step for my life's recovery from this point. I will treat this as the first day of the rest of my life and take it one day at a time. Things will pick up at some point and I need to looking and going forward now.

You sound full of determination and you clearly understand your gambling and the situation you're in. You need to have the correct mindset to beat this addiction and despite stop starts in the past we both know that this time can be different. We have the strength of character to put things into perspective and also to see a better future. It helps me to remember that I only gamble to win. I know this because if I think about playing slots for fun it is not something I would do. I am only interested in winning, yet I have the hindsight to know that I will absolutely only ever lose in the long term. Gambling doesn't pay, it isn't easy money, it destroys the normality in our lives and changes our perspective and with me it leads me to depression. In the past, through stopping gambling I have felt more enthusiasm for life and generally better tempered and a much more positive outlook on life. In this realisation it helps to continue walking this gamble free path.

I look forward to following your journey and seeing us both abstain over the coming months.

Boxingdayfresh 🙂

Thank you for the post on my diary. It makes a lot of sense to me. I do feel that I have continued to move forward in beating this, despite the relapse and money loss. Onwards and upwards !

Feeling slightly better today after a feeling awful most of yesterday. The feeling of bitterness is still there and is very strong. With time hoping that my perspectives will change and I will start feeling better. To keep perpective, yes I lost a hell of a lot of money in a foolish chase. Yes, my situation is tough now as I am in between jobs. But I will get through this phase. It will not last forever. I need to keep hoping for better times. Need to continue focusing on things that I should be doing to bring about the change. Need to remind myself that over the next 30 years if I live sensibly, take care of my health, be wise with my finances, not only will save more than I have lost but also enjoy the trust of my loved ones, be there for them, will be nearer to my soul and experience the joy of living well with enough strength to deal with ups and downs of life. Gambling was never the solution, it was a source of my problems. Don't need it in my life anymore.

Feeling awful again today. Boy what a roller coaster. Feeling really low. Got to keep the past behind.

Shattered79 wrote:

Feeling awful again today. Boy what a roller coaster. Feeling really low. Got to keep the past behind.

Don't forget the past but do try and learn from it seems to work for many?

Day 7 today. The last 7 days have been emotionally rough but will get through this.

Day 9 today. Tough days but am fighting back. I passed one certification exam yesterday and this has slightly helped feeling better. Preparing for another one tomorrow as part of the course. Enrolled myself for another week long course next week as I need to arm myself sufficiently well before resuming job hunting again. Thoughts of gambling do come sometimes put I brush them off reminding myself of the devastation and misery this has caused in my life. Need to keep going.

Day 10

Just finished my second exam. It was gruelling 3hrs and followed some hard prep that kept me awake beyond midnight last night. Hoping I will pass, will know the result sometime today. Will start the pre-course for next week's course tomorrow or maybe skim it today. At the moment this exam has taken a lot out of me. Walking on the road on a sunny day felt remorseful about my gambling. Things could have been so much better financially and mentally and emotionally. Cant do anything about the past. It has gone. But pain remains. The awful financial situation remains. Need to keep going forwards keep moving on. Hopefully will get a decent job soon. For now I need to focus on getting one. The certifications and attitude will help. Need to look after myself well. Need to appreciate what I still have and focus on re-building my life back that my gambling almost destroyed. Through this pain, suffering and struggle, better days will come.